All One or the Other

Finished reading: Last Summer #6 - "It Was Your Idea"

I'm going to be taking a break from blogging for about a week so that my wife and I can travel a bit. Undoubtedly, you might have had your suspicions that the blog might be abandoned, to be left a shell of itself like Fortress CINCGREEN.

Part of that feeling is that I'm "written out". Right now, I have three writing projects going on. Two involve baseball message boards for which I write. The other involves this blog, and it seems I try to juggle these many balls but one always comes close to hitting the floor.

Furthermore, there's so much I want to do. My wife introduced me to Helium...I suspect that she'd like me to earn a little money from all this time spent in front of the keyboard. In addition, there are multi-player baseball leagues that sound interesting.

Oh Daria Fandom! You are such a fickle mistress and I am such a fickle suitor! Should we get married, or should I start seeing other people?

(* * *)

Anyway, back to "The Last Summer Series" and "It Was Your Idea", the most recent installment.

When we return to Daria and Jane, they are planning their summer "road trip" to the beach. Jane reminds Daria that one of the conditions in going is that Daria has to wear a bathing suit. The Morgendorffers say goodbye, Trent says goodbye, and Daria and Jane are on the road.

While driving, Jane asks Daria if she should take a job as an assistant to Ms. Defoe at Lawndale High, just for the fall semester. Jane's parents can help pay for college, but they didn't plan for it so money is tight all around. Daria concurs, and has a secret of her own to share wtih Jane -- she doesn't plan on returning to Lawndale during the summer, planning to spend every summer in Boston and working on a double major. Jane wonders if Daria is trying to cut her parents off, but Daria states that her parents are good people but she needs distance.

The two arrive on the beach and eat at a local pizza shop. Jane asks what Daria will do if they meet any "interesting" guys and Daria promises to remain civil "if they show signs of higher brain function".

Daria and Jane commit to wearing swimsuits (Daria says she feels half-naked and Jane says that she feels three-quarters-naked), and prepare to hit the beachfront. As Daria and Jane bring their beach belonging, two college-age students watch Daria and Jane unloading their car. The two begin to walk over and Jane thinks the guys should be encouraged -- and not frightened off by Daria. Daria promises to hold her tongue.

The two introduce themselves as Will and Greg. Greg pairs up with Jane and Will keeps Daria company. Daria at least admits that Will is interesting to talk to. As Daria and Jane go for a swim, Will and Greg decide to surprise them by setting up lunch for the four of them before they get back.

The four of them visit a cheap beach shop and Daria and will begin swapping one-liners regarding the kitchy items. Greg offers on behalf of both Will and himself to take everyone out to dinner.

While dressing for an informal dinner, Daria wonders if she and Jane know what they're doing. Jane figures that as none of the guys has hinted at playing grab-ass, they should be all right. Daria is forced to admit that she thinks Will is cute.

The four go off to eat seafood and exchange pleasant chat. At the end of the night, Jane gives Greg a light kiss, which Greg returns. Daria figures that Will will expect the same, but at the same time, concedes that he's been a nice guy. She gives Will a kiss, which actually surprises Will.

As Daria and Jane depart, we learn that Greg and Will are in the same situation that Jane and Daria are. Greg has been trying to convince Will to let himself have a good time, and Will admits that he's pleased with the results.

At the end of the night, Daria comes to the same conclusions. She learns that "not everyone's a bastard or a lecherous pervert". Furthermore, the night convinces Daria to have no further regrets about breaking up with Tom. She knows that Tom wasn't the right guy, and that there are a lot of fish in the sea (so to speak).

The two return home, and Daria tells her family about the trip and about Greg and Will as well. Daria admits to Quinn that the guys bought them dinner, and teases Quinn about helping her pick up guys. Quinn sasses back that Daria hasn't seen a pro do it, and Helen wonders that Daria and Quinn seem to be getting along a lot better...and wonders how powerful Daria and Quinn could be if they cooperated.

(* * *)

All and all, this was an interesting story. The main theme is an important one, namely that all men in the Daria universe aren't crazy (DeMartino, Jake), wimps (O'Neill), unreliable (Trent), lechers (Upchuck), spoken for (Mack), stupid (Kevin) or lying, cheating bastards (Tom). Mr. Lobinske decides to do this by comparing and contrasting Greg and Will with Jane and Daria. Will and Daria have a lot of similiarities -- down to even wearing glasses -- but Lobinske doesn't shove the similarities in our face. A younger (and less talented) author would have made Will a carbon copy of Daria ("Daria with a penis") and Greg would have probably been an art major or something. Luckily, Mr. Lobinske spared us that.

There are a couple of flaws in the story, but not major ones. There's a section where the writer devotes a paragraph to both Daria and Jane describing how each has changed during the run of the series. The problem is that the paragraphs are so close to each other -- and so alike in format -- that the paragraphs seem more exposition than explanation. This is a part of the story where "show, not tell" would have been a good idea.

The other flaw is a part of the story where it is implied -- I think -- that Daria might still like Trent. The problem is that the dialogue is so awkward that I don't know what the writer was intending. I think Mr. Lobinske tried to hint at a Daria/Trent attraction, but his attempt to foreshadow turned to pure obfuscation. I could be completely wrong about that, and after reading that paragraph, I wouldn't be surprised if I was.

There is one section of the story worth a more detailed discussion because it brings up an interesting point. Daria mentions that she plans on not returning to Lawndale during the summers, and Jane zeroes in to ask whether Daria is trying to keep her family at arm's length, to sort of cut them out of her life.

During the run of the show, Daria's personality vis-a-vis her family has been one of two sides of a coin. Either Daria is proudly obstinate, enjoying the chaos her attitude brings, or wounded and retreating in self-pity. The final regular episode of the series, "Boxing Daria", took this to its logical conclusion with Daria literally retreating to the psychological comfort of a large cardboard box. At the end of the episode, however, Daria is able to abandon the cardboard box, to actually hug Jane impulsively, and to admit to her parents that at times, she's been a pill:

Daria - It's not the fight. It's the sudden realization that all these years, when I thought they were torturing me, in reality I was the one torturing them.

Jane - First of all, I don't think it's either-or. From where I'm sitting, you and your folks have done a great job of torturing each other. And second of all, you mean to tell me you don't know when you're busting them?

Daria - Yes, I know when I'm busting them. What I didn't realize is what a pain I've been when I thought I was just being me.

Jane -- and Daria -- are right. The two sides have been tormenting each other over the years, with Helen trying to drag Daria into "proper" behavior and Daria trying to drag the family into chaos. At the end of the episode, both side seemed to come to grips with their dysfunctions and have decided to stop dragging, so to speak. I don't know if I'll ever read "Falling Into College" -- as someone said about something else, "the reason I don't read anyone else's work is that it gets in the way of the work I want to write" -- but I hope that Daria can be herself and still be aware of how she affects other people. Trust me, Daria fans, it doesn't have to be all one or all the other.

Tattoo Yoo

Finished Reading: Last Summer #5 -- "Comforting a Confused Soul"

If there's anything I don't like, it's the feeling of being tied down to a routine. Last week, that same-old, same-old feeling began to settle in and I took a nice week's vacation from blogging.

This is also why I try to avoid doing fan fiction reviews by request, or even beta-reading. What was formerly fun becomes a chore, some sort of social obligation and just one more item on my list of many things to do. Now that I'm a bit more refreshed, hopefully I'll be reading some more fan fiction.

(* * *)

Aside: two nights ago, I had my second part of the sleep study. This time, they hooked me up to the CPAP machine ("continuous positive airway pressure"). The idea being that with the right amount of air pressure, my airways could be held open and my brain could finally get some oxygen.

I was hooked up to a nasal CPAP. This meant that I would have to keep my mouth closed during the night. I've probably been breathing through my mouth at night for thirty years; it was such an adjustment that they had to give me a sleeping pill to get me to sleep.

Five hours later, the attendant came to wake me up. I knew I had dreamed, but didn't remember much about sleeping. It wasn't so much sleeping as though someone had stolen six hours off the clock. That morning, I was almost hyperalert with the oxygen infusion I had had the previous night. My conclusion? If this CPAP thing works out all right, I'm going to have to go off the caffeine.

(* * *)

And now, back to fan fiction.

We're on part five of seven from the Last Summer series, "Comforting a Confused Soul." We arrive with Jane planning to pain a picture of the entire Morgendorffer clan in formal attire. Her original plan was to only paint Daria in formal attire, but the fact that Helen and Jake remembered Jane's first major sale led Jane to change her plans and commemorate the whole family.

Trent and Jane talk about the fact that Jane has purchased real food. It's certainly something that Trent isn't used to. Trent notices the reference photos for Jane's painting project and Jane states that aside from Trent, the Morgendorffers are the closest thing Jane has to a family.

Daria and Jane meet at the Good Times Chinese Restaurant. Daria presents Jane with a copy of her new story, "Depth Takes a Holiday". Jane suggests that Daria and Jane take a road trip to commemorate the final summer before college.

When Jane returns home, she finds her mother Amanda in the kitchen. Amanda is puzzled about the food in the kitchen. Jane has some residual bitterness about Amanda's absences and asks if Amanda even remembers how old she is. Amanda knows how old Jane is...and asks if Jane should be graduating soon. This sends Jane into a rage -- it's been six weeks since Jane graduated -- and Jane storms out of the house.

Jane goes on a jog to clear her mind. After fending off Upchuck, she bumps into Axl, the local tattoo and piercings man. Axl knows quite a bit about the Lanes, given Trent's musings to Axl at the tattoo parlor. Axl manages to point out to Jane that Jane and Trent are more adult than Amanda and Vincent are and that Amanda must care if she managed to attend the ceremony of Daria's faux "honor society".

