Drabble

* Yesterday, we left some ground beef in the sink to thaw out for dinner tonight. That same evening, my wife distinctly noticed that someone had been gnawing on the frozen beef. That someone was identified as Eartha, our color-point kitten.

This left us with two choices: we could either throw the beef out as unfit for human consumption, or not. Mind you, this is grass-fed, farmer's market beef. We made the painful decision to go ahead with our meal as planned, and to ignore the tiny bite mark. These are the decisions you make when you're an adult and food is expensive. Our meal has been cat-approved, at least.

* I was reading about becoming a Mason. "I nearly got in at Herndon!" At last, I learned a bit about that license plate I keep seeing - "to be one, ask one". This means that Masons are not allowed to solicit members, but you are quite allowed to seek out Masonic temples and simply ask to get in. The run-down Masonic temple around the corner appears to be quite crowded at times. My belt might not be high enough yet to apply for membership - when I'm old enough to be wearing it around my nipples might be the right time to apply.

* Jimmy Carter is sick in an Ohio hospital. He got sick on an airline flight from Atlanta to Cleveland. He's been there a couple of days now - in Cleveland that is, and not on the airline flight.

Carter should never have eaten those bags of airline chow. I'm sure that's what did it. No matter how bored you get, Mr. Carter, don't open that little silver bag. It's full of the airline chow that people left behind on previous flights.

* United States vs. Australia today in the FIBA World Cup. Game isn't over yet. What's the name of that 6'8" player from Australia? Cambage? She's about 19 years old, I think. In the American sports media, if she can't dunk the ball no one will care.

* If you talk about the stuff that you've written, is it self promotion? Given the present size of the story I'm writing, I'm thinking that I would have been much better off attempting a novel. I'd have the same outcome either way; no one would read it except for a handful of acquaintances. It keeps me from going crazier.

* If you don't shut up, voices in my head, I'll subject you to my painstakingly-written out timeline of the next 20 years.

* Thought exercise: think of your ten favorite rock bands. Then try to match up a song by another band that one of your favorite rock bands/singers could cover, and turn all of these songs into an album.

The Beatles: "Living Thing" by Electric Light Orchestra
The Ramones: "Multiply and Divide" by The Soviettes
Devo: "Simple Man" by Klaus Nomi
Kiss: "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin
David Bowie: "The Ballad of Maxwell Demon" from the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack
Kate Bush: "Pretty Good Year" by Tori Amos - I still think there is a better match elsewhere
Hole: still looking for a match

My problem: I only have seven favorite rock bands. It makes for a short album. I feel sorry for someone who has Lady Gaga as one of their Top Ten - Gaga is sort of in a class by herself right now. That won't last long. Every A&R man alive right now is trying to sign the Next Lady Gaga.

* Cycle of Fame in Five Acts

Act One: Who's Lady Gaga?
Act Two: Who was it who sang that song I heard yesterday on the radio? Oh yeah. I think it was "Lady Gaga".
Act Three: This movie has got to be a hit! We've got to have Lady Gaga do a song for it!
Act Four: This movie has got to be a hit! We've got to have a young version of Lady Gaga do a song for it!
Act Five: Who's Lady Gaga?

* Kathy Griffin is the new spokesperson for Kotex. I'm sure she's used Kotex in the past, but my understanding is that she's not using it now. (Change of life, as we call it.) I don't know if there's any similar predicament that a male celebrity would find himself in - promoting something that he might have used in the past but obviously using now. Maybe Patrick Stewart selling Grecian Formula - a hair dye.

* CINCGREEN's Rule of Bumper Stickers: The maximum amount of bumper stickers you are allowed to have on your car is two. Any more means that you have too much to say. Stay away from the person who has twelve bumper stickers on his or her car, all espousing the same political philosophy.

* Ruth has already figured out the plot of Machete Kills, the as-yet-unconfirmed sequel to Machete. Let's just say that someone is supposedly killed off-screen but we never actually see the body or the killing. There, I said it without really giving anything away.

* CINCGREEN's Quick Movie Review Formula: If all you have to look at is the commercial for a movie without reading the review, start with four stars, and subtract one star for each time something blows up in the commercial. The number of stars left over indicates how good the movie is. Some movies will end up with negative stars.

* I recently read that the person who edited all of Quentin Tarantino's movies just died at the age of 57. I guess we'll find out how important movie editors are with Tarantino's next movie.

* To Brother Grimace: I don't like coffee. But my wife does!