The Autobiography of Jane Lane - With Fiber!

There is an incredible demand for my biography. I'm getting all kinds of hits. They all come from the same place, but every hit counts, as Daria says, so I take this as encouragement to keep writing.

Did you know that the Lane family once had a garden? No, seriously. When I was four I remember us having a garden in the back yard.

Summer told me that the goal was to plant cabbages, beets, and strawberries. It sounds like a failed dessert, but Dad decided that we had better have a garden just in case of imminent Lane poverty. I guess he wasn't selling any photographs then. He planned that garden like...well, he probably put more work into that than anything. I saw him using string to line the rows just right and I remember Dad and Penny working out in the garden. She liked the garden too.

We didn't have much of a yield the first year, but we had something. We had fresh strawberries, cream, and sugar.

The next year when I was five we had a drought. It killed everything in the garden. I rememeber flocks of butterflies flittering around the garden and Dad trying to chase them away. I got mad at him and began to chase Dad.

It seems that butterflies eat strawberries. Or something. I'm not sure how the process goes. I'd think it would take about five pounds of butterflies to eat a strawberry, but I don't know, maybe butterflies were more of a deadly menace ten years ago. It's like a M. Night Shalayman film. No one talks about The Day The Butterflies Came and Carried Off The Children. All I can remember is kicking Dad in the shins because of the butterflies.

With the drought, Dad lost interest. The squared off area became a source for weeds. Then three years later Mom resodded the back yard and removed all traces of Dad's garden. I don't think Dad noticed it was gone. He had moved on.

I asked Trent about the garden. He just said, "I hate beets." He ran his hands through his hair, and then started plucking a tune about beets...awful beets.

I guess I know who ate the beets. Looks like Dad's garden is still fertile. I expect strawberries, por favor!

The Autobiography of Jane Lane, Parte the Seconde

My friend Daria said I should write more. I don't like writing because I don't feel comfortable having her apply her super-sarcasm to my shitty writing. Having Daria around is cool because she doesn't know enough about art to judge what I do. I've been carrying her all year in Ms. Defoe's class. Daria can draw a good sketch now and then, but she should stick to painting ceramic kitty-cats.

Ms. D wanted us to make moldings of the male torso, which we would bake in the kiln. I think Daria's looked like a weightlifter with breast implants. We put it in the kiln and its little pecs blew up. No joke. Ms. D gave Daria a B because she's really nice even though Daria's was the only one that blew up. I didn't say anything or Daria would be in a pissy mood all day.

I thought I already told you everything about my life, you bastards. You're going to crucify me like Paris, just because I showed my cha-cha while climbing out of the car. Yeah, I was three and I forgot to wear underwear, but I know the Press has long memories. You guys never let up, do you.

What else is there to tell you? Oh yea, I got into trouble at school today. It seems that my locker set off some alarms during one of Ms. Li's sweeps for radiation. I've been keeping some interesting industrial metal artifacts in there, and one of them was radioactive. So I got sent to the local hospital, had things X scanned and cat rayed and a $2000 whatchamajiggy later I was pronounced healthy of body and sent home. Ms. Li was at the hospital grumbling all the while, asking the doctor just to use a stethoscope. I think she stole some tongue depressors on the way out.

I came back home tumor free, I think. But the scanner didn't find the lead based paint I ate as a child. I tried to expose myself to lead paint when I was nine because I thought I would paint like Goya, but all I got was a stomachache and blue teeth. Have you ever seen Goya's self-portrait? It looks just like what I think Trent will look like, sort of what Ludwig van looked like.

There. That's part two of my biography. I swear I'm just going to make stuff up next time.

The Autobiography of Jane Lane

I got the idea from an Iron Chef by mman, where he asks a Daria character to write his or her autobiography.

(* * *)

I regret to inform you of the secret history of the Lane family. You're going to be sorry you read this, because I'm not good at writing.

We are the outcasts of the Lane family in more ways that one. My father's name is Vincent Lane, but Dad is an illegitimate child. He is the son of my grandmother Marietta Lane, who used to live in New York.

It was a big scandal. Marietta went to a home for unwed mothers until Dad was born. My friend Daria looked up the name that my grandmother put on the birth certificate. My granfather's name is "William Patrick Heller".

So we couldn't find out anything about William Patrick Heller. However, Daria signed up for that Mormon online database and we had some more information. Given Mr. Heller's birthdate and place of birth on the birth certificate, we believe that Mr. Heller is actually Mr. William Patrick Hitler. W. P. Hilter is the half-son of Alois Hitler, who is the brother of the other Hitler guy.

Which explains why Dad moves around all the time and why this branch of the Lane family is so weird. I mean, I'm Hitler's great grand-niece. I think the reason Dad isn't at home a lot is because that way, the assassins can't draw a bead on him.

As for my birth, my mother, Amanda Knight, was American royalty, the granddaughter of one of the guys who invented envelopes. He might have just made envelopes. If someone on Mom's family had been a lot smarter, you would have to call envelopes "Lanes" and I'd be living on easy street.

My origins of birth are humble. I was born on December 25th. It was during an Xmas play that Dad was photographing with Mom in West Virginia. Unfortunately, we didn't make it to the hospital in time, but Dad got some really great pictures. Mom got her tubes tied after that.

After that, I was shoved back into our ancestral home at Lawndale, with all of our family's genetic output. There was Summer, who was 15 and already planning her escape. Wind was 14 and had moved into the attic. Penny was 13 and already become the famous terror of Lawndale.

After Penny, my parents wisely decided to hold off for a few years. Or Dad had gotten lost on a trip to Tibet, I'm not sure. My older brother Trent was five when I was born and I'm sure you know who he is because he told me about having to write his biography and he got up to the time when he was four before he ran out of paper.

When I got to the time when the Man forced me to go to school, the old rotting house had emptied out. Summer had squeezed out some loinfruit and left. Wind had joined the Navy for six months. I don't know what happened, there's some story about him not being allowed back on the boat, but I can't ask him about it because he starts crying. Penny was one of the few people to cross to border into Mexico illegally, hopping on a bus the minute she graduated from Lawndale High.