Jane returns home to find Amanda working at the kiln. She shares with her mother the fact that she was hurt that her parents never showed up during the graduation at Lawndale. Amanda answers that she didn't think Jane would attend her own graduation, as none of her brothers or sisters attended theirs. Jane answers that it would have been nice if Amanda and Vincent had at least checked, and gives Amanda credit for showing up at the Honor Society. (Vincent, apparently, isn't comfortable at social occasions.)

With college imminent, Jane asks Amanda if the Lanes can help her out financially. As it turns out, Jane had forgetten to tell Amanda that she was now interest in attending BFAC. Jane is slightly embarrassed, but Amanda tells her daughter that the Lanes will indeed be able to provide some financial help for Jane while she is in college.

Jane gathers the Morgendorffers together to reveal the finished painting. She tells them that the Morgendorffers have provided closeness that was missing from her own family, and presents the painting as a "thank you". Daria gives Jane a simple "thank you" with a hug, and Jane knows that her gift was the right thing to do.

(* * *)

While reading "Comforting a Confused Soul," I was very wary of Mr. Lobinske's reputation for writing sad but upbeat stories. The problem is that once you get a reputation as a certain writer, it's hard to shake it. If this were a story by The Angst Guy, I would probably be waiting for Trent's car crash or Amanda dying in a freak kiln accident.

So my sugar sensitivity was set on high during my reading. However, there are no sugary moments to "Comforting a Confused Soul" (except at the end, and I'll get to that). Jane's interaction with Amanda is pretty much true to canon. Amanda is sort of off on her own tangent, and Jane holds her resentment in until she has a rare outburst. The maddest I've ever seen Jane was after she visited Tom in "Dye! Dye! My Darling!" and Jane's outburst isn't even at this level.

It was a smart touch that Jane finds good advice from Axl, of all people. Axl, being familiar with Trent, would probably know as much about the Lanes as anyone. I'm sure Trent has unloaded on Axl through many a tattoo, although I suspect Trent was probably talking about his relationship with Monique more than talking about his little sister. It also fits into the meme that independent shopkeepers like Axl are probably a lot smarter about things than they let on. (Trent would have never gotten that kind of attention at Tattoo-Mart.)

And now, on to the ending...the ending was probably my biggest problem with the story. No, there's nothing particularly out of character about how the scene "plays" -- Daria's simple "thank you" and hug are spot-on canon, as Daria has never been comfortable with verbal expressions of her emotions.

Rather, my problem is with the concept of the Morgendorffers being a surrogate family for Jane. Granted, Jane has a good relationship with the Morgendorffers. She's probably shared so much with Daria that Daria seems like a sister and Jane probably knows more about the Morgendorffers than any other family in Lawndale, thanks to Daria's tale-telling. We also have evidence that the Morgendorffers are at least sympathetic to Jane -- they let Jane stay with them during the events of "Lane Miserables" and certainly cared about Jane's well being during "Daria!" when both Daria and Jane were threatened by a hurricane. But I don't think that the Morgendorffers have really gone out of their way to bring Jane into their family circle. I don't think that it's supported in canon. No, I'm not a prescriptivist, I just don't even see an interpretation where you could conclude that Jane's relationship with the "non-Daria" Morgendorffers is as close as she thinks it is.

Maybe Jane is just projecting, due to the sorry state of her own family. I don't know. If Jane was really that close to the Morgendorffers, then wouldn't she seek advice from Helen instead of from the guy who runs the piercing parlor?

Anyway, that's just me. Two more "Last Summer" stories to review, and then on to something else.

Assigned reading: Five Geek Social Fallacies. Determine how these fallacies relate to the state of relationshps in Daria fandom.

Honor Society

Finished reading -- Last Summer #4 -- "Out of the Frying Pan"



No new news here, except that it's Valentine's Day! My wife got me a card that reminded me of Love and Rocket, one of our favorite Futurama episodes. It's a card with a picture of candy hearts on the front. Ruth wrote the quotes, "These candies are chalky and unpleasant!" and "You leave me breathless!", two of my favorite quotes.

I got her a much more standard card, with a plastic bowl (hand decorated) filled with Sugar Babies and Junior Mints. The above just goes to show you -- you don't need to buy diamonds for someone to show your love and appreciation.

(* * *)

The Fashion Club are doing a post-mortem on Daria's appearance in a ballgown. Daria interrupts to let Quinn know that she'll be at Jane's for dinner.

At the Pizza Prince, Daria shares news with Jane that she got a second rejection, meaning that she can now call herself a writer. The two meet a dejected Mack, who states that he had planned to have lunch with Jodie, but Jodie's father continues to overload Jodie with work. Daria and Jane decide to liberate Jodie from her drudgery.

When Daria returns, she finds that her latest Melody Powers story will be published in Literature in Action. The family decides to celebrate Daria's success. Daria, however, still has her mind on helping Mack.

Mack shows up the next day and Daria presents her plan. Daria will have a dinner party at the Morgendorffer's to celebrate Daria's success. Jodie will be invited and Mack and Jodie can spend time together there.

Unfortunately, the plan fails. Mr. Landon has Jodie in charge of catering a business dinner, and Jodie can't get out of the obligation. Daria has Helen call Mr. Landon, who hears that Daria has become a speechwriter (apparently, she wrote the speech for Helen to honor Carol Murphey). Mr. Landon concludes that it would be good for Jodie to "network" with a speechwriter and lets her attend the party.

After the dinner, a new plan is formulated. An honor society for past LHS graduates will be created. Jodie, Daria, Jane and Mack all have accomplishments that would qualify them to be inaugural members. The catch is that unbeknownst to all, no real work will be planned at any of the 'meetings' -- the society is just an excuse to give Jodie free time.

With the help of Carol Murphy, and recommendations from the Lawndale Faculty, the Lawndale High School Student Leaders Honor Society is formed.

The only drawback is that the society requires a formal inauguration in everyone's Sunday best to make it look convincing. Daria is given the presidency as the price to Murphey for setting the whole thing up. The inaugural members make the most of their time...by watching "Sick Sad World".

(* * *)

I enjoyed reading "Out of the Frying Pan". It wasn't as eyeopening as "Shifts in Mood", but it was a rather pleasant piece.

One of the problems of reading any work of fiction is 'hitches' -- can you suspend your disbelief enough and be drawn into the author's universe? Daria getting published by Literature in Action might be a hitch to some readers, but the low-key ceremony indicates that this is not the same as being published in "Esquire". It's much more realistic for Daria to have her work published in minor journals first.

Perhaps the only hitch of the story is why Daria would go so far out of her way for Jodie, an acquaintance at best, but even that hitch is negligable -- who wouldn't have sympathy for someone in Jodie's situation? Daria managed a realistic solution to a problem.

(This leads me to conclude that the reason Andrew Landon keeps Jodie so busy is that he doesn't want her to have free time. Why? Because he hates Mack Mackenzie, and doesn't want Jodie to have any spare time to hook up with him. It's a good excuse for him to keep her away from him. Now, all he has to do is solve the problem of Jodie resenting him for the rest of his life, and everything will work out perfectly.)

Cynicism and Sarcasm

Finished reading: "Last Summer #3 -- Succeeding In Your World"

On this side of the internet, nothing new but work, followed by more work. I worked about 12 hours on Wednesday and 16 hours on Thursday. Then, I spent the weekend recovering. Looking very much forward to a visit to Toronto soon.

(* * *)

And now, on to LS3....

Interesting items arrive in the mail for the Morgendorffers. Daria gets a mail from Aunt Amy, who has sent her a "dorm survival kit" with several useful items for her first semester at Raft. Meanwhile, Helen gets a registered letter from the State Bar Association, leading Helen to conclude that it can't be good news.

After Helen reads the letter, Daria is pulled from a visit at Jane's for an important dinner table announcement: the State Bar Association will be presenting a Lifetime Achievement Award to Carol Murphey, and Helen has been asked to present the award. Furthermore, Helen wants the family to be there. While Quinn protests, Daria knows that Murphey is a long-time woman's rights activist and wants to meet her. Helen tells Daria that she'll have to be in a formal gown for the occasion.

Quinn wants to help Daria with the choice of the gown, but Daria declines. Quinn has worked hard to bring her grades up, showing that she has at least the potential to succeed in Daria's world. Most of Quinn's success has been unaided, and now Daria feels that she needs to made an independent venture into the world of fashion -- or at least, enough of one to be passable. Quinn at least gives Daria some starting advice: stick with a classic look.

Jane is bribed with some caffeine to go with Daria gown-shopping. Daria remembers the awful time she had getting a bridesmaid's dress fitted ("I Don't"), but the seamstress states that the other seamstress was obviously a hack.

Daria manages to "clean up" well, according to Quinn. Jake is brought to tears at Daria's new apparance and Helen and Quinn are impressed.

At the presentation, Daria finds herself surrounded by college age and older men. Daria manages to verbally fend them off, winning admiration from Carol Murphey, who happens to be watching.

(* * *)

I didn't care as much for this story as the one before it. It was more aggravating than illuminating.

Daria's attempts to succeed in "Quinn's world" were fairy down-to-earth -- Daria didn't become a model instantly like in a Nemo Blank story -- but having Jake crying over his supposedly-now-beautiful little girl made me conclude that the author was fishing for an "awwww" moment. It's a bit cloying.

More annoying was the interplay between Carol Murphey and Daria. Murphey's first line is "Cynicism and Sarcasm, not just a philosophy, a way of life." Undoubtedly, this line is supposed to echo Aunt Amy's line in "I Don't" that sarcasm is "a great way to deal". However, Amy was speaking about sarcasm in the context of her life growing up with Helen and Rita. Sarcasm, in Amy's case, was a great way to deal with her sisters who never listened to her anyway.

As for Murphey's leaden line, I don't think I've heard of anyone speak of 'cynicism' or 'sarcasm' as capital-letter philosophies, except when talking about the ancient Greeks. As for Sarcasm (capital-S), I went to Wikipedia and found Dostoyevsky's line of sarcasm being "the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded." I think a real philosophical discussion regarding sarcasm and its uses might have helped the reader give more credit to Murphey.

