"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (The Simpsons)", 10-14-2007

I have a confession to make about "The Simpsons". I'd say a good seventy percent of the reason I still watch "The Simpsons" comes from being a Simpsons completist. I was there at the beginning, and I expect to be there when the show finally (if ever) produces its last episode.

I realized this only last year. The local Atlanta network began running a hour of "The Simpsons", two episodes back to back. One would be an early episode, the other would be an episode originally aired about eight or nine years later. Much of the time, when my wife wanted us to get to get together to watch "The Simpsons", she'd warn "the last one's not a good one". With increasing frequency -- the "two-episode policy" of the local network had been in force for years -- we began to bail out on that final bookend.

One of the episodes last year -- in the 18th Glorious Season -- was so bad that I asked myself "why I am still watching this?" It was then that I realized the scope of my addiction.

"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" is going to be one of those episodes that I suspect that people are going to skip when they're rerun somewhere in Cuba. (I also wonder who is going to buy those "The Complete Nineteenth Season" compilations. Probaby nerds like me with money.) This episode is a good example of why the later Simpsons is held in such disdain:

a) A recycled trope. I can name at least two "Marge/Prison" episodes before this one. There was the episode where Marge actually served time in prison for shoplifting. And there's the episode where Marge befriended parolee Michael Keaton -- well, that wasn't the name of the character, but he was a guest star. Now, in this episode Marge finds herself in a hostage situation, and ends up by promising to visit the bank robber while he is in prison -- but fails to.

For some bizarre reason, the writers seem to think that Marge + Prison = funny. And by God, they're determined to keep working on that equation until they get it right!

An entire episode of "South Park" was dedicated to the fact that "The Simpsons" had figuratively done every plot there was to do in wacky animated comedy. I suppose even the writing staff at "The Simpsons" is recognizing that now. Either that, or Dana Gould didn't catch any of those episodes.

b) Writers who don't pass the laugh test. See Gould, Dana, who wrote five post-2000 episodes, none of them particularly funny. From now on, I might want to know who the writer is before I invest 30 minutes of time. At least, I can be prepared for the worst.

c) Voice performers who don't pass the laugh test. I can tell you one thing about Steve Buscemi -- he ain't no Albert Brooks. "But CINCGREEN!" you might cry, "Buscemi played comedic roles in all of those Adam Sandler movies -- "Billy Madison!" "The Wedding Singer"! "Mr. Deeds!"" To which I answer, "I rest my case."

Then again, it's hard to be funny as a voice performer. Some people get it and some don't. I don't think Buscemi got it. But then again, I can't imagine anything but disaster from Steve Buscemi trying to read Dana Gould's line in an obstensible animated comedy. There must be a room in Hell for that, next to Sartre's.

d) Shameless fan service. Bits of Simpsons trivia left for those still obsessively collecting it (like me). When I'm in my decaying nursing home, I'll probably be sitting in a wheelchair muttering to myself that the list of people Marge has permitted Homer to marry if she dies consists of Lindsey Naegle (a minor Simpsons character), Boobaraella (another one), and Blythe Danner (possibly a Simpsons character). Marge gets points for Naegle, but Cookie Kwan should also be on the list!

There are also voiceovers from Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Ted Nugent. Nugent's is wasted, playing himself on an in-episode radio commercial. Since Nugent is also a cartoon character in real life, he should be given a future chance to shine.

At least we have "Treehouse of Horror XVIII" on next week. Just a warning -- that middle act is the weakest of the three stories. "The Simpsons" warned you about that six years ago. I know.