So I was raised by my older brother Trent. I think it was like Tarzan raising Cheetah. Or maybe Cheetah raising Tarzan. I don't know which of the two is smarter.

Since we didn't have pencils, or pens, or anything sharp, I found all of Mom's old pottery supplies and began painting up a storm. My first work was called, "Ode to an Empty Refrigerator". I painted it when I was three, using Mom's porcelain paint. It was a white canvas, which I made full use of, turning the kitchen into a magical world of color.

When my Mom saw the mess, she said, "We have a little artist", and my work was displayed proudly in the kitchen for the next ten years. However, the refrigerator gave out four years later and the floor in the kitchen rotted through when I was ten. Two years of contractors later, and most of my original work had disappeared, leaving only fond memories.

After that, I was determined to leave my mark on the world as a suffering and tortured artist. Which is very hard when nobody knows who you are. When Van Gogh cut off his ear, at least everyone knew, hey, that's Van Gogh, what is he doing without an ear? But if no one knows who you are, all you would get is hey, what happened to your ear? Were you in an ear-mangling accident? I tried growing my hair long on one side, but Lawndale Elementary paid for money out of its petty cash fund and I was given a real haircut. Since that moment, I knew that the Man would never let me rest.

And now, I have blossomed into womanhood. What will be the destiny of Jane Lane? Will I stand with my foot on the shores of Europe, with continents ablaze behind me? Or will I just sleep a lot, like Trent? I don't know, but it will be fun finding out.

Sequelitis

I've looked at Daria fandom for about seven years now, and one thing that I've definitely noticed is a surge in popularity of a particular form of storytelling, namely, the series. When looking at new Daria tales, it seems that every single one of them is a series of some sort. By "series" I mean a tale whose end point is deliberately left in doubt. Series can come to an end, but the reader doesn't know when the wrap-up point will come and to a degree, the reader can always depend on more.

I read an interesting article called Why Scifi Book Series Outstay Their Welcomes. Aside from fandom, the place where series have taken hold is the realm of science fiction and fantasy. Part of the reason is because the market is so competitive and the goal is to sell books, and it's much easier for an author to sell a Part II than it is a Part I.

The author of the article gives seven reason why science fiction series reach their failure point. I read the list and tried to compare what I read to Daria fandom.

1. The rules change. This is when the actual premise or plot structure changes, or the balance of suspension of disbelief changes. The example given was Philip Jose Farmer in Riverworld, as Farmer supposedly changed the plot mechanics of how Riverworld worked book by book so that he would have less difficulty contriving new stories. One could claim that Glenn Eichler did this sometime between the end of Season Two and Season Four, where the series changed from Daria Triumphant to Daria-Unsure-Of-Herself.

2. Cash flow. A series continues entirely for monetary reasons -- it brings in truckloads of money, and one has to bring out the installments to keep the money flowing. I suppose in Daria fandom, the "money" is the ego-boost the author receives. It's very hard to come up with an example here.

3. A trilogy becomes a messy tetralogy. The big example in SF is Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker's Guide series. I read the first three, but I noticed that as the series progressed the humor had less and less punch. I read the fourth one at the library, and it was almost unbearable. I didn't read the fifth one at all.

An analog in Daria fandom could be when a sequel is demanded of a story that the author ended. Several Daria fan fiction writers have unfortunately "sequeled" well ended stories; The Angst Guy is very good at giving stories natural ends and holding calls for sequels at arm's-length.

4. Too much meaning. This happens when the author explains "how the world works" over and over again. With more time to write and expound, the series delves into the metaphysical and epistemological and the series becomes a moral treatise on The Way Things Are In The World.

Some Daria fan fiction series do indeed become author soapboxes. I'm reminded of Daniel Suni's "How Deep it Goes", which becomes positively preachy.

5, The random left turn. This happens when the author pretty much loses the thread and the series becomes about Something Else Entirely. This supposedly happens in Isaac Asimov's followup to his Foundation Trilogy.

6. The miraculous save. An example of "The Miraculous Save" is when a character seems to develop "just-in-time" abilities or capabilities that fit in to whatever the author is writing about. Suzette Haden Elgin's Native Tongue is given as an example.

7. The shrinking protagonist. Either a) the rough edges of the protagonist are smoothed for public consumption (Harry Harrison, Stainless Steel Rat), or a new protagonist throws the original protagonist into the shadows. (Orson Scott Card, Ender's Shadow.)

Now I can certainly think of Daria series where this happens, but I don't want to make the claim unless I've read those series thoroughly -- I only have first impressions to go on and I'd rather not be rash. A lot of Daria series suffer the problems listed above.

However, the final four entries on the list really around about the specifics of creating books for a science fiction market. The final four entries are examples of bad writing, which can doom anything, series or standalone.

Take #4. The point is not to expound on moral matters too heavily, but to let the reader draw their own conclusions (and not contrive a phony set of false moral alternatives in which to place the protagonist -- trust me, nothing's cheaper than that).

What about #5? That's just bad plotting. As Mark Twain stated that a conversation in literature should stop when the characters have nothing more to say than the reader would be interested in and should stop at a natural stopping point, so should the narrative of a book.

As for #6 -- Sweet Jesu, the examples I could come up with when a character shows "omnicapability". There are a lot of Mary Sues floating around, "omnicapability" is the worst of their sins.

In #7, there's a big temptation to make bad people "nice guys". I'll admit I sort of did this with Sandi Griffin in the Legion of Lawndale Heroes stories, but face it, I've always liked Sandi Griffin and never thought she was really that bad. A writer must avoid the temptation, however, to turn a character into something that can't be justified with an appeal to the Almighty God Canon. Thomas Mikkelsen would claim, "well, you're just writing a different character, and the only thing your character has in common with the Daria character is the name."

No major points to make. Just some observations.

Private Dicks

Since this blog hasn't been updated in a long time, here's a bit of a story....

(* * *)

"So what do you see?"

Sandi looked through the binoculars. Quinn found it annoying that Sandi wouldn't share. Binocular hog!

"Okay...he's getting out of the car....he's with the woman....oh!...he's putting his arm on her shoulder...and...they have entered the hotel."

"That's it," said Quinn with some satisfaction. "We're done."

"Whew."