I believe Dr. Lobinske was trying to figure out a way to make Murphey cool, and tried way too hard to cast her as Aunt Amy. Oddly enough, it had the effect of dumbing down Murphey's intelligence instead of giving me an appreciation for her work as a lawyer and activist.

There is a small ending scene which falls flat. I won't give it a way, but it probably would have made more sense for the protagonist to ask if Helen had a third daughter (say, Veronica)?

(* * *)

Anyway, onward and upward to "Out of the Frying Pan". The teaser -- "To what extremes will Daria, Jane and Mack go to give Jodie a break from her summer activities?" -- sounds promising.

Jeff Gregory

Jeff Gregory

At least I can say that my memories of Jeff Gregory, known to Daria fandom as ahmygoddess, will be happy ones. The very first time I decided to hold a Dariacon, we were lucky enough to have him, kaimelarfeylove, and E. A. Smith all in attendance. (Later, Scissors MacGillicutty would also get to enjoy Jeff's company.)

Jeff was a great storyteller. He told us stories of the old days when he was a wild spirit, and I'd like to imagine him as that same wild spirit. I've seen him with flowing locks of hair and I've seen him short-shorn. I've seen him when he didn't mind having a drink, and I've seen him when he was trying to set such things aside. I've seen him funny, and I've seen him morose.

I'm not claiming that I was his Greatest Friend on Earth, certainly. There's only so much you can find out about someone in just two or three visits. I learned that he had had stomach surgery, and that he was a much larger man at one time.

And of course, he liked Daria and liked Daria fans. He was prone to the disappointments with fans and with the fandom as we all are. It's a pity that he had a seizure the last time we were all together, because it cut short our combined time. Even so, Jeff did his best to remain optimistic, despite the struggles he had dealing with his many problems.

One of my beliefs -- a belief I've had since childhood -- is that when we die, we're going to remeet everyone in a huge banquet hall. We'll meet everyone who was important in our life, good or evil, for better or for worse as our entrance into the afterlife receives its proper greeting. Yes, I'm a nominal atheist but I'm allowed to have my own beliefs, and my personal belief is that one day I'll see Jeff again. He'll be enjoying himself riotously and he'll say, "What took you so long, CINCGREEN? Next time...don't take yourself so seriously!"

Rest in peace, Jeff. You're watching Daria episodes with angels, now.

Wolf's Bane

This is what you get when you have multiple blogs. Sometimes you post on the wrong blog. I accidentally posted this on the old Daria Fandom Blog, then when it failed to populate on Fortress CINCGREEN, I simply assumed it had been lost in the ether, for the better.

However, since legendeld went to the trouble of actually finding it on the old DFB site, I have since removed the post from the old site and reposted it here, where it should have been.

--CG

(* * *)



Dear legendeld,

I hope that your purpose in writing "Earthfall" was, as it is said, soli Deo Gloria -- "for the glory of God", in this case, the God of writing. There is nothing wrong at all with seeking positive recognition in the act of writing; God knows we all get too little of it in day to day life.

If you didn't get the positive recognition you sought, I apologize for that. As for myself, I don't publicize this blog. There are people who know it exists but I don't go out of my way to draw attention to it. The Angst Guy has it linked; I've never asked him to unlink it but I've never reciprocated the link or even made note of it. Rest assured, the number of readers of this blog is a mere handful, and given your nominations for The Booties and the other positive accolades you have received in 2007, I hope you will not begrudge me my small work here. Indeed, it seems that you are held in some esteem in Daria fandom and hopefully my comments will not impede your future work.

I do take a slight objection to your claim that I have "republished the work". There was some editing, but no creation of characters, no changing of words or situations. Only a very small part of Chapter 1 Part 1 of EarthFall -- less than a tenth part -- was altered, and other parts have been written since then. You have left the impression that somehow, I've claimed credit for this work and tried to make it my own. Let me assure you that this is not the truth.

On the whole, I believe it would be fair to say that your contributions to the fandom are valued, in that it takes courage to throw one's work out there to what could be a pack of ravenous hungry wolves. I've only taken a small bite at it, and I've suggested remedies to bind the wounds and serve as future wolfs bane. Hopefully, my taking liberties with the text balances out against your claim that I have somehow claimed this work as my own.

My somewhat bold opinion is that it would be a mistake to ignore the criticism posted here, for if I've noticed these problems with the work, then other writers have certainly noticed them. My entire review concerned the format of the tale and made no moral judgment regarding the story told. Besides, I don't claim that I have supernatural power to separate the sheep from the goats or to claim that "this is a good/bad tale, and shall be forever and ever, Amen". On the contrary, I merely point out what I think is obvious.

I don't have any immediate plans to review future chapters of "EarthFall". However, I reserve the right to review other works of yours in the future. After all, you never e-mailed me personally to tell me that you were writing "EarthFall" and I therefore find it unfair for you to make the demand that I inform you personally when your work is reviewed.

I'll conclude by writing about Mark Twain, one of my favorite writers. He wrote a story called "The Man Who Corrupted Hadleyburg". The town of Hadleyburg had as its motto, "Lead Us Not Into Temptation". Circumstances, however, forced Hadleyburg into temptation for which they were not prepared. As a result, the town changed its motto to "Lead Us Into Temptation", and Twain ends with “It is an honest town once more, and the man will have to rise early that catches it napping again.”

Therefore, I say, seek out harsh criticism, the harsher the better. If you're interested in improving as a writer -- and it's a sad thing when someone isn't interested in self-improvement if relatively painless -- you should find a beta-reader who will tell you what is wrong with a story. smk, Dennis, and Scissors MacGillicutty are excellent betareaders, but their talents might be a bit in demand these days.

Yours, etc.

--CG

Radio Friendly Mood Shifter

Finished reading: Last Summer #2 -- "Shifts in Mood"

Well, we now have the news from the MD. The diagnosis is "moderate sleep apnea", diagnosed by waking up in mid-sleep an average of, oh, about 25 times an hour.

So what are the options?

1. CPAP, a continuous positive airway pressure machine. Almost one hundred percent effective if used correctly.
2. Orthodontic appliance. Less than fifty percent effective. costs about $1000 to make.
3. Throat surgery. Also less than fifty percent effective.

Obviously, he recommends the CPAP. Which means (unfortunately) that I get to have another sleep study on the 20th, this time with the CPAP machine. I'll meet with the MD on March 11th for the results of the second study.

(* * *)

Now, back to the fun.

"Last Summer #2" picks up from "Last Summer #1". Daria is still trying to figure out what went wrong with her relationship with Young Thomas. She goes back to her diaries in a hope of reconstructing the relationship.

However, she bumps into a line from Trent (after the Morgendorffer kitchen got scalded in "Fire! Fire!") that as a musician, Trent was "very sensitive to shifts in mood". She remembers that Trent steered Daria to Jane to talk to even when Jane didn't want to talk after Tommy Sherman's death ("The Misery Chick").

This poses a question. If Trent was so perceptive regarding Daria's feelings, and if he was one of the first to note that she and Tom had feelings for each other, then how could he have missed Daria's crush on her? Maybe he didn't, and Daria decides to call Trent over to find out more....

(* * *)

"Last Summer #2" is rather different from "Last Summer #1". LS1 could be seen as a setup-punchline type of story -- Daria is faced with an ugly problem and manages to spin the situation around so it suits her -- but LS2 turns out to be an examination of Daria and Trent's entire relationship with each other, with the series over and both of them willing to talk face to face.

I know that Dr. Lobinske (*) is criticised for happy endings. Well, I suppose you need a happy ending every now and then. "Last Summer #2" is one of those compelling reads that you can't take your eyes off of. It might be a bit hard to imagine two people having a conversation like this, but not Daria and Trent. Daria, who believes in honesty and Trent, who is the kind of person completely open to self-examination, almost guileless. You almost wish you were at the table listening in to them.

The only criticism I might have is the appearance of Helen, who didn't have much of a part in the tale and really wasn't needed at the end. However, this is one of those times where one doesn't have much pointed commentary, except to say "good job" and look forward to reading the next segment.

----

(*) -- Damn you, Angst Guy. Now you've got me self-conscious.

Time Management

Finished reading: Last Summer Series #1, "Saving One Last Summer"

This is going to be a very short post. Nothing is going on at work, and I ended up reading a very short story. Tomorrow, I learn the final, horrible, unspeakable truth about my sleep apnea study. I'll tell you about it later.

(* * *)

With the PPMB in its wonderful state of board-crashing wonkiness, I have decided to take on Richard Lobinske's "Falling Into College".

I believe that I've actually read at least FIC #1, and I might have reviewed it somewhere, but I honestly can't remember where. Therefore, if the old review clashes with the new review, take the new review instead. I'm not a politician; like any other human being, I'm allowed to change my mind on things.

As I visited the hopefully-to-be-reactivated Outpost Daria, I learned something I didn't know -- there was a "prequel" series to "Falling Into College" called "The Last Summer Series". The series deals with that few months between Daria's graduation from Lawndale High School and her first days at Raft.

Since the story's not long, I'll sketch it out for you. Daria wakes up some short time after her final graduation speech at Lawndale High. However, she realized what happened the summer before -- Helen corralled Daria into taking an awful job that she didn't really like. True enough, when Daria walks downstairs, Helen is there to remind Daria of the importance of having a summer job. Mr. O'Neill is needing volunteers for the "Okay to Cry" Corral and...well, the rest doesn't need to be said.

The problem? How can Daria find a job that she wants to do instead of ending up at "Nut World" or some other awful place?

Lobinske solves the problem very simply, almost too simply. Without reading any of his work, Lobinske has mentioned that he's aware of criticism that things go too easily for Daria and company in his stories. And indeed, it appears that Daria and Jane have it easy at the end....

...until you read the end. Daria has found a way to beat the system. I had to chuckle at the ending.

