"Everybody Hates Driving (Everybody Hates Chris)", 10-15-2007

This particular "Everybody Hates Chris" concerns the love of any teenage boy's life -- the car. In this case, Julius's car, as Chris isn't old enough to drive a car on his own.

Chris, who is still in junior high school (although a fifteen-year old ninth grader) has been asking to be allowed behind the wheel of his father's car. His father has put him off for a long time, but gives in and lets Chris drive the car across the street to park it. Julius is so impressed that he decides to let Chris move the car to the other side of street for him when necessary -- occasionally, cars have to be moved for street cleaning, as this is Brooklyn.

Chris's new car relocation duties begin the next day -- Chris will move the car across the street, then head off to school. Julius will remain home all day, asleep and completely dead to the world, as he works many jobs and Chris's mother, Rochelle, is obsessed with Julius getting enough sleep. Rochelle, meanwhile, is off to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket, and brings younger brother Drew and younger sister Tonya with her.

Chris enjoys the admiration he seems to be getting as a product of the authority that comes from behind the wheel. However, neighborhood hoodlum Jerome spots Chris and gets in the car, offering to show him how to "ride low" -- with his collars turned up and slinking all the way to the bottom of the car.

The ride takes a long time, and Chris ends up "about fifty blocks" from where he started. Jerome suggests that since he's already disobeyed his father by moving the car away from the street, he might as well go whole hog and drive the car to school, else Chris would be late anyway. Chris agrees with the "in for a penny, in for a pound" principle and drives his father's car to school.

At school, he wins everyone's admiration -- the admiration of his friend, Greg, as well as that of school bully Caruso. More importantly, he wins the attention of several attractive young girls at the school.

Meanwhile, in traffic court, Rochelle has to sit and wait her turn. She immediately beings complaining about the slow speed of the court, and can be overheard by the judge in charge of traffic court. She is reprimanded and told to sit down. Her kids begin complaining of hunger, and Rochelle offers them potato chips -- and the crunching of chips gets the attention of the judge again. Rochelle concludes this will be a loooooong day in court.

(* * *)

After school, Chris allows several of the young ladies to "ride" in his car (it's actually just them sitting in park, and listening to the radio). However, when it comes time to leave, the car won't budge. Panic sets in. Greg remembers that the school's janitor has been known to do favors for students -- for five dollars a pop.

The janitor knows Chris -- "I know you! You're the black kid!" -- and five dollars later, the janitor has got the car running again. Unfortunately for Chris, the total fee is $10 -- $5 for car repair, and another $5 to keep his mouth shut.

(* * *)

Back at traffic court, the kids are off to look for vending machines (Drew) or go to the bathroom (Tonya). After Drew gets paid $10 for his (presumably drug-free) urine and Tonya is rescued from a polite drug-runner in the women's bathroom, Rochelle's case finally comes up.

Rochelle, having watched all of the pleadings before hers, repeats variations of a theme to an unimpressed judge. However, Rochelle remembers that the testifying officer has always testified that each case was seven miles per hour over the speed limit. Rochelle rightly questions this dubious claim and the judge asks if the officer has the calibration proof for his radar gun. He does not.

Case dismissed! Rochelle does an in-your-face end-zone type celebration. Rochelle, through pure brainpower, has evaded a $50 fine for a parking ticket -- and earned an $80 fine for contempt of court. Well, "it takes money to make money", one supposes.

(* * *)

The family returns home. Rochelle bemoans her fate at traffic court. And yes, the car has now been moved over to the other side of the street, just like Julius asked. Chris is tempted to confess all to his father -- then, rationality and self-preservation kick in. Remember: if you're a teen, if you do something wrong, and if you get away with it, you don't give away the game!! (It's called the 11th Commandment: "Don't get caught.")

And for once in his life, things have gone Chris's way. He managed to take the car to school, earn the admiration of all, not get in an accident, not get caught by the police, and no one is the wiser. There's just one detail that Chris forgot about....

(* * *)

I definitely have to give some credit to the writers for avoiding the kind of tropes one sees on a comedy like "Saved by the Bell".

For example:

-if a kid smokes marijuana, the salesman will try to introduce him to harder drugs
-if a kid drives drunk, there will be a car crash
-if a kid wears slutty clothes, someone one will aggressively come on to her

...and so forth. Most of those tropes are just veiled reinforcements of messages that the society as a whole is interested in conveying. They're not offensive, except to people of intelligence -- there have been many cases of people doing all of the above and getting away with it. The idea that one would never get away with it makes for lazy writing, which is why "Saved by the Bell" is so reviled.

And Chris actually gets away with it. (Almost.) He drives the car, but doesn't have an accident. He makes it to school, but no one reports it to his parents. The Brooklyn cop he drives past doesn't pull him over. The fact is, kids get away with this stuff all the time, they don't learn any lessons (in the 23rd minute of a 24-minute sitcom, a time called the "moment of shit" by some writers), or if they do, those lessons depend on the moment. Chris was just happy to get back unscathed.

There are a few complaints though. Assuming that Chris doesn't have much experience in driving, I'm surprised he didn't have an accident. I've driven in New York city. Manhattan is terrifying, and Brooklyn and Queens, though not as peril-inducing, are certainly not much easier with their narrow streets and with Chris behind the wheel of one of the war-wagons of the 1970s. I find it hard to believe he didn't have an accident, because I would have at fifteen.

Secondly: Where did Chris get $10? I got an allowance in the early 80s, and it was nowhere near $10. Maybe the cost of living in New York is that expensive. Can anyone who was alive in New York at the time and getting an allowance help me out here?

Finally, it seems that Rochelle's character tends to rock back and forth between extremes -- towards simmering, barely-checked resentment to wild-black-woman-on-the-loose. It seems to switch into wild-woman a bit during her traffic scenes, but it could just be the presence of the kids driving her crazy. I just would like the writers to pick a consistent characterization, and have her stick with it. They're doing well everywhere else, is a little attention to Rochelle too much to ask?