Sandi put down the binoculars and rested against the seat of the car. Quinn pulled out a small tape recorder.

"At 8:35 pm, Mr. Cedric Fleming entered the Palmer Hilton Hotel with the young woman identified earlier by photographic evidence. We are remaining here in hopes that we can see Mr. Fleming and his partner depart."

It was all that Quinn and Sandi needed. In State Law, evidence of opportunity of adultery was sufficient as evidence in a divorce proceeding. They didn't have to catch Mr. Fleming with his new friend's ankles around his ears. All that had to be proven was that Mr. Fleming was with a woman who was not his wife, and that both of them were in a place that allowed the opportunity. A hotel definitely counted.

Ms. Fleming could further testify that she was unaware of her husband's location -- supposedly, he was going out to dinner with business friends. Quinn knew that the very next day Mr. Fleming would be served his divorce proceedings, and Ms. Fleming would be asking for a handsome sum.

"We still don't know who his girlfriend is," said Sandi. "We know she's 'Becky', but I've just not been able to get that last name." Not that the two hadn't tried. Sandi had come very close to catching Ms. 'Becky' enter a car in an underground parking garage but couldn't get the license plate, and there had to be a thousand gray Honda Accords out there.

"It doesn't have to be perfect, you know."

"Yeah. But I like it to be perfect."

Quinn smiled. When the retainer came in, Sandi would be happy. She could blow her part of it on shopping for some new shoes.

Quinn, however, would be working at Dharma Surf, Inc. the next day as a lowly paid temp worker. Supposedly, someone was stealing Dharma Surf's designs and selling them to Kahuna Boards. It would be Quinn -- and Sandi's -- job to find out who. The shingle in front of "Griffin and Morgendorffer Investigations" didn't pay for itself, you know.

Retro Daria

With all of the pictures of “future Daria” posted on the Daria Fandom Blog II -- a fine site, highly recommended – I recall a conversation I had with my wife. The contention was that even though Daria was on hip and happening music video (at the time) network MTV, the show was as much of a relic of the 1980s and before as just about anything.

The world of Daria is high school . Not any modern high school, but apparently the high school that Glenn Eichler must have gone to…and from my understanding, assuming that Mr. Eichler became a National Lampoon editor of the ripe young age of 22 in 1983, then Eichler graduated from high school sometime before 1979. Daria comes a lot closer to representing the high school Glenn Eichler attended than the high schools of any of the Daria viewers.

The first example is Brittany Taylor. Brittany Taylor is the big boobed dumb blonde cheerleader. This is an archetype that’s been around for a while and it will take several generations of Nobel Prize winning cheerleaders to eliminate it. Brittany’s activities consist primarily of supporting her Kevvie and writing cheers.

The joke in “See Jane Run” is that Ms. Morris’s gym classes are little more than cheerleader classes in disguise. However, Daria and Jane aren’t required to do much more that wave pompoms. In another episode (I forget the name) we learn that Lawndale High School at least has a trampoline, which might have some useful purpose in a cheerleading practice session.

Brittany does some splits, but can’t even keep her balance. The most athletic thing that any of the Lawndale cheerleaders are doing is forming a three-level pyramid…but this activity takes place only in the imagination of Jane Lane. In short, the cheerleaders of the Daria world are little more than pompom-waving sex objects of limited intelligence.

Brittany wears a short skirt, which would provide some lower body mobility, but she’s encased in an upper body sweater more suitable for a cheerleader of the 1970s – close fitting sweater (the better to show off the goods!), short sleeves and not extending below the hemline of the skirt. The only concessions to modernity (1980s and early 1990s) are Brittany’s slouch socks and sneakers.

The problem with this portrayal is that it’s a dated portrayal of high school cheerleading. If Daria were going to be accurate, she’d probably wear a short-sleeved spandex “shell top” and she spend a lot less time writing cheers and a lot more time doing complicated tumbling and gymnastics routines. (The only hint of these we see are from “The Daria Hunter”.) Brittany would come to class with say, her ankles taped up or maybe with a bruise or two.

Eichler portrays cheerleading as an activity for young women to engage in to gain popularity. (Back in Eichler’s day, cheerleaders auditioned for their role by giving their cheers in front of the student body. We see an audition in front of a smaller crowd in “The F Word”.) But by 1997, cheerleading was a lot closer to a sport than it was to something like a Fashion Club. Brittany wouldn’t need to feel that she had to match up with Kevin Thompson. She’d be taking the Lawndale Cheer Dance Team on tour to the state finals, working with cheer coaches and spirit camps, performing complex dance routines. These routines are often dangerous, resulting in broken bones or worse. (Remember, no one is wearing a helmet or pads while doing any of this.)

Another example is Kevin Thompson, and by extension, the rest of Lawndale High sports. During the first three seasons of Daria, Kevin Thompson floats on by. We know that Brittany is the smart one of this intellectual challenged duo – a C-minus is grounds for celebration – so God knows what kind of grades Kevin Thompson makes.

The understanding is that the jocks at Lawndale High School don’t have to take exams. They are given the infamous “bye”. However, during “Mart of Darkness”, something changes. (Thanks to Scissors MacGillicutty for pointing this out.) It is made clear that Kevin will simply float through high school and not face any intellectual challenges.

This might have been true in Glenn Eichler’s day – teachers and administrators would have looked the other way and given their Kevin Thompsons an automatic diploma. It would be the college’s problem, and many colleges of Eichler’s day had formulaic approaches to the admissions process. College scholarships weren’t tied to rigorous academic standards.

This all started to change in the mid-1980s, after Eichler graduated high school. States began to institute high school exit exams. Colleges were more closely regulated by the NCAA and Division I school applicants were forced to have grade point averages above a certain minimum to get a sports scholarship. When it was learned that high schools were artificially changing grades for star athletes, the NCAA began to require minimal scores on the SATs.

Someone must have reminded Glenn Eichler – probably Rachelle Romberg, writer of “Mart of Darkness” – that academic standards existed. The plot thread will not be dropped, and now all of a sudden, Kevin’s father is asked by Mr. O’Neill to convince his son to study harder. (A plea that falls on deaf ears.) One can only wonder why Ms. Li supported the candidacy of George W. Bush and his “No Child Left Behind” program with its heavy emphasis on standardized testing.