(* * *)

P. S. It turns out I get a credit for giving critical suggestion. I didn't remember doing such a thing. I'll certainly take no credit for Dr. Lobinske's work, but maybe I can bask in Dr. Lobinske's glory. As Homer would say, "Mmmmmm...glory!"

Said, Replied, Stated

Finished reading: Earthfall, Episode 1 Part 1

If you wanted to know about my sleep study, I'll show you some pictures of the room. The first picture is that of my too-soft bed:



The next picture is a picture of an old CPAP machine. They never hooked me up, and I assume that the machine is just there for show. It undoubtedly reassures the testee that if she has to wear a CPAP, the apparatus won't take up much space. I hope it's only there for display because the safety check sticker reads "03/07" as the last checked date.



(* * *)

Now, on to "Earthfall, Epiosde 1 Part 1".

You might wonder why I broke out a "Klosterman Question" two days ago. Like most of Klosterman's questions, his answers can be applied to situations other than the ones given in the question.

The situation I was actually asking about is fan fiction. Take a work of fan fiction that has a poor appearance. Grammar is poor, there are no commas, verbs are used incorrectly, there are frequent spelling errors -- but the characterization and plot are superb. Then take the opposite sort of story, where there are no violations of grammar but the story itself is awful. Which should be corrected first, the grammar or the structure of the story?

Both persons answering said, in effect, "the grammar and presentation is more important." To borrow Scissors MacGillicutty's answer, if you have a crappy story that looks good, people might think that the story has some sort of unexplored depth...or that it's a parody of bad stories. Whereas even the best stories won't be read if they are poorly presented.

"Earthfall, Episode 1 Part 1" is unfortunately poorly presented. Rather than rip the story to pieces, I want to use the story as an illustrative exercise, a sort of post-beta reading to show what should have been done.

First...paragraphs. "A paragraph is a self-contained unit of a discourse in writing dealing with a particular point or idea, or the words of an author," according to Wikipedia. However, legendeld places each sentence on a separate line, like so:



The trip to the bridge only took a handful of seconds but the sounds of her boots hitting the deck plates seem to last forever.

Smoke poured out of damaged panels as a fire control team struggled to maintain the navigation system.

“75 seconds until PSR Captain.” One of the bridge crew stated with a shaky voice.


We know that very bad things are going on aboard the Henry Global. The ship has entered a gravity well and is taking damange. Daria's hurried trip to the bridge and the sounds and sights she sees all support the same idea or point -- namely, the imminent destruction of the ship.


The trip to the bridge only took a handful of seconds but the sounds of her boots hitting the deck plates seem to last forever. Smoke poured out of damaged panels as a fire control team struggled to maintain the navigation system. “Seventy-five seconds until PSR, captain," stated one of the bridge crew with a shaky voice.


When I write, I have a hard time with paragraphs. If you have several one-sentence sub-points you wish to make that all fall in the same category, should you write one paragraph or three paragraphs? Where should one paragraph begin and another one end. Should I have included the sentence about the ship entering the gravity well, or do the sentences related to the damage belong to their own separate paragraph?

It's hard to get a cut and dried answer. All you can do is experiment, and hope that someone will point out your most egregious sins.

I changed some of the grammar. A sentence should not begin with a number if you can avoid it. If it must begin with a number, the number has to be spelled out. Relatively small numbers like "seventy-five" are okay to spell out. If the number was, say, 3,250, I might have rewritten the above sentence so that it didn't start with the number.

Since the line about PSR is being spoken by a member of the bridge crew, and we are catching him in the act of speaking it, I ended that sentence with a comma. Furthermore, since the word "captain" is only capitalized when the title is applied to a person, I put the word in lower-case. In the next sentence, Captain Meels is speaking and since we are now refering to Meels with respect to his rank, it is okay to capitalize the word.

Some more dialogue between Captain Meels and LTC Daria Morgendorffer, provided by legendeld....


“Push forward. They won’t follow us down.” Captain Meels replied.

“Captain.” Daria called out as soon as she entered the bridge.

“Finished with your little report Commander.” The captain sneered.

“Why are you entering atmo?” She demanded.

“I have no intention of allowing these buggers to hold Earth for one more day.”Meels answered.

“Our orders are to engage, assess then withdraw.” Daria responded with force.


The rewrite:

“Push forward," said Captain Meels. "They won't follow us down."

Daria centered the bridge. "Captain," she said.

“Finished with your little report, Commander?"

“Why are you entering atmo?”

“I have no intention of allowing these buggers to hold Earth for one more day.”

“Our orders are to engage, assess then withdraw," said Daria, forcefully.

“I am exercising command prerogative.”

Daria approached Captain Meels. “The Mars attack group needs this information.”

“No they don’t. The Invid will be pushed off Earth in a matter of hours.”


One problem beginning writers have is an embarrassment in using the perfectly respectable part of speech "said". Rather than just use "said" some writers want to use labored synonyms for "said" with every sentence: "answered", "responded", "replied", "stated".

It is perfectly okay to use "said"! "But CINCGREEN," you might ask, "won't this look tacky? Every one of my sentences will end with 'said'"!

The solution is that if only two people are talking, you don't have to write "he said" or "she said". You can simply write what they say. Every now and then you might want to throw in a 'said' so that people don't lose track of who is speaking.

In long novels, you can find entire pages which are nothing more than quoted sentences or paragraphs. What makes things more confusing is that a simple declarative statement or response is a paragraph, and therefore deserves its own line. An example:

"...and Mrs. Calabash," said the district attorney, "isn't it true that you always hated Mr. Durante? Isn't it true that you stalked him for days? Isn't it true that you broke into his house to gain his bank accounts? Isn't it t---!"

"--I object!"

The courtroom went silent. District Attorney Hamilton turned to Perry Mason. "You can't object!"

"I just did!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes, I did, and it's perfectly legal!"

"Your momma is legal!"

"That's what your momma told me last night when I was on her back!"

"Oh yeah? Well your momma -- !"

"--SILENCE!!" It was Judge Carver, who had had enough.


In short, "Earthfall" needs a lot of cleaning up. That's where a beta-reader comes in. In its present state, "Earthfall" is hard to read and even harder to follow. I hope legendeld can work the kinks out of it; he's already written several stories and I think as soon as he can get the grammar problems fixed, he'll get the increase in readership that prolific writers deserve.

A "Klosterman"-type Question

A question, although one of the ones not asked by Chuck Klosterman:

Let's assume you're holding a fancy dress ball. The cream of society is going to be there. This is a black-tie and maybe tails affair. Leaders from politics, society, great authors, the wealthiest people, humanitarians, the ne plus ultra of American society will be there.

Your best friend -- a male -- has begged for an invitation. Let's furthermore assume (since this is a thought exercise based on extremes) that you're sort of obligated to give him an invitation.

The problem is that there will be no person there more out of place than your friend. As for dress...well, the less said the better. He is unshaven, wears a STAR WARS hat, some sort of obscure T-shirt with mustard stains, wears shorts when he doesn't have the legs for it, sandals with socks, etc. etc. Even if you give him instructions on how to dress, he'll get it wrong. This is the guy who shows up in the neon blue tuxedo with the wide lapels to the weddings. Hell, if you told him that the party was shoes only, he'd probably show up with just one shoe. I haven't even mentioned the body odor....

However, this isn't his only problem. His deportment is...well, it leaves a lot to be desired. He will pick his nose during conversations. Sometimes, he's thoughtlessly rude. Other times, he'll go on and on about some boring subject that no one cares about. Or he'll make some faux pas, or forget the end of a promising story, etc. He's the person you don't want to be stuck talking to.

Naturally, your thought is that disaster can only ensue. However, a helpful wizard comes by and gives you one of two choices:

The first choice is that he will repair the appearance problem. With a wave of his hand, your pal will at least look like Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan. Immaculately tailored and dressed. Clean-shaven. The best in fashion. Clean, and with a pleasant smell. It doesn't solve the horrible personality problems, but he doesn't look out of place. He might even be able to pass as an eccentric.

The second choice is that will repair the deportment problem. Your friend will not blurt out his thoughts on Asian women to Mrs. Wang. His conversations will not only have a structure, they will have a point. His stories will be spellbinding...but he'll still look like garbage. People will have a good time talking to him, if they're not immediately repelled by him and avoid him.

The question: Which of the two choices do you make?

Injudicious

Finished reading: AD20

Martin's father, John Peters, thanks Daria for removing her shirt to serve as a bandage, or something, to help out Martin Peters. Daria gets on the Peters's prayer list as a result, and gets to hear Jane Lane's comedy rantings for five minutes. ("Thank you, ladies and gents, I'll be here all week!")

Three of the attackers have been captured. The toll -- four church members are dead and many are injured. Everyone gets a Geiger counter sweep. One of the dead assailants is so radioactive that they need a lead-lined container to dispose of him. And coincidentally...guess what? Glen happens to know someone who has a lead-lined coffin! There's a long story that's probably not helpful to recount, so we'll just let this go and say that the lead coffin solves a lot of problems.

As it turns out, one of the attackers has a very high level of radioactivity, so whether he faces justice by bullet or not, he's dead anyway. Doctor Kathy asks that the man not be shot...because you'd have to clean up his blood. (Well, as the joke goes, "...and that's why they call me the hanging judge!")

The lead coffin isn't big enough to bury the men or their equipment. One member of the church donates her lead-lined hope chest to the cause of deposing of radioactive items.

Jane finds an AK-47 which doesn't seem to be too radioactively "dirty". Coincidentally, it happens to be a rifle that the old hippy taught her to fire at the commune, so Jane adds it to her growing arsenal. One of the men at church whose daughter's arm was broken by the assailants threatens to shoot one of the captured men. The man is defiant to the last. Jane takes over the responsibility of shooting the man by blasting him with the AK-47.

The church is very surprised. Even Daria is surprised, but Jane is just as defiant. There's some argument about turning the other cheek among the parishoners.

