Message from Another Time

(Note: review of AD15 coming hopefully today. Till then, I'm just pulling out some old material on the hard drive, dusting it off, and turning it into a blog post. This post is a massive diversion and has virtually nothing to do with Daria or Daria fandom, so you can skip it. -- JB)

If you're familiar with my long, ugly history in Daria fandom, you'll know that I happen to use the term "BNF". This isn't a term I invented. Neither are Greybird's plural for fan ("fen") or use of the term "neofen."

All of these terms come from science fiction fandom, a fandom that has existed since the 1930s. However did they do without the internet, you might ask? Well, instead of message boards, they had the letter columns in magazines. Instead of websites, they had fanzines.
Instead of e-mail, they had real-mail. Instead of instant messaging, they had Western Union and telephones.

Furthermore, these ancient fans, with little more than pencils, papers, and the occasional mimeographed fanzines, managed to have all the same dumbass disputes internet fans have had without the help of internet pseudonymity. All of the heights we think we've scaled on the internet were scaled by people about sixty years ago.

For example, I borrowed my first pseudonym -- Petrel -- from Francis Towner Laney, whose incendiary memorior Ah, Sweet Idiocy! is virtually a bible for modern Insurgents, and who was called "The Stormy Petrel". (Even then, the seeds of CINCGREEN were planted in Petrel.) You can't read Ah, Sweet Idiocy! anywhere on the net -- it's hard to find in science fiction fandom, if I understand -- but I have read excerpts on the next. Laney was an acid critic of the failings of science fiction fans, and Ah, Sweet Idiocy! was his way of burning his bridges. (To get a sense of his style, read "Syllabus for a Fanzine", where he goes after crappy webzines.

Laney escaped being persona non grata by suddenly dying. To this day, there are those who think that Laney's death was a fake and he did the ultimate "get away from it all". (Back in the day, without the internets, faking your death was quite easy. You just had a friend send mail to all your friends and enemies saying "I regret to inform you that so-and-so died." How were you going to check? However, I believe some fans of fans have found Laney's actual death certificate, so R. I. P. F. T. L.)

However, my point was to introduce you to "The Enchanted Duplicator", a story written by BNFs Walt Willis and Bob Shaw. It was written in 1954 and was basically addressed to science fiction fans of the time, but I believe that it has something to say to fans in any type of fandom at any time. From the webpage introduction:

The Enchanted Duplicator is more than a simple fairy tale about one fan's slow progress into the heartland of 'Fandom'. It contains practical advice on the pitfalls awaiting the new fan, puns wherever they could be fitted in, and it is a somewhat distorting window into a past era of fandom. But as well as all this, it is an allegory and a fable. A moral is not stated: it is implicit in every page. Simply: anyone may become a 'True Fan', but only by their own efforts. However, a sense of humour and a willingness to get along with other fans is essential.

(To that, I say there are very few 'True Fans' in Daria fandom. The Angst Guy is one of the few I know.)

The tale is allegorical. I'll close with my self-composed glossary from "The Enchanted Duplicator", now sitting on my hard drive for some time. I'll let it see the light of day and I hope that it whets your desire to read "The Enchanted Duplicator". (Iron Chef: Write a version of "The Enchanted Duplicator" for Daria fandom.)

(* * *)

GLOSSARY OF TERMS FROM WILLIS AND SHAW

Mundane -- the country where all non-fans live

Prosaic -- a village in the country of Mundane

Jophan -- a young man who lives in the city of Prosaic

Spirit of Fandom -- a magical fairy who comes to Jophan and lets him know that there is a world outside of Mundane. She carries two wands, one called Contact and the other called Fanac ("fan activity"). The wands show him visions of this wonderful world, and Jophan wants to take part.

Mountains of Inertia -- mountain range which surrounds Mundane. The mountains are supposedly unclimbable; to reach Fandom these mountains must be crossed.

True Fan -- an inhabitant of the land of Fandom and what Jophan wishes to become.

The Enchanted Duplicator -- what Jophan wishes to seek in Fandom, so that he may publish the Perfect Fanzine. (During the days of science fiction fandom, fans would write fanzines which would be sent through the mails to other interested fans.) Also known as the Magic Mimeograph.

The High Tower of Trufandom -- where the Enchanted Duplicator rests

Umor -- a shield the Spirit of Fandom gives Jophan. If he keeps it polished, it will protect him on his journey. (Umor as in "humor", i. e. a sense of humor.)

Fortress of Stupidity -- a forest that grows all around Mundane, sheltering it from the winds blowing out of Fandom

Swift, Offset and Litho -- brothers that try to distract Jophan on his journey. (Their names refer to a process called offset lithography, more suitable for large scale commercial printing.) They end up draining prospective fans of money and those fans never reach Fandom.

the Great BNF -- the major deity of fandom. (BNF = "big name fan")

Letterpress Railroad -- a railroad which promises a direct route to Fandom, only for its trains to continually break down. (Letterpress is the complicated method of printing with movable type.)

Circle of Lassitude -- A place where people who found getting to Fandom too tiresome a process and have created their own society. Many of them have never reached Fandom. When the occasionally fanzine blows by, they pay no attention to it, preferring to chat and drink instead. (Inspired by the London SF Circle of the 1950s.)