(* * *)

My wife, Ruth, comments on the fact that the Fashion Club would not be considered fashionable by 1990s standards. The most popular haircut of the 1990s for women was the “Jennifer Aniston/Friends” haircut, a haircut which is never seen in Daria. Short hair was in in a big way in the 1990s, but oddly enough…it can be argued that all of the main female characters of Daria have long hair! One could argue that Jane Lane’s hair is not long, but she’s the only one. Jane Lane has weird artist helmet hair, not meant to represent any popular style. If Daria were true to fashion, Quinn would have a Meg Ryan do. At least Quinn’s pink baby-doll midriff-bearing T-shirt more accurately reflects the styles of the time.

Even slacker Trent Lane is more retro than grunge. Let’s look at his musical influences, and the periods when they were the most popular

Jane’s Addiction: The high point of the band was 1985-91.
Morrissey: 1988-1997
The Doors: the Morrison Doors were gone by 1972
Cocteau Twins: hung around till 1996 or 1997, but its real high point was the 1980s
Frank Zappa: died in 1993
Nine Inch Nails: when Daria hit the airwaves, NIN hadn’t released an album in three years.
Nirvana: Cobain died in 1994
Gregorian Chants: by the 16th century, it was falling out of use
thunder: thunder has never gone out of style
the Banana Splits: Fleegle sadly died of a heroin overdose in 1970

In short, the only way Trent Lane represents grunge is in his clothing. Musically, he’s a retro throwback. I can understand why it was so easy for him to do a commercial for Happy Herb; if Mystik Spiral hadn’t agreed, Herb would have had to search through The Carpenters old back catalog.

(* * *)

Unfortunately, I have not been able to think of a good ending paragraph for this essay. Is Glenn Eichler a big fat lazy retro jerk? No. I worship at the man’s Doc Martens. However, it’s clear that not only his conception of the 1990s, but the conception of the other writers and designers of high school life is a bit…tilted toward the 1980s and earlier.

Then again, every writer writes about the way things were back in the day. I’m sure that in the future we’ll get a vision of Daria that actually illustrates what high school life was really like back in the late 1990s…when new Daria episodes finally come on the air in the 2020s.

Cold War

Finished reading: "But in Her Heart a Cold December" by The Angst Guy

(* * *)

There is going to be a very brief summary of the story, in much less detail. The reason will be explained below.

The story begins at the end of "Fizz Ed" -- after Principal Angela Li has been hauled away to the hospital after her caffeine-induced mental breakdown. As Angela Li recovers, we learn some fascinating facts about Ms. Li's life through a process of inner monologue.

As it turns out, Ms. Li is actually about six or so years older than her documents claim to be. She was a young girl growing up in (South) Korea when the North Koreans invaded. Her family suffered greatly, and her wartime experiences instilled a hatred of communism. After the war, the dictatorial South Korean government extends a dragnet to imprison/kill/nullify any communist influence (or anti-government influence) in South Korea. A young Li, working as a bar assistant, hears some young university radicals talking up action against the government. One thing leads to another, and Li ends up working for the KCIA, the Korean Central Intelligence Agency.

Her job is not to cross the border into North Korea, but to take menial jobs in universities and other places. Eavesdropping, gathering trash, she points out possible communists to the KCIA...what happens to those people afterwards, she doesn't care. However, Ms. Li is unhappy as the KCIA widens its searches. She's interested in communists being punished, but not loudmouthed all-talk-no-action radicals, or anti-government curmudgeons.

Li emigrates to the United States. Hanging around universities has sparked an idea that she can be a teacher -- her first contact with the KCIA was an former teacher of hers. Fifteen years as a teacher, several after that as a principal...and we have the Ms. Li of today.

(* * *)

My first comment is that "show, don't tell" has a corollary: if you decide to tell, and not show, you'd better be damned good at it.

The Angst Guy takes up the burden of writing a story that is mostly first-person -- we are privy to Angela Li's thoughts, and hear her own story in her (TAG's) words. The Angela Li of this story is an excellent storyteller. The first person language is not merely a recounting of motives or wished, but illustrative: "The Americans were big and pink-faced and sharp-nosed and had loud voices."

Part of the problem that many fan fiction writers have with writing in first-person is that they dwell too much on the narrator's own thoughts. They forget that even in the first-person, you have to provide all the sort of background that you'd provide in third person -- setting the scene, establishing characterization and motivation, moving the plot along. An additional difficulty is that you have to make the narrator compelling, in effect the narrator has to become an interesting character in her own story. (I suggest you read the works of Mickey Spillane or Raymond Chandler to understand how this works in hard-boiled detective fiction, where use of the first-person narrator is common.)

The Angst Guy obviously has no problem in using this form. There is always the problem of the "unreliable narrator", that the narrator will be biased -- and Angela Li undoubtedly is biased. However, a good writer will make use of that bias to strengthen the story. The Angst Guy has no problem with the technique.

The other comment is that we get a sense of Angela Li's "foreignness". Li is not a Korean-American, she is Korean in The Angst Guy's tale. A lesser writer would have beat the reader over the head with the fact; The Angst Guy knows how to keep reminding you of the fact without it dominating the story. We learn of the Korean veneration of parents, about Korean food, etc. without it sounding like a reading from Wikipedia. My only thought was "I wonder how many first person stories TAG had to write to get it this right."

I only found one minor flaw, namely that The Angst Guy had to end the story with a little bit of angst. It seemed too coincidental -- remember that in melodrama, "coincidence drives the plot" and I thought the story was strong enough not to need coincidence. But then again, he's The Angst Guy, so maybe he felt the necessary need to throw some angst in to slake his unquenchable penguin lust.

In conclusion, I can definitely recommend this story. After slagging on stories over and over again, it's good to read one that is more of an illustrator than one that has to be made an example, in the bad sense of the term. I swear, however, I'll find a story of his to tear apart one day! He has to have one hidden out there on the internet. If I only look hard enough...!

Dear Diary

Finished Reading: Last Summer Series, "Something For You".