Reverend Harris states that the men have to have one last chance to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. The man who isn't radioactive prays with the reverend briefly, and then Glen kills him. As for the man who has radiation sickness, he is offered the same opportunity. Bawling, he takes it before the parishoners kill him by rope.

(* * *)

Daria is thinking about Martin Peters. As it turns out, Martin shoved Daria out of the way and coincidentally took a bullet meant for her. Daria assumes this was a massive act of altruism. Jane states that Martin will always have her thanks for doing that.

Martin survives his surgery. Daria comes to see him and gives him a kiss. Martin thanks Daria for saving his life, and they kiss again. They are still friends...and perhaps, something more.

(* * *)

Well, I guess there's no nice way to say it, so you know me, the kind of guy who just thoughtlessly blurts it out in the open.

I remember a music critic saying, "how do you tell Paul McCartney that he has produced a lousy album?" Likewise, "how do you tell someone who worked hard (presumably) on a piece of fan fiction that they just wrote something with very little merit?"

One of the keys to melodrama -- good and bad -- is coincidence. Coincidence, used judiciously, can make a work of good melodrama. Coincidence ,used injudiciously, makes an awful one. In this chapter, Lady Coincidence has staggered into the room, smelling of run, bedecked with beads, showing her jooblies to anyone who will look. Then, she throws up all over the carpet.

We have not one, not two, but a whole lot of authorial applications of coincidence. Someone just happens to have a lead-lined coffin floating around. And a lead-lined hope chest. (I can imagine some young lady saying, "I need a hope chest that can both prepare me for marraige and the cruel, post-apocalypse reality I'll have to live with when the Russkies let fly the nukes.")

And, Jane just happens to recover an AK-47, which happens to be one of the very weapons that this hippie (whom I suspect was John Rambo with a beard) trained her how to use. I was trying to suspend disbelief, but my arms gave out at this point and like Martin Peters, I barely survived the rest of the story.

As for the scene with the captured radicals, it sounded like the parishoners were trying very hard to have their cakes and eat them, too. There has to be some hand-wringing about turning the other cheek, and giving the chance for the executed to join the Methodist church. After these sad preliminaries are out of the way, the reader gets what he wanted (*) -- an execution scene, with the bonus that one of the captured men possesses a cartoon bad guy's levels of defiance. (He would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those crazy kids.)

Hanging or a bullet to the head isn't suitably dramatic, though. Nor can the executions take place offscreen. Jane has to blow someone away to edge up the drama a few notches. I'm surprised she didn't prop a foot on his chest and say, "yippie-ki-AY, muthafucka".

As for our Martin...well, does anything not go well for this boy? He's got it all, because the author it giving it all to him.

One of the problems of setting up a relationship for Daria...or Jane...is the fact that we've idolized Daria and Jane so much that frankly, nobody is good enough for either of them. Why do you think fans hated Tom Sloane? He wasn't good enough for Daria. Part of the reason Trent was good enough for Daria was that he was offscreen so much you could make him out into whatever you wanted him to be, whereas we were presented with all of Sloane's faults at once.

So what does Martin have going for him?

1. He's a Christian, which seems important to the author.
2. He takes a bullet for Daria. Hey, Trent may have been a nice guy, but he never took a bullet for anyone.
3. He manages to valiantly struggle during surgery, but survives. Now, he's cool instead of just dead. (Which would have been an interesting way to take the story.)

So he's good with weapons (like Ted), reflective (like Trent) and lucky and blessed (like Tom). The major obstacle to any Daria romance is going to be Jane, but Jane approves of this wonderful young lad.

Just a warning: if you read that last Daria/Martin scene, make sure you've eaten no sugar at least three hours before.

(* * *)

Am I scared off? Nah, my blood is up. I'll be reviewing AD21 tomorrow. And like Brother Grimace's beloved Ben Raines, I swear that through hell or high water, I'll make it through AD22 which is the 1/2 way point. Frankly, though, in ordinary circumstances I would have bailed out of "Apocalyptic Daria" with this chapter. Martin, Daria, and Jane would have had to have made their own way without me.

EDIT: I think it's just time for me to climb off "Apocalyptic Daria". I just read the next two chapters. Rather that retread old ground, I think it's time to give some other Daria fanfic a chance. So next time...who knows what I'll review?






(*)- One of the points of melodrama, good or bad, is that all of the reader's deepest beliefs, spoken or unspoken, must be confirmed. Namely, that not only should the bad people die, but you should get a chance to see it in all its bloody glory.

The Darwin Awards

Finished reading: AD19

Today is my Mom's birthday, so Happy Birthday, Mom! As for me, work has gotten busy near "month-end". I'm just glad enough there was enough of a lull to post.

(* * *)

As our story begins, the Reverend Harris is having a nice, long chat with Mrs. Johnson. It turns out our friendly church gossip has issues with...well, everything, seeing sex behind every bush. (We later learn from Martin Peters that Johnson is rather delusional.)

Glen Bates, Jane's new friend, comes back through the door, all smelly and dirty, claiming that while outside he was face to face with a dead raccoon. Actually, her friend took care of the molestor problem with a burial, which explains why he returned to the church so dirty.

Daria is assigned to watch the spring house with Martin Peters, one of the teens at the church. He can't keep his eyes off her and she ask him what the hell is up. Daria founds out that Martin asked for this watch, and he asks if Daria has a boyfriend. Daria tells him that she's not interested, then has to reassure him that it's not about him. The two agree to be friends.

Back at the church, as Jane is entertaining kids with puppets, she hears a gunshot. As it turns out, a man named Bill Foster has been shot. (Most likely, guarding the church.) The kids are corraled by Jane and taken someplace to hide.

At the spring house, there are intruders nearby. Martin Peters is shot in the shoulder. It appears that unknown assailants plan on capturing the spring house, and Daria to boot. Daria manages to shoot one in the neck with a rifle.

The bad news -- the men have grenades, or at least, a grenade. The good news -- the man with the grenade has no common sense. He throws the grenade at the house so hard it bounces off like a rock, right back towards the hurler. One BOOM! later, and the assault on the spring house comes to a halt.

After the kids are squared away, Jane breaks loose. A battle appears to be in progress, and Jane shoots two raiders (and a third, later, for good measure). Jane is determined to get to Daria. A detail is sent to the spring house, and Daria and Martin are rescued.

(* * *)

At last! Some hot action that doesn't involve lesbianism!

It was rather nice of Glen Bates to go out of his way to bury the dead body, although that might have been done more likely for the assailant's family's sake that for Jane's.

I found the Martin blurting out that he was hot for Mrs. Cooper a little foolish -- the only time I've ever seen people blurt things out like that has been in sitcoms. (Or, well, with Brittany or Kevin, and I don't think Martin's that stupid.) However, Martin's awkwardness was portrayed in a charming way, aside from the lapse just mentioned.

I also found the incident with the grenade both amusing and satisfying. After learning of Jane's sudden marksmanship, and with too many people exhibiting Annie Oakley levels of familiarity with firearms, it's good to see some old-fashioned ineptitude. Stephen King pointed out (not explicitly) in The Stand that it won't be radiation, or rapists, or rampaging dogs that will kill a lot of people in the apocalypse. It will be Charles Darwin, as several wanna-be Rambos off themselves due to their own ignorance. Hopefully, Darwin's magic will work itself through the community in a few months and most of the dumber malefactors will be dead.

Martin Peters getting shot and the raid on the church with Foster's death point out one danger that doesn't seem to be pointed out in apocalyptic fiction -- snipers, or at least people with long-range weapons. Furthermore, people who have gathered together to form supply depots are going to be targets for people looking for supplies, flesh, and power in the post-apocalypse, or at least before the army shows up. Just a handful of assailants can make life at the church miserable, and it was good to see that the church was not the Impregnable Fortress of God.

Of course, we had to see Daria in a gratuitous bra shot. But then again, this is an HBO miniseries. At least, the lesbian angle seems to have been dropped temporarily, which means that all in all, this was a pretty good chapter.




(Alternate plot: My theory that Glen Bates was working hand in hand with Jane's assailant has only been strengthened. He didn't go out to bury that body! He went out to go call his friends from the VFW to attack the church! Buster's been talking about that damn live hand grenade of his for years...at least Glen will never have to hear that drunken rant again!)

No Objections

Finished reading: AD18

(The first thing I have to say is -- goddamn, that a long comments thread. Finding Apocalyptic Daria 18 took almost as long as Daria and Jane's unexpected Road Trip.)

Jane is told that Daria has to be watched over the next four days. Daria is also told that she has to stay, because of her previous anaphylaxis. Karen tells Daria that she has been praying for her, both for her healing and her salvation.

We learn the name of the old man who talked to Jane in AD17 -- Glen Bates. A former Marine, he tells Jane that killing is sometimes justified and points out where in the Bible that can be found. One of the church members comments on Glen "fondling" Jane and Glen argues briefly with the busybody.

Exposition Radio clicks on and we learn that martial law has been declared in Maryland and Virginia. Areas are being decontaminated with "volunteers" from nursing homes, jails, and prisons. A few people have been executed by the military for crimes.

The narrative is interrupted by radio pirate Dr. Neon braking in on the frequency. He states that the US Army is acting forecfully against secessionist movements and home-grown militias.

As Daria is chatting outside the church, the power goes out. Daria's medications and the church's food have to be refrigerated and there might not be enough gasoline to keep a generator running. The pastor talks about a "spring house", a structure built above an above-ground spring where items can be kept cold. Jane departs with several others to provide armed security on the trip.

(* * *)

There really isn't much to Chapter 18. It's not so much a self-contained story as providing some justifications for the things that have happened before. Jane is given bibilical justification that she was okay to kill her assailant. Her friend has a name. Daria has to stay a few days longer.

