Cultural Osmosis

There's something called "learning by osmosis". With an internet search, I learned that "osmosis" is a scientific term that really doesn't apply to learning, but which has been bastardized into meaning "learning unconsciously". In effect, learning by osmosis is subliminal learning - one learns various facts simply by the act of being exposed to modern culture, even though one's intention might not have been to seek such specific knowledge. Indeed, one might have actually resisted learning certain things but was forced to learn them because a reference to modern culture might be inexplicable without obtaining certain facts.

The best example is Mr. Spock. Just about everyone knows who Mr. Spock is, and if you don't, I'm referring to the science-fiction character and not the man who wrote several books on child care. Even people who never watched Star Trek know who Mr. Spock is. Even people who hated any mention of Star Trek know who Mr. Spock is. Even people who don't read science fiction know who Mr. Spock is. Why? Because there are too many references to Mr. Spock as being a cool science fiction character, or being unemotional, or logical, or whatever. If you listen to enough bad jokes by a certain generation of comedians, you pick up the knowledge about Mr. Spock by context. He's this sort of monotone, emotionless character who represents logical thinking with all of its advantages and flaws. You don't have to really know anything else about him - at all, except that he's a science fiction character. (The nerve pinch and Planet Vulcan are just trivia.)

If you hang around long enough in modern life, you will be exposed to these Mr. Spock references even if you don't want to be. You will be forced to learn something about him - the bare minimum if necessary - or many jokes or allegories will make no sense whatsoever. Even without watching Star Trek, one has created a shorthand sketch of Mr. Spock, a sketch fleshed out just enough so that one can function.

I've found that as one gets older, this process becomes more and more difficult. Part of the reason, as Adam Cadre suggested, is that older people become much more selective in how they interact with popular culture. Part of this choice is forced - with job and family responsibilities, one has less time to devote to movies and junk culture. Another part of this selectivity comes with...well, there's no nice way to put it. Your taste improves over time. The kind of stuff you would have let pass in the past - stuff that tvtropes.org loves to write about - is no longer amusing, not even "ironically", whatever "ironically" is supposed to mean. Stuff you thought hilarious or compelling for whatever reason at age 25 sucks at age 45.

When one was younger, if one didn't understand a pop culture reference, you just watched some more TV until you got it - and trust me, when you're young you watch a lot of TV. Middle-aged people don't have that kind of free time. Between watching the kids and handling family emergencies, they barely have time to surf the internet and look up these obscure people to whom they're exposed. They just let it pass, and fall further behind on the pop culture curve.

I, for one, have gotten to the point where I no longer listen to popular music. This is a shame. Up to 1995 I was hip and current to what was going on; after 1995 not so much. I have a set of vague categories into which 21st-century popular musicians fall in:

1. Tuneless pop-tarts (Britney, Christine Aguilera, Jessica Simpson)
2. Idol singers (Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia)
3. Pre-teen phenoms (Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus)
4. Rappers
a. Cartoonish rappers (Lil' Wayne)
b. Dangerous gangsta rappers (50 Cent)
c. Businessman/Fashion rappers (Kanye West, Jay-Z)
5. Lady Gaga

If you were to ask me who T. I. was, I couldn't tell you - I don't know enough about T. I. to snap him into one of my three predetermined rapper categories. As far as my rap universe is concerned, all rappers have to fall into one of those groups. There are a few exceptions: Eminem falls into d. White Rappers and Lil' Kim falls into e. Girl is a Whore Rappers. However, categories d. and e. only have one person in either of them so they barely count as categories. You might as well just say "and Eminem and Lil' Kim" and go forward.

Categories one through five, as far as I'm concerned, are the entire modern musical universe. Whenever I hear of someone, I figure out just enough about them to throw them into one of the five categories above.

And of course, there are television shows that I haven't seen either. Luckily for me, most of those shows I haven't seen are reality television, and all of its 'stars' can be thrown into two categories.

1. Odious reality TV stars (The Real Housewives of Wherever, Kate Plus Eight)
2. REALLY odious reality TV stars (The Hills, Jersey Shore)

There used to be another category called "Pleasant Reality TV Stars" but that was canceled somewhere around the year 2000 - you can't get a reality show these days unless you're 'outrageous' - and modern Hollywood doesn't get 'outrageous' and translates it into obnoxious. If I need to know about some reality star, I just memorize a name and throw it into one of those two categories.

So what brought all of this on? A copy of People Magazine that was left in the men's bathroom. Here are the things I'm supposed to know, believe in, care about, or understand in the year 2010:

* I'm supposed to know who Justin Bieber is. I do, he's in the Pre-Teen Phenom category. Oddly enough, I have not heard a single Justin Bieber song. I've not even heard one half-way through. Ditto for the Jonas Brothers. I have heard Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" but I've heard nothing else from her.

This goes to show I'm no longer in the coveted 18-39 demographic. Three of the most powerful acts in show business and I can only name one song.

* I'm supposed to care about what Snooki is wearing. I've had to learn who Snooki is, but she's one of those people that's so odious that you're actually ashamed to know her name. Then again, it's not Snooki's fault. With 500 channels in the 21st century as opposed to the three channels I grew up watching getting ratings is exponentially more difficult. MTV wanted eyeballs and they shoved the dumbest, most pig-ignorant people in front of us in hopes that people would watch. They did. In 1976, you wouldn't have needed a Snooki on TV to get people to watch; you could have gotten five times the rating of Jersey Shore with just about anything you'd care to show.

This is why I don't want MTV to remake Daria or create a sequel. God knows what they'd do to the cartoon to try to draw viewers.

* Kate Gosselin is on the cover - a woman whose only talent appears to be having a lot of children though the use of fertility drugs. She has ventured into both dancing and reporting on a light entertainment program; both efforts revealed her lack of talent. She's in a bikini with some spectacular new body below her neck, a body she claims she got without the help of surgery or a personal trainer - supposedly just a tummy tuck after surgery.

So who am I supposed to believe? This fame whore? Or twenty-five years of practical experience that tells me that celebrities - even minor ones - don't look the way they do without either

a) four hours a day with a personal trainer,
b) surgery ranging from dental work (usually veneers), face-lifts, Botox, and liposuction, or
c) winning the kind of genetic lottery that only a handful of people win. You need to see a picture of the celebrity as a child to figure that out. You could tell that Brooke Shields and Angelina Jolie were going to be future models even as children. Kate Gosselin, however? Not so much.

On the other hand, before you weep for humanity, I did learn two things that cheered me up:

* Arnold Schwarzenegger has a daughter. I didn't know he had any children. She seems to be perfectly well adjusted despite having a notoriously famous father, she says that she works out with her dad every day.

* Kelly Osbourne has lost a lot of weight. Rather than giving some complex explanation involving a Brazilian carbohydrate diet and fish oils, she said she exercised portion control and worked out a lot more. I mean, that's the secret of weight loss right there. What else is there? Such answers give me hope for humanity yet.