I've finally made it to the last part of the "Last Summer" series by Richard Lobinske. Oddly enough, this work of fan fiction was completed almost four years ago, but no one can say that I didn't finally get around to reading it.

(* * *)

The story starts with Daria, Jane, Jodie, and Mack finishing their last meaning of the "Lawndale High School Student Leaders Honor Society" -- an organization solely crafted for the purpose of giving Jodie Landon a break from work and errands. Everyone states their plans, with all of them heading off to college and Jane heading off only after the first semester.

Daria also concludes her time reading to Mrs. Blaine. We learn that Mrs. Blaine's "deafness" was caused by waiting for a hearing aid to be repaired; with it she can hear normally. Mrs. Blaine thanks Daria for their time together, and gives her a present -- a fountain pen given to Mrs. Blaine by her mother in 1929. Mrs. Blaine tells Daria that it seems fitting to pass the pen on to a writer.

Daria watches Jane photograph the "padded walls" room at the Morgendorffers. Helen plans on remodeling Daria's room while she's gone and undoubtedly, the padded walls and broken window bars will be removed. Jane can at least provide a visual memento. Daria plans on taking books and other items with her, but is trying to think about how she can have a more concrete memento of her room to take with her to Raft.

Helen and Daria chat as Daria turns in the final assignment of the summer. Quinn arrives with the Three Js and Jamie finally notices the painting of Daria on the wall...and notices Daria for the first time. As Daria and Helen chat about Jamie's odd behavior, Daria is interrupted with a call...Mrs. Blaine has had a stroke and has died.

Daria attends the Blaine funeral. Mrs. Blaine's son thanks Daria for visiting his mother -- Len Blaine lived in Oregon and Mrs. Blaine didn't want to leave Lawndale. A lawyer arrives at Lawndale to give Daria Mrs. Blaine's final bequest -- seventy so years of Mrs. Blaine's diary.

The summer, however, is running out. It's time for Daria to take her leave of Lawndale and head to Boston. Daria finally figures out a way to save a memento of her room...and makes good use of one of Mrs. Blaine's gifts to her....

(* * *)

At first, I thought there were too many extraneous scenes -- scenes which could have been cut out. However, the theme of the story is "wrapping things up" and we get to watch Daria wrap up things with people who have been important in her life.

Many the scenes in "Something for You" bring up the whole question of "fanon vs. canon". Fanon encompasses everything that fans believe to be true about the series; canon encompasses everything that can be verified with an appeal to the sixty five episodes, two movies and two books.

It's always been a part of 'fanon' than Jamie White, out of all of the Three Js, is the one who is most loyal and most devoted to Quinn. There's nothing in the series that states this is the case; all we have is Daria assigning Jamie to Quinn at the end of "Write Where it Hurts". I found Jamie's sudden noticing of Daria through Jane's painting a bit implausible, but that's more a matter of personal taste that it is me trying to build an argument against such a thing happening...even though if Jamie had seen the "Foxy Daria" at the end of "Quinn the Brain" he might have dropped Quinn a few years earlier. (Hmm...Jamie falling in love with Daria...now that would be an Iron Chef!)

Aside from the "fanon vs. canon" argument, I'm never happy with any scene where Daria cries. In my opinion, Daria holds her emotions in. I've always cast a jaundiced eye towards any scene where Daria lets the tears flow; to me it seems as if the writer doesn't know how to write a moving scene and uses Daria's tears as an emotional shorthand. "See, we know X affected Daria deeply...because she's crying!" ("...and crying is something that all females do!") But once again, my interpretation and the interpretations of others may very.

At the end of the story, we get a little too much information regarding what's going on in Jake's mind and Helen's. Once again, "show, don't tell". I'm never a fan of entering the mind of a character and writing out long prose paragraphs...it's an act of didacticism, of saying, "and now, this is what Jake believes, so listen up". All I could think of while reading Jake's thoughts about his daughter leaving was the real lack of closeness between Jake and his daughters. Jake has to realize that he's been an absent figure in his daughters' lives, and I think he'd be feeling a lot more regret than is let on by the author.

The question is also begged: "if Mrs. Blaine can hear just fine, and can write well enough to keep a diary, then why does she need someone to read to her?" It would probably have been better just to have Daria and Mrs. Blaine chat, although I can believe that Daria would make use of Mrs. Blaine as an editor for her stories.

(* * *)

I'll wrap up "The Last Summer" by noting that I liked the use of one of the plot components at the very end of the story. I probably won't be reading "Falling Into College" -- it doesn't seem to be my type of story; nothing wrong with that. I hope, however, that Mr. Lobinske made use of the Blaine diaries at some point in his future work.

I also hope that he addressed that whole Jamie thing. And hey, if Daria's not hanging around Lawndale High anymore, well, there's always Stacy Rowe....

Storytelling Engine: Tom Sloane

The final part of the Daria storytelling series concerns Tom Sloane. Tom, of course, was not an original character, only showing up at the end of Season Three, but becoming a major figure in the lives of Jane and Daria over the last two seasons.

Tom Sloane is an example of what happens when a) you don't give a character distinct characteristics that differentiate him or her from everyone else, and b) you begin to tinker with the storytelling engine. If you throw too many wrenches in the engine, it doesn't work as well.

At some point in the series, Glenn Eichler and the other Daria writers decided to give Daria a romance. The decision was deliberately made to make him Jane's boyfriend first, according to Eichler, as no guy would ever ask Daria out and Daria could get to know Tom as he was at least in Jane's proximity and she could get used to him

The first problem with Tom was that he was never well-differentiated from Daria or Jane. Tom's main attributes were:

1. intelligence, and
2. coolness, in the sense of being composed and self-controlled.

Daria was intelligent. Jane was cool. Tom ended up borrowing traits from the protagonists, and he never had any other attributes. Eichler decided that he would attempt to make "rich" as a character attribute in an attempt to inject discussions about social class into Daria...but he never did anything with it. Aside from a few episodes, Tom's wealth is never discussed in a serious or substantial way. It's mentioned only in passing as a plot impediment or as a source of incomprehensible jealousy by Daria.

Worse, Tom's coolness simply reminded fans of the "one true pairing" of Daria/Trent. If Tom's a cool guy...well, so was Trent, and why couldn't Daria and Trent be together forever? Tom was a thumb in the eye of the Daria/Trent relationshippers, simply reminding them what they had missed.

When "Dye! Dye! My Darling!" came out and everything went to hell, we saw Tom and Daria make foolish decisions. For Daria, it was rather uncharacteristic, but she was forgiven as the show's protagonist. Not so for Tom, and a real jones for hating Tom among Daria fans blossomed fully. How could you really like a character who had done that to Jane?

In order to make Daria/Tom/Jane happen, core traits of Daria and Jane had to be ignored. Daria uncharacteristically dropped her guard. It can be explained as a part of Daria's raging hormones, but Daria never had any raging hormones before, so why start now? As for Jane's semi-cool, that was thrown completely out the window, as Jane became more like the Glenn Close character in "Fatal Attraction". Jane acted more and more irrationally, and what's worse, all of her suspicions about Daria and Tom were finally confirmed.

But in order to have a continuing series, this mess had to be repaired. Jane inexplicably forgives Daria for her betrayal. Eichler points out that there have been cases in real life where such betrayals have been forgiven -- George Harrison forgave Eric Clapton for stealing Harrison's wife -- but when you're talking about the world of pampered rock and roll stars to use as an example, you're making a real reach.

The end of Season Four was a real stretch for the fans. Somehow, all of these contradictory actions had to be reconciled. We had to believe that Jane and Daria moved on as if nothing had happened, and that Tom and Daria were a real couple.

Eichler stated that he made Tom wise, in order for him to be good for Daria. However, it seems that Eichler made Tom wise by making Daria stupid. In "Sappy Anniversary", Daria believes that Tom is taking her for granted on the flimsiest of evidence. In "The Story of D", Daria mopes over her story and Tom enters his "wise lecturer mode" while Daria, in her own words (almost), acts like a jerk. In "My Night at Daria's", Daria leaves Tom a note saying that they should break up because of her actions in standing Tom up without notice. (Whatever happened to the forthright Daria of Season One? She might have been kidnapped and shoved in a closet.)

Most likely by the end of Season Five, Tom had lost whatever fans he had. "Perfectly wise Tom" was beginning to become a bore.

By the time Daria finally breaks up with Tom in "Is It College Yet?" it's almost an anticlimax. Daria fandom simply shrugs its shoulders and says, "What took you so long? We were already bored with him!" If Tom had been given some other defining character trait, he might have been differentiated from being a somewhat more confident version of Daria, with Jane's coolness. Unfortunately, Tom couldn't be saved. Too much tinkering with the storytelling engine had to be made to get Daria and Tom together, and when they finally got there, there wasn't enough compelling about Tom to maintain anyone's interest.

(* * *)

Are there any lessons to be learned about the Daria/Jane/Tom triangle? There might be a few:

1) Be very careful of "One True Pairings". Eichler should have been aware that most Daria fans saw Daria and Trent as the One True Pairing. Even though he stated in an interview that Daria and Trent had almost nothing in common, he should have disillusioned Daria more thoroughly.

2) Don't break your universe to get a romance started. Jane and Daria had to act in uncharacteristic ways, and the results of the fallout led to an unsatisfactory resolution.

3) Don't make protagonists too stupid to make other characters smart. Intelligence is not a zero-sum game.

4) If the series would be just as fine without the major tinkering, don't tinker.. Or "If Tom disappeared completely from Daria, would he have been missed?" (There's an Iron Chef in there somewhere.) I feel the answer would have been "no". There were a lot of great episodes in those first three seasons, not so many in the last two. Eichler was already looking for new ideas for stories at the end of three seasons; he would have probably been better served with MTV not forcing him to use a free lance writing staff rather than for Eichler to conclude he had to start a romance that didn't work.

In my opinion, the storytelling engine had not run dry at the end of Season Three. But of course, we'll never know.

Storytelling Engine: Trent Lane

Trent Lane is a peripheral character who has two purposes: to provide a surrogate parent for his younger sister Jane Lane, and to be Daria Morgendorffer's crush. (I'll write more on the "crush" aspect later.) The "crush" aspect makes him a central figure in Daria's life. Any person that the protagonist of a story thinks is particularly important should not be overlooked.

Trent gets three character traits when other background characters would get fewer. Why Trent is such a special character will be explained below:

1. Cool. Face it...Trent is not only cool, he might be the coolest character on the show. He exemplifies "rock and roll cool", and in his case, grunge cool. Despite the fact that grunge was on its way out the door in 1997 (how could the writers of Daria know that?), Trent's coolness is not anchored in any social movement.

It's very hard to explain what "cool" is. The word "cool" is much like the mathematical term "random" -- the more you attempt to define what it is, the more you lose the essence. "Cool" might be something like Robert Pirsig's definition of "quality" in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainence. Cool is at the very edge of definition.

Trent has it all. He gets to be the lead singer in a rock and roll band. He dresses in his own aesthetic. He sleeps late if he wants to, and he has neither parents nor bosses nor principals looking down on him. Trent is free of authority, Daria's version of Huckleberry Finn. (*)

Furthermore, Trent has the core attribute of composure and self-control. Trent is never heard raising his voice or acting like a jerk. When he has to confront authority -- say, when he met Mr. O'Neill in "Lucky Strike" -- he remains calm and composed. Heck, even in "This Year's Model", he walked right into Ms. Li's undoubtedly-patrolled-by-guard-cobras auditorium and no authority figure lifted a finger to stop him.

One of the advantages of being cool is that if you're close to a cool person, it makes you a cool person as well -- cool people only hang out with other cool people. Trent's coolness filters down to Jane (who is hella cool herself) and even to Daria by extension. The fact that Trent finds Daria interesting merely confirms the fact that Daria must be very cool herself.

2. Sensitive. Trent is very sensitive to the needs of those around him. He knows how to deal with the problems of his younger sister, Jane, as we've seen when the Jane/Daria/Tom triangle reached its breaking point, and he was able to make the point of Daria's "betrayal" to Daria without being overtly obnoxious or angry.