The plot point of the spring house is introduced, and one suspects that finding the spring house will not be without incident, as more or less nothing has been without incident. (Jane and Daria have been singularly unlucky.) Furthermore, we learn that gossip has not been stamped out even in Methodist churches.

I can say that I read it, and that I had no objections reading it. On to AD19.

The Popularity Ladder

Reading: "Turnabout Confusion"

Back at work. No new news. So here's some more fan fiction commentary.

(* * *)

As I'm reading "Turnabout Confusion", Daria continues to have no idea of what's going on. She finds her newfound popularity rather inconvenient. Jane has decided not to eat with Daria while she has all these hangers-on. Meanwhile, Stacy is giving Daria nasty looks.

Quinn is confronted on the roof by an angry Stacy Rowe. Quinn decides to reveal the existence of the bet, and tells Stacy that everything will be back to normal on Monday. Stacy counters by telling Quinn that Sandi plans to kick Stacy and Tiffany out of the Fashion Club, and put in Daria as vice-president.

Quinn explains to Stacy that Brittany is a highly unreliable source of gossip, and was undoubtedly primed. She tells Stacy to keep an eye on Brooke and Tori and attempt to determine their respective motivations for spreading gossip.

Sandi comes to explain to Stacy and Tiffany that the rumors are untrue...but decides that the best way to keep their cards hidden is to act on the rumors. Stacy's task is to feel out Daria for Fashion Club membership, and Tiffany's task is to support the rumor that Stacy and Tiffany might be kicked out of the Fashion Club.

Thinking to herself, Sandi thinks that Quinn might be behind the rumors, and swears that there will be a price to pay if she is....

(* * *)

I think I've finally figured out the problems with "Turnaround Confusion". There is a lot of action going on, but none of it seems to go anywhere. It's like watching hornets buzz about a nest; there seems to be a lot of activitiy but none of it goes anywhere.

The story would be strengthened...a lot...by getting some sense of the characters' motivations. Cheerleader Dawn wants the cheerleaders to be the most popular group in school. The question, however, is why? Aren't the cheerleaders popular enough? Of course, everyone knows that popularity is important in high school, but one wonders why there's such a struggle to be the most popular.

Having never played such games in high school...or even witnessed them...reading "Turnabout Confusion" just gives me the feeling that I'm reading about a "Bizarro Universe" in which everyone is desperate for some sort of undefined power without defining why this power is so important.

Maybe Dennis needs to write a prequel called "High School Popularity and LHS" which would explain why being the MOST popular is so damned important. Although all of the plotting against Quinn indicates that Quinn really isn't that popular in the first place, or if she is, it's a popularity defined by fear of exclusion. If Quinn's popularity were due to her esssential likeability, it would be impossible to supplant.

I've tried to read about this whole problem of popularity. Paul Graham describes popularity as a "zero-sum game", whereas Philip Guo states that there is little upward mobility in popularity. That might be one of the problems I'm having, believing that a person like Quinn could suddenly become unpopular. I suspect that Quinn is one of those persons who is going to remain popular come what may.

Until I can wrap my brain around the problem, the story isn't appealing to me...but this doesn't guarantee that I won't come back to it later.

(* * *)

Next time: A return to the world of "Apocalyptic Daria". My goal is to make it at least to AD22, we'll see how far we manage to travel.

Also: The entire time I've been reading "Turnabout Confusion", I've been tempted to call it "Turnabout Intruder", after the Star Trek episode. God knows how many edits I've had to make.

Third Person

Reading: "Turnabout Confusion"

As it turns out, two events converged rather nicely this Sunday morning. First, an attack of pruritis that broke my sleep schedule -- the clock reads 3:22 am. Second, the PPMB was up for the staggeringly brief amount of time that allowed me to read the next three sections of "Turnaround Confusion".

(* * *)

We've now moved to the third day of The Big Bet. Quinn, for whatever reason, has decided not to come crawling to Daria on her knees and say, do the dishes for a month. Helen tries to interrogate Quinn, noticing Quinn's change to a dowdier form of sleepwear. However, Jake's ineptitude at putting on pants distracts Helen and she cannot continue the conversation -- but she plans on getting to the bottom of things.

At LHS, Jodie figures that Daria's new look implies that Daria might give school activities a chance. Nothing doing. Daria seems as cynical as ever.

Meanwhile, a whole universe of plotting circles around Quinn and Daria. "Cheerleader Dawn" plots to have Brittany spread a rumor (the ultimate carrier, since Brittany loves spreading rumors but never remembers who told her anything) that Sandi wants to restart the Fashion Club with all-new members, hoping to drive a wedge between Sandi and the two remaning members. Dawn also hopes to have the Drama Club ask Daria to join, as security against Daria joining the Fashion Club. Brooke and Tori have a different plan to ensure that Quinn never returns to her former peak of popularity.

Among the LHS boys, Corey and Zachary post-mortem their respective dates with Daria. Corey is disappointed -- Daria didn't talk, only listen -- and they didn't go anywhere particularly special. On the whole, however, Corey considers the date a plus. He didn't have to spend as much money on Daria (versus, say, Quinn) and he at least got to kiss Daria, whereas Quinn doesn't even like holding hands.

Zachary, however, remains closed-mouthed as to how his date went. Of course, this sparks much curiousity regarding Daria among the guys....

(* * *)

It's interesting (if not necessarily compelling) reading about this sort of "bizarro universe" where cliques and popularity games have reached levels rivaled by, oh, say, the courtiers of the Byzantine Empire. I suspect you really are going to need a scorecard after a few chapters of this just to keep track of all the pieces on the board. Hopefully, Dennis might remind his readers in future chapters of what's going on, just so they don't lose the thread. (Maybe a Dariawiki entry, perhaps?)

"Turnabout Confusion" is a frustrating read. Part of the reason is that in the omnipotent narrator (third person) readers have complete access to what's going on through a God's-eye view. The omnipotent narrator can state what's happening off-screen, how the characters are feeling, who did what to whom, the whole works. In the case of "Turnaround Confusion", however, Daria and Quinn's inner dialogues are absent. They are mere chesspieces moving across the board. We observe how Daria and Quinn react, and what they say, but we get no sense of what they're thinking.

This leaves the reader in the same situation as Cheerleader Dawn, Corey, et. al. The reader is merely left to speculate, and in the case of Daria's date with Corey, we only get second-hand information. (Zach, the bastard, refuses to talk.) If motives are going to be assigned to anyone, the reader will be forced to put on an overcoat and play Columbo, looking for the sparce clues and constructing an inner narrative out of scraps. On the other hand...you can't say that Dennis isn't following the rule of "show, don't tell".

Speaking of "show, don't tell"...is Dennis committing any of Twain's Literary Offenses? Maybe #3, in the sense that Daria and Quinn really aren't "alive" but are reduced to objects of speculation. Or perhaps #18, in that the "observing from third person" isn't really a straightforward style.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what I've read. Do I like the style? Do I find it aggravating? No and yes, because I find it frustrating not knowing more.

Did Dennis deliberately create this style or was it a happy accident? Can't answer that one. You'd have to talk to Dennis.

Do I plan on stealing this style for work of my own? Well, like Zach, my lips are sealed. But you might catch a hint of a smile....

Unpersons

Reading: "Turnabout Confusion"

Well, the sleep study is finally finished. I certainly did not get a lot of sleep. There was a twenty minute process of applying electrode leads to my scalp, face, heart, and buttocks. Then, the electricity was applied. It was painful...and in such small portions, too.

The biggest problems were that the bed was softer than I'm used to, and that with so many wires on me, it was hard to turn from side to side without worrying about dislodging something and having the tech come in and reapply everything. (The tech once came in to ask if I could sleep on my back for a while.) I still have this electrode gel in my hair; one shampooing will not be enough to wash it out.


Jane finally catches up with Daria at the end of the day. Daria states that regardless, she isn't enjoying herself. Jane is agast to learn that Daria has two dates that night. Jane reveals her anxiety -- is Daria in over her head -- but Daria states that anything that Quinn could do could never be that hard. Besides, it's personal now.

Quinn, however, has obviously not watched the film "How Not to Be Seen". (Python Pictures Ltd. Inc.) Her truancy is discovered by Ms. Li and reported to Helen, and Quinn is forced back into the classrooms. Tori and Brooke offer the kind of subtle torment that only catty high school girls can offer. Quinn easily parrys Tori's repartee, but Brooke is a bit tougher, spreading gossip in class to the "middle-popular" that QUinn is unable to hear. Quinn worries that Brooke might prove to be a real problem.

As the day comes to a close, Helen and Jake are left to deal with the fallout. quinn retreats to her room and provides no useful information. Daria, meanwhile, stays out to past 11 pm. Helen berates Daria for being late; Daria counters that she's earlier than Quinn.

Helen remains adamant. She criticises Daria's dress, claiming that Daria looks a little trampish, but Daria argues that this is how Quinn looks all the time. Furthermore, there was no hanky-panky between Daria or her dates.

Helen expresses her worry, stating that Quinn has been on more dates than Daria (and presumably, knows when things might be going too far. Daria, finding Helen's comment a disparagment, counters that Daria's lack of dating is something that Helen will no longer have to be concerned about.

(* * *)

I don't know what to think about this second little run of "Turnabout Confusion". Daria seems to have thrown herself into the Quinn role with gusto, maybe a little too quickly. We've gone from hardened cynic to popularity queen in the space of just two days. In Quinn the Brain, Daria was disgusted over the mere act of saying, "Hi! Could you get me a soda?"

Rather than seeing the consequences, I think seeing the process would have been a bit more interesting. Would Daria really have forced herself to make idle chat for three hours or so? This is the "Daria who would go to any lengths to win a bet"; I think this Daria is worth examining a bit.