Robert George Leth (Leth, R. G, or "lethargy") -- a member of the Circle

Region of Fog -- an area within the Forest of Stupidity

the Disillusion -- a spirit that tries to convince Jophan not to proceed. Disillusion once rode into Fandom on his high horse, but no one paid attention to him. He tried to teach the citizens of Fandom, but they had nothing to learn from him and he remains indignant to this day.

Plodder and Erratic -- two neofen ("new fans") that accompany Jophan on his journey. Plodder has no Shield of (H)Umor -- but is incredibly thick-skinned. Erratic prefers to rest of long periods of time, and then make up the ground in spurts.

Hekto Swamp -- an area just inside the borders of Fandom. Many neofans perish here, to sink forever within its purple depths. (A "hekto" is a carbon used in mimeographing, and can stain one's hands purple if one is not careful.)

Abydix, Roneoaks and Ellam trees -- trees that grow throughout fandom, known for their powerful root system. (Ellam is a reference to a mimeographic inker; I don't know to what the other two refer.)

Jungle of Inexperience -- a jungle within Fandom that can bring any neofan to a standstill

Torrent of Overinking - a floodstream that occasionally carries neofans away in its wake

slip sheet -- a sheet which can be used to rescue someone from the Torrent of Overinking (They appear to refer to divider pages.)

Typos -- beasts living in the Jungle of Inexperience which attack neofans

Correcting Fluid -- a magical fluid that kills any wound made by a typo

Kerles -- a fan who has the power to make Typos do his bidding -- but not often, and not well. (Named after Max Kerles, a 1950s science fiction fan whose work was typo-ridden.)

Perfexion -- a paranoid fan who attempts to hack his way through the Jungle of Inexperience and is horribly frightened of Typos. He is making very slow progress.

Kolektinbug -- a small bug sold by the Hucksters who on the road to the High Tower of Trufandom. The bug is actually a leach that will suck the life right out of a neofan. (After "collecting bug", obviously.)

"City of Trufandom" -- a place Jophan visits on his journey. It is actually a club that spends most of its time arguing with each other, giving contradictory orders, and awaiting the election of officers so one member can boss around the others. Jophan tries to convince a citizen to join him on the way, but the young man is too afraid to progress without the help of the others and Jophan leaves.

Dedwood -- the builder of the "City of Trufandom". Unfortunately, most of its buildings are ramshackle facades.

"City of Serious Constructivism" -- a city Dedwood works on building. He hopes the public will be impressed.

Mr. Press -- a representative of the Public that occasionally visits Fandom. Jophan watches Dedwood be interviewed by Mr. Press. Despite Dedwood's grandiose comments, Mr. Press pays no attention to Dedwood, failing to write anything in his press notebook except "gosh-wow-oh-boy-oh-boy" and drawing a picture of Dedwood wearing a helicopter beanie.

Profan -- a resident of a colony between Trufandom and Mundane. He only visits Trufandom occasionally, but is willing to help neofans as long as he isn't overwhelmed by them. He tells Jophan of the perils that will face him. (A "pro fan" is a published science fiction writer who used to be a fan, thus living in both worlds.)

Glades of Gafia -- a distraction that Profan warns Jophan about. The glades seem refreshing, but they are so comfortable that most fans never leave them. (After "GAFIA", or "get away from it all". Fans that have taken a long break from fandom and never come back are said to have "gafiated".)

Subr -- a seemingly indifferent group of people who refuse to aid Jophan or even talk to him until he convinces them that he has the stamina to procced and that he will accept their help. (Probably after 'submitter' or 'subscriber', both important to fanzine life.) They then begin to accompany him on his journey, giving limited aid.

Sycofan -- a fan who refuses to proceed until he invokes the power of the "BNFicient spirits". (After "sycophant", a fan who will only associate with "high ranking" fans.) He refuses to associate with Jophan, surviving on the occasional "manna-scripts" sent to him by the BNFicient.

Egg o' Bu -- the egg of a "bu-bird". The yoks and whites of the eggs give Jophan a lot of strength. They do have side effects though -- intoxication and a swelling of the head. (After "ego-boo", or ego boost, basically a kind word from another fan.)

Canyon of Critcism -- the deadliest passage on the way to Trufandom. Many neofans have been known to perish here, their journeys coming to a tragic end.

Magrevoos, Fanmagrevoos, Promagrevoos -- Beings living in the Canyon of Criticism which have been known to hurl large rocks down upon neofans. If a neofan has not kept his Shield of Umor intact, he might perish. These creatures are plodded into activity by Headhunters. (I am unable to make out the reference.)

Fillips -- a near extinct tribe which helps neofans attacked by the Magrevoos. These fans are replenished by the Fillips's supply of Egg o' Bu. (This might come from the word "fillip", meaning "something trivial" -- possibly an exhortation that criticism is trivial in the long run.)

Letteraxe -- a fan which offers to help Jophan by sending messages to the Headhunters that control the Magrevoos. Jophan notes that it would be just as easy to travel, but Letteraxe prefers to stay where he is and send messages. (A reference to "letter hacks".)

The Magic Mimeograph -- turns out to be a rusty hulk of a machine, an eyesore. However, when Jophan takes the handle, he is invested with strength. As the Spirit of Fandom tells him, the final lesson is that "FOR THE MAGIC MIMEOGRAPH IS THE ONE WITH THE TRUE FAN AT THE HANDLE."