The fact that Trent is sensitive (**) allows Daria to talk to him (when she gets the nerve) without feeling threatened. At the end of "Jane's Addition", Daria and Trent were able to have a real conversation about what happened with the music project, with subtext regarding the state of the Trent/Daria relationship. Daria might have had a problem confronting any other person, as was seen with the way she handled Tom's forgetting their "six-month-anniversary" in "Sappy Anniversary". Daria's pattern is to hold her resentments, her true feelings, to hold everything in until it explodes.

During her conversation with Trent, however, Daria is at last able to convey her anger and disappointment. There might have been no other person with who this would have been possible, except probably the most sensitive character on the show.

3. Lazy. At first, Trent's sloth made for an easy punchline. "Look, there's Trent sleeping in again!" "Look, there's Trent taking a lackadaiscal attitude toward practicing with his band!" It made for a few chuckles.

At the end of "Jane's Addition", however, Glenn Eichler found a way to use this minor character trait and turn it into a major attribute. Trent had promised Daria and Jane that he would write music for them on a multimedia project. Just two episodes earlier, in "The Lawndale File", Trent gets it together to write a jingle for a commerical for a used car lot. However, when he own sister and her best friend (and a girl he undoubtedly likes) need him...he drops the ball.

This event finally makes it clear to Daria that a Daria/Trent relationship will not work out. Trent is cool, and he's sensitive, but sometimes...he doesn't come through. You can't depend on him in the clutch, and Daria knows that if something serious happened between them, she'd have to raise Trent along with her own children.

Trent's sloth is sometimes a real problem. In "Art Burn", Trent simply can't manage the workers that build the gazebo, and Jane finally has to threaten them to either start working or get out. (Trent's punishment: he'll have to help build it.) The worst incident -- even worse than "Jane's Addition" -- comes at the end of the series in "Is It College Yet?" Jane, having been rejected by two schools, does not know if she wants to go to college. Trent, rather than encouraging her, supports her decision for his own selfish reasons. When Jane begins to get her head together and tries to apply again, Trent implies that she's "selling out" and refuses to drive her to the post office to send out her application.

At the end of the episode, we come to learn that for Trent, "sensitive" trumps "lazy". Without being prompted, he reveals the real reason he was dragging his feet about Jane's attempt to go to college -- he knew he would miss Jane and hoped in the back of his mind that she'd remain with him in the house. But Trent, to his credit, realizes that it's more important for Jane to grow as a person than to have things remain convenient for himself.

(* * *)

Did Daria learn anything from her relationship with Trent? I really wonder if she did. We know she likes cool, self-assured guys, but what girl doesn't? It seems more the case that only cool, self-assured guys could put up with Daria at her most sarcastic and stand-offish.

This leads to a brief examination of the three relationships she had during the show. Ted, Trent, and Tom. For Ted, his protected upbringing leads him to be fascinated with whatever crosses his path, and Daria was just one of his many fascinations. Daria saw that from the very beginning. This was a man who was amazed and astounded by gum, and had never heard The Beatles.

Trent Lane was out of her age range. It would have been illegal for Trent to start a physically intimate relationship with her. Furthermore, his slothfulness and his lack of a job or any ambition were matters of public record.

Tom Sloane was definitely hands off -- she was Jane's boyfriend. Rather than waiting for Jane and Tom to break up, Daria swooped in and grabbed Tom before Jane could drop him. Then, when Tom put time and effort into the relationship Daria dragged her feet the whole way. Daria drops Tom in the end, claiming that the relationship had gotten stale.

Daria seems to seek out these "unattainable" guys, guys who for one good reason or another you shouldn't start a relationship with. It's as if she deliberately sabotages her romances. Whether this says more about Daria's psychology -- or her sexuality -- is an exercise for the reader.


(*) - For example, Trent has strong opinions about Huckleberry Hound, undoubtedly named after Huck Finn.
(**) - Mr. O'Neill is not really sensitive. "Fragile" would be a better word.

Busy Times

...at work. It might be until Friday when I get the first of the final two storytelling essays in.

Schedule:

1. Examine either Trent Lane or Tom Sloane's role in the Daria storytelling engine.
2. Examine the other guy's role, the one what I haven't talked about.
3. Comment on the final tale from R. Lobinske's "Last Summer" series.
4. Do something else.

Storytelling: Stacy and Upchuck

There are two more minor background characters that have to be examined before we can look at Daria’s two great loves, Trent Lane and Tom Sloane. One is probably the most favorite member of the Fashion Club, and she’s probably the favorite character of many Daria fans. The other is probably nobody’s favorite character.

Stacy Rowe is the fourth member of the Fashion Club. Unlike Sandi and Tiffany, who are sort of inferior versions of Quinn, Stacy has a character trait which is almost in opposition to the very purpose of a popular girls’ club: massive insecurity. Whereas the other four girls are fairly confident that they are the most loved, most admired, etc. etc. Stacy is a bundle of neuroses, one step away from a nervous breakdown.

Stacy’s original goal was to provide comedic chaos. In “Road Worrier” she gleefully draws a triangle with her fingers to indicate a nearby outlet mall (triangle=coat hanger=outlet mall), but when visiting a diner Stacy is driven into hyperventilation because Tiffany makes a dismissive remark about stretch pants…and Stacy is wearing stretch pants. Sandi’s quick redefinition of stretch pants into “leggings” saves the day, but we get the impression that poor Stacy is one French fry away from being dragged away in a jacket with very long sleeves.

Even Quinn, who can get along with almost anyone, stays at Stacy’s house only as a manner of last resort in “Fair Enough”. The fact that Stacy wants to dress like Quinn and even change her hair color to please Quinn rightly creeps Quinn out. Daria and Jane are subjected to one of Stacy’s crying jags while trapped at the top of a Ferris wheel in “Fair Enough”.

Stacy became quite popular with Daria fans. Some internet writer stated that insecure characters always become popular, because the audience can see the character’s good qualities before the character can. Another reason is the natural sympathy people feel for the helpless. (I personally suspect that Stacy played to the insecurities among male Daria fans. What shy guy wouldn’t want a girl who was so loyal that she’d change herself to please him?)