As for Quinn, it's good to see that she still has her verbal repartee. However, I think that I've put my finger on the problem. Quinn has taken Daria's role as an outcast, but the question is, "then why is anyone worried about Quinn?" As far as we know, the popular kids never spent any time worrying about Daria. Outcasts are simply "not seen" in the world of the popular -- they are "unpersons" in the sense of the old Soviet Gulags. Why would Dawn, or Sandi, or Brooke spend all that time concerned over someone who has taken on the role of a non-person? The only conclusion one can come to is that all of the parties involved -- Sandi, Brooke, Dawn, et. al. -- think that this state of affairs is transitory, and they are now investing time in the hope of making it permanent.

Likewise, we know that Daria went on two dates -- but we don't know anything about how they went. It might have been a bit more interesting to be shown, rather than told. I'm aware that I've not read further; I only hope these issues will be addressed later on. I don't know what's the bigger problem -- that we know nothing about Daria's dates, or that we be presented with an abbreviated synopsis of them.

Inflate to 50 PSI

Reading: Turnabout Confusion

Tonight, I have my sleep study. Looking forward to it with a bit of trepidation. The worst part of it is that I can't have any caffeine after 1 pm; the people at the lab want to make sure that I'm able to fall asleep. A doctor might even prescribe a one-time sleeping pill if that proves impossible.

(* * *)

And now, on to "Turnabout confusion".

At the end of the first day -- Monday -- Daria finds Quinn at home, in tears with Helen wanting to know what's going on. Daria, however, is in a bad mood and has no time for explanations.

Quinn goes to Daria's room for a confrontation. She assumes that Daria is somehow using her brainpower as a form of tricky geek hypnosis, and accuses Daria of somehow engineering the whole bet. Daria responds that she hates all of the unwanted attention people are paying to her body and regrets the bet as well.

The two decide to break off the bet. Daria wonders how Quinn can stand all of the attention. Quinn thoughtlessly replies that she's strong enough to take it and it's nothing for Daria to be ashamed of if she can't.

Unfortunately, this statement causes Daria to angrily break the truce. The bet will be played out until the end of the week.

The next day, Jane observes Daria begin to acclimate to her new found popularity, or at least not be so hostile to the attention paid her. Jane finds this change of mind puzzling.

Quinn walks by. Jane needs answers, so she talks to Quinn and Quinn explains what has happened.

Quinn now has a new plan: to pretty much go into seclusion, hide out and cut a few classes until the bet blows over. Quinn figures that Daria will be the one to crack first.

Jane asks Quinn why she'd be telling Jane this, because Jane would have the option to reveal Quinn's plan to Daria. Quinn replies that Jane won't even get near Daria with all the fuss being made over Daria. Quinn further advises that Jane should make Daria pay for the slight after the bet is over.

(* * *)

This way of writing -- posting by segments -- is a very interesting way of composing a story. Some of Dennis's segments are just two or three paragraphs; others are longer and more detailed.

It would certainly be tempting for writer to misuse this power and get continuous happy feedback and ego-boosts. (Oh, the authors in the past that would have misused this!) But Dennis's premise is quite promising, and it is indeed well worthy of the laudatory attention.

The problem with segmental posting is that it's rather hard to review. I don't want to have to read the entire "Turnabout Confusion" before I review it. Part of the reason why is that I want to experience the story in the same manner as the commentors, only having part of the whole text to look at. This limits the reviewer to making suggestions along the lines of "if the story had only been completed to this part, this is what I might have done."

The premise leads to some interesting conclusions. First, it is implied that "the outcasts" might temporarily team up. Jane is the ultimate outcast, who took Mr. O'Neill's self-esteem class six times before meeting Daria. Jane would never normally talk to Quinn -- and she needs more information -- but it's natural to ask Quinn, because after all, they are both outcasts now. One commenter made the remark that Quinn is starting to use her mind now. One thing about being an outcast...it allows a lot of time for self-reflection.

Second: Quinn, furthermore, is probably right regarding the way things will play out over the next week. Jane has enough understanding of how high school works to know Quinn's words have the ring of truth.

The final comment I would like to make is that we haven't even begun to discuss the intoxicating power of popularity. Like it or not...popularity is powerful. Popularity is, in effect, celebrity. People remark how pretty you are, how brilliant you are, how witty you are. Every boy (or girl) wants to sleep with you, and every girl (or boy) wants to be your best friend. Everything you do is filtered through a rose-colored crystal and is interpreted as sheer brilliance. Sooner or later, you start to believe the bullshit and depend on it.

Quinn has lived with this power all of her life. She knows how to craft it. Like it or not, Quinn was not insulting Daria. She was being truthful. Quinn's ego is "strong enough" to take it. Hell, popularity is what she's sought all her life, and "with great power comes great responsibility (to be fabulous!)".

Daria, however, has had popularity thrust upon her. Brother Grimace continually makes the remark (and he has to stop, because it's in all of his fics) about how Daria thinks Quinn has a valve at the back of her neck which reads "Inflate to 50 PSI". Now, Daria is the one whose ego is being continually boosted by everyone around her. I expect Daria's head to start swelling...and soon.

I Can't Go Back on a Deal

Reading: Turnabout Confusion

Right now, work is very busy. Lots of stuff to be done before the end of the month, but I've reached a point where I require some assistance from other people. While I'm hurrying up and waiting, I'll add a blog entry. There! Done for another 24 hours!

(* * *)

And now, the beginnings of "Turnabout Confusion":

The story begins with Daria and Quinn having one of their usual arguments, which turns into an argument about how easy the other has it in life. Daria claims that all Quinn ever does is suck up to Sandi, and play people against each other. Quinn claims that all Daria ever does is hang around with her single friend, read, and not do anything.

Daria bets Quinn that Quinn couldn't live Daria's life. Quinn is eager for both of them to swap lives so that Quinn can prove her point. Daria has second thoughts about Quinn's eagerness, but is stuck with making the deal -- if Daria were to decline, Quinn would never let her hear the end of it.

Things change rapidly at Lawndale High. Quinn is put on "permanent fashion sabbatical" by Sandi. The cheerleaders begins scheming to overtake the Fashion Club in popularity. The Three Js are devastated.

Daria has to deal with unwanted attention. Her new clothes show off her, uh, upper assets and not only does she find her range of movement restricted -- you don't reach for high objects when wearing a midriff-baring shirt -- but finds herself fending off the advances of both Upchuck and Kevin Thompson, who is now quite willing to go out with Daria now that she's "hot".

Quinn has bigger problems. None of her former Fashion Club friends are talking to her and no one else at LHS is talking to her either. At her locker, she overhears the voices of the cheerleaders. The cheerleaders are making plans to get Daria on the cheerleading squad, but even if the plan fails, having Daria end up anywhere but the Fashion Club will be a big boost for the cheerleaders -- without Quinn as an moderating influence, Sandi Griffin is sure to alienate everyone. Quinn is devastated by the cheerleaders' speculation that the prospect of Quinn returning to her Fashion Club duties is no threat, because if Daria remains "hot" for much longer, Quinn will be unable to return to her status as the Most Popular of Popular.

(* * *)

Some rather disjointed comments.

1. It seems that there is a large segment missing from the story -- namely, the circumstances by which Quinn was put on "permanent fashion sabbatical". Undoubtedly, this is one of Sandi's power plays to expel Quinn from the Fashion Club. Quinn was ordered to take a sabbatical in "Quinn the Brain" when she started dressing in all-black; it seems that Sandi has decided to make Quinn's vacation a permanent one.

2. Given the above, I don't see why Quinn wouldn't go running back to the Fashion Club on bended knee. It does seem that Daria has the better of the deal. We'll hopefully learn more in future installments.

3. A great line from when Daria gives the reasons why she's turning down Kevin's request for a date. "One: I swapped you for a rat in sophomore year, and I can't go back on a deal."

4. The use of "Dawn" as a cheerleader's name -- I'm assuming that Dawn is a cheerleader; it hasn't been stated explicitly -- is very confusing. Dawn is the name of the silent and very heavy-set girl who wears headphones.

Anyway, an amusing start, even with the quibbles above. Looking forward to more.

I Like to Watch

Finished reading: AD17

Well, I'm two days away from the sleep apnea study. On Thursday night, I'll be strapped into a harness and be allowed to snooze away while a lab tech watches me snore. The tech will be reading a monitor that will be able to determine if I'm waking up in the middle of the night, then falling asleep. (Most people don't remember these mini-spells of awareness.)

If it's determined that I'm not getting enough restful sleep, there are options. One of them is a CPAP machine, meaning "continuous positive airway pressure". Sleep apnea sufferers wake up sometimes because they're not getting oxygen for one reason or another. A CPAP basically shoves oxygen down your throat every so often. Some people, however, have trouble sleeping with one of these things on.

We'll see how Thursday turns out.

(* * *)

And now onto the wonderful world of "Apocalyptic Daria".

Daria and Jane have made it to a refugee center at a church in Carthage. As they walk about, they find a few people giving them the stink eye. Daria notes that it's just like high school.

Jane lets Daria know that one of the men at the church propositioned her. Daria is surprised, as the man has a wife and children...which of course, never stopped anyone from propositioning anyone for sex.

The two find ways to keep themselves entertained. Jane puts on a puppet show for the kids, but Daria is asked by a young teen what is it exactly that Daria and Jane do...in bed?

(Sidenote: Remember the game when you open a fortune cookie and you have to read the fortune to everyone at the table and add the words "in bed"? Try it sometime.)

Apparently, one of the Head Witches at the church has decided that Daria and Jane are giving each other secret lesbian signs. Daria asks the girl if she has a best friend, and if she does, does that make the two of them lesbians? Obviously not.

Later, Daria gets her wound checked out. It turns out that the wound is infected and Daria is put on antibiotics -- but her skin breaks out that night. She clearly has had a reaction and is given epinephrine.

At the community room, the preacher calls for some volunteers to go mushroom hunting. Jane volunteers, her six-gun strapped at her side. As it turns out, the man who propositioned Jane has more sinister intent and follows Jane. His goal -- sexual assault.

He manages to disarm Jane, but is unaware that Jane carries a second gun. This proves out to be a fatal miscalculation for our rapist, whose body is left abandoned somewhere to grow mushrooms.

Jane returns, clearly shaken by the experience. However, an older parishoner tells Jane that he saw what happened out there and that the man had put the moves on several teen girls at the church. He consoles the two girls. The chapter ends with the dead man's wife asking someone at the church if anyone has seen her husband.

(* * *)

Gratuitous Lesbian References: 4 (*) -- might actually be five. There's the outside possibility that the 13-or-14 year old girl was not so much curious about Daria and Jane as she was angling for an invitation to join the Lesbian Club. ("Dear Penthouse...I never believed I'd be writing you, but I met these two girls at this refugee shelter....") Let's make it 4 1/2.

Meaningless exposition: 1, the scene where Daria's wound is inflamed. My rule is if it doesn't move the plot forward and if it won't be referenced again, why include it? This could have been disposed of by one long sentence stating that Daria had had a reaction. We don't need to know the ins and outs.

...

Hoo boy. Not the best chapter of "Apocalyptic Daria".

First, the lesbian references have gotten beyond annoying and are now reaching aggravating. I don't know if I can take much more of this joking. I might have to write my own chapter of "Apocalyptic Daria" where Daria and Jane find an old T-shirt making shop and create new shirts.

WE ARE NOT LESBIANS.
STOP ASKING.
THAT MEANS YOU, JANE.

By now, if I was Daria, I might start to seriously look for other friends. No wonder she wants to hook up with Martin Peters; at least he's not making lesbian jokes every five minutes. "Martin, promise me that when we're married, we'll move faaaaaaar away from Jane Lane." Nothing wrong with being gay, but I suppose there's nothing more aggravating than being around a closeted gay.

Second...the whole sexual assault thing. Let's post-mortem Round #2 of The Perils of Jane/Daria.

Oddly enough, the second assault parallels the first one. Married man with wife and kids wants unwilling teen action. I thought that thematically it was pretty bold, sort of like ending a car chase in a movie...and then another car chase takes place. Never be afraid to repeat yourself.

However, the entire things smacks of heavy melodrama. Let's review the rules of melodrama:

1. Sensational "movie of the week" topic
2. Building of suspense
3. Use of coincidence to move the plot
4. Moral which reaffirms the beliefs of the audience, which might be opposed to the audience's own stated beliefs.

Well, the entire rape thing already checks off #1 and #2. Attempted sexual assaults are pretty sensational, and the suspense is virtually built-in.

Now let's take a look at #3. Jane, coincidentally, heads off apart from the others. Our assailant, coincidentally, follows her and gets her alone. Coincidentally, Jane is carrying a second handgun. That's the big coincidence right there, the whole megillah. Without that final part of the coincidence, the assault might have been successful...which would have made it a different story altogether.

I'll get back to #3 later, but let's look at #4. The moral pretty much confirms the beliefs of the audience. "Rapists are evil and deserve to get shot." There are quite a few people that would be quite glad to affirm that statement in public.

From "The Simpsons":

Barlow: Mayor Quimby, you're well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on crime. But suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs, your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths, you try to open the door but there's too much blood on the knob --
Quimby: What is your question?
Barlow: My question is about the budget, sir.

Anyway, subverting #4 could have made for a much more interesting chapter. Suppose Jane was able to talk her rapist out of it. Suppose she was actually able to subdue him somehow and turn him over for a trial. I think either one of those outcomes -- and looking at whatever consequences followed -- would have taken the tale in a much more interesting direction than standard post-apocalypse fare. Yes, I'm sure we can all enjoy the thrill of shooting rapists dead, dead, dead -- but don't we get enough of that standard fare in TV and movies, already? Let's see a different spin!

Now, our old man. There was one part of the story which was rather disturbing and not followed up in the comments.

Quoting:

"Excuse me, miss," he said. Jane turned around and her face turned red as the man reached her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Jane kept her voice steady. "Why wouldn't I be all right?" she asked back.

"I saw what happened out there. (Emphasis mine -- CG.) Are you all right?"

I love how nonchalant this is. "Oh, I just happened to be wandering about gathering my mushrooms and I happened to notice that you were having a bit of a problem with a sexual assault. I decided to wait until we both got back to the church. So...how you doing?"

There's about a thousand unanswered questions there. I can just hear Jane think. Gee asshole, thanks for the help out there. Of course, Mr. Exposition tells Jane that this guy is a horndog but -- get this -- out of concern for his family they've decided not to do a damn thing about it. Until, of course, Jane solved the problem for them. "Thanks for that assist, stranger." What is this, the Catholic Church? (*)

I don't even bring up the possibility that the Old Man might have had a prior arrangement with Mr. Malefactor.

"Hey, I'll rape this girl!"
"Cool! I'll watch!" Who says community spirit disappears in the post-apocalyptic world?

Anyway, bad chapter. No biscuit. I'm going to have to walk away from the post-apocalyptic world for a bit until I can get my bearing back.



Next time: Quinn and Daria play dress-up -- with no real consequences, obviously -- in Dennis's "Turnabout Confusion"!



(*) (Editor's note. CINCGREEN has been suitably chastised for that anti-Catholic remark. He is referring to several high-profile cases where the officials of the Catholic Church looked the other way in isolated instances of child abuse. In no way is he implying that either the clergy of the Catholic Church or its parishoners are sexually-repressed pedophiles. )

Slans

Finished reading: AD16

Speaking of apocalyptic literature, I've just finished reading a "apocalypse" story called World War Z by Max Brooks. The premise of the novel is a "Zombie Holocaust" -- Zombies overwhelm the world and humanity struggles against them. The book is written in the form of individual accounts. The fun part is that if you look carefully, you can see George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton, Bill Maher, Ann Coulter, Colin Powell, Howard Dean and others and find out how -- and if -- they survived "World War Z".

(* * *)

We're back in the proverbial saddle for about five more parts of "Apocalyptic Daria".

Daria and Jane prepare to leave the swinging bachelor bad and get on the road, with clean clothes (from a working washer and drier) and hit the road listening to the sounds of Ray Stevens and Weird Al Yankovich.

While on the road, the two find a pack of dogs eating some large animal. They don't know what it is, but first Jane and then Dari begin firing on the dogs. Some dogs are killed, and some are wounded, and Jane determines that the animal might be a horse or a cow. Daria wants to try to kill as many dogs as possible, but Jane convinces Daria to let it go.

The two drive to a refugee center at a Methodist church in a town called Carthage, looking for a doctor for Daria's wounds. They meet Dr. Kathy Wilson, who as it turns out is a fan of survivalist novels and happens to be stocked up with rabies vaccine. (Daria is concerned that she might have contracted rabies from the scratch.)

Unfortunately for Daria and Jane, Dr. Wilson insists that Daria take the full course of the rabies treatment, which is five shots over twenty-eight days. Daria and Jane resign themselves to remaining in Carthage over the course of the next month.

(* * *)

We've already categorized some of the sins of "Apocalyptic Daria" and I'll simply mark a tally and go on:

Lesbian fanservice: 1
Daria crying: 1
Needless exposition: 1

However, none of those sins are egregious enough to spoil the series for me. Besides, this segment of AD is a little bit of filler designed to move the plot forward and get the Dynamic Duo to the next stop on the Apocalypse Train. We'll take a look at Carthage next time when we review AD17.

"Ben Raines" is mentioned in this story -- he was also mentioned in one of the earlier comments threads -- and I looked into the writings of William W. Johnstone, the man who wrote a series called the "Ashes" series with the title of every book "X in/from/of the Ashes". Johnstone must have written two hundred books of various genres in the period slightly over twenty years, which makes me wonder how good any of those books could be. (I remember reading a few books of "The Executioner" series by Don Pendleton, a series which would partially inspire Marvel Comics to create "The Punisher", so I'm not immune to the charms of a well-crafted pulp.)

There are a couple of theories as to why apocalypseliterature is so mesmerizing, and neither of them are flattering. The first sort of comes from the "fans are slans" attitude of science fiction from the 1950s. A "Slan" was a sort of superbeing invented by science fiction author A. E. van Vogt, and fans of the time invented the slogan "fans aer slans" -- namely, that science fiction fans are, well, smarter and better than the "mundane" non-fans out there. The theory is that many of these apocalypse fans see themselves in the "smarter and better" group, namely, "when the world falls apart, I will survive, because I've seen 'A Boy and His Dog'."

The other theory comes from Kurt Vonnegut. In "Hocus Pocus", part of the plot deals with the escape of several black prison inmates into a college town. The racial element is important, because Vonnegut writes that the hunkered-down inhabitants of the rural college town finally had what they had secretly wanted -- to turn the entire area into a "free-fire zone" where killing the kinds of people you had never liked was legal and justified.

In the same sense, one could hypothesize that apocalyptic literature appeals to the same wish-fulfillment -- that now that society has collapse, I can get my boomstick and "the world will be cleansed", becoming a place where I can be James Bond 2007 with a "license to kill".

I suppose my big problem with apocalypse lit is that I never experience the sheer terror of what a post-apocalyptic setting would be like. Johnstone's hero in "Ashes" is a mercenary, f'r pete's sake, undoubtedly skilled with all kinds of firearms. I can load a gun and fire one, but I'd no sooner call myself a gunfighter than put on a cowboy hat and strap a six-shooter to my side.

The closest anyone ever got to describing post-apocalyptic terror was Stephen King in the first half of "The Stand" -- the half I could read before the religious/metaphysical part of the book kicks in and it becomes standard horror-book tripe. Max Brook's "World War Z" comes close to what King accomplished.

What did they do that other apocalypse writers fail to do? They convey the fact that you can do everything right and still die, that life in the post-apocalypse is grossly unfair, that the strongest men perish and the weakest somehow surive, and that without society, like is nasty, brutish and short and we are all playthings of chance.