Regardless of the reasons for Stacy’s popularity, I suspect the writers adjusted their portrayals of Stacy to be more sympathetic. (Perhaps this adjustment was brought on by the awareness that the fans liked Stacy.) “Fat Like Me” was the beginning of a sea change for Stacy. Circumstances remove both Quinn and Sandi as leaders of the Fashion Club, and Tiffany ascends to the Presidency with Stacy as her Vice-President. Unfortunately, vapid Tiffany isn’t much of a leader and Stacy’s frustrations get the best of her and she lets Tiffany have it in a rant.

” I tried my best, and even if it wasn't as good as Sandi's or Quinn's, a chain is only as strong as its weakest round thingy, and you refused to lift one freakin' finger! I'm through running the Fashion Club all by myself while you (imitates Tiffany) stare... in the mirror... and talk... about yourself... (normal voice) and I, I, I quit”!

Stacy also gets a more perceptive portrayal. In “Art Burn”, she quietly steals the Fashion Club caricature that has her portrayed as the most attractive member. In “Life in the Past Lane”, she is even Upchuck’s attractive magician’s assistant, and even goes as far to gently chide Sandi for being “naïve” in response to a similar remark Sandi made to her earlier in the episode.

One might argue that next to Daria herself, the character that has made the most drastic change during the five seasons of Daria is Stacy Rowe. It’s simply a television rule – if a character with annoying traits becomes a fan favorite, those traits have to be either amplified (if they make the character popular) or changed (if they prove an impediment to the character’s popularity). Stacy’s case is clearly the latter.

The final less seen character I want to write about is Charles Ruttheimer the Third, better known as “Upchuck”. He’s called “Upchuck” not because of his appearance (more on that later), but because it’s what females want to do when they see him.

Upchuck is the definition of teen lust. To cement the point, Upchuck is the least attractive of the background characters (because lechery is never attractive), with curly red hair, freckles, a large nose and a rictus grin.

He is written as the prototypical nerd. His intelligence matches Daria’s, but his role as Rico Suave gives no impression of real respect for his achievements – how could someone so smart be so stupid? His attempts to secure a woman – ANY woman – lead at times to wildly different portrayals. At times, he’s portrayed as merely annoying (“The Invitation”, “Fair Enough”) or actively creepy (“The Lab Brat” where he blackmails Brittany with long range photos; “Is It College Yet?” where he’s more than happy to chauffeur a drunk Lindy) depending on what the plot needs at the time. Is Upchuck a figure of menace among the females of LHS, or is he such a complete loser, or both, or neither? (See “I Loathe a Parade” where “Don Guano” is beaten to a pulp by two policewomen.)

The portrayals can even swing from one extreme to another in the same episode. Upchuck goes from potential bad guy to lonely guy looking for love in “Is It College Yet?” He puts his smooth moves on Andrea, who is surprised that Upchuck is even trying with her…and then accepts. Upchuck is taken aback…for a second…then shifts back into “Upchuck mode”, almost reflexively.

Upchuck is written as the kind of character you really don’t want to know more about. His inconsistent portrayal makes it impossible to build sympathy for him. Let’s hope that now that the series is over, Upchuck has dropped the act and found love and acceptance with someone…far away from Lawndale.

Storytelling: Jodie Landon and Mack Mackenzie

Aside from Tom Sloane and Trent Lane – and we will get to those two characters at the conclusion – the rest of the characters in the Daria universe serve only as background characters, to act as scenery holders while the main characters take the stage. They are not meant to act as foils or to move the plot forward.

Why have background characters at all? Generally, because the writers wish to make a comment about some character trait and the background character serves that purpose. Want to make a comment about greed? Create a character whose only trait is that he’s greedy. Background characters are like the paints on an artist’s palette: they provide color to the canvas and illustrate what needs to be shown.

Two of the better examples of this are Jodie Landon and Michael Jordan “Mack” Mackenzie. Landon and Mackenzie are African-American, but neither are used to spark any serious discussion of race in America – that’s not their role. The only time the race of Jodie or Mack come into play is when both complain about the lack of diversity at Lawndale High School. The two are paired off, blunting any chance of an interracial relationship ever being examined in Daria.

First, take a look at Jodie. Jodie is intelligent, and at least at Daria’s level of brainpower. (In “Prize Fighters” it is revealed that only Jodie and Upchuck challenge Daria in intelligence.) This allows Jodie to be used as a “bridging character”. Jodie can help develop how Daria feels about plot points by simple conversations, as Daria wouldn’t feel that Jodie was beneath her – Daria isn’t going to share how she feels with Sandi or Stacy, and it keeps Daria from having to talk to Jane in every scene.

Jodie’s primary character attribute is not intelligence. It’s acceptance of authority, which automatically throws Jodie into contrast with Daria. Whereas Daria doesn’t want any part of the school or its bevy of activities, Jodie has thrown herself into the mix with full force. Jodie is in student government, belongs to other clubs, and her attitude towards school is positive and cheerful for the most part. Jodie is always trying to get Daria to take part and join up with the new Civil Service that Ms. Li and other high school principals across the land are trying to form; Daria tones her sarcasm back to minimal levels and tells Jodie, “no”. Jodie simply dusts herself off and tries again in the next episode.

So what does Daria (the character) and Daria (the show) have to say about school and authority? Daria herself might change – in Seasons Four and Five Daria seemed a lot less sure of herself – but the show’s message regarding authority is always the same.

The best example of this is not “Arts ‘N’ Crass”, but “Fizz Ed”, where Jodie and Daria clash over the fact that Ultra Cola has bought out the school. Jodie concludes that despite Daria’s protestations, Daria couldn’t be bothered that much – because she doesn’t do anything. For once, Daria decides to actually tread the halls of authority and talk to the Superintendent of schools.

The Superintendent immediately jumps to the conclusion that Daria’s protest is some attempt to add to her poor record of extracurricular activities. Daria has real concerns, but the Superintendent is dismissive of them. (It’s as if he’s not even listening.) The Superintendent shows up just as Ms. Li is at her craziest, but his arrival appears more happenstance than anything else. Daria’s lone attempt to give a little and meet authority on its own terms was not promising.

In the Daria universe, Jodie is an example of what happens when you give in too much to authority – you become an unpaid servant. Jodie’s entire life is rushing here and there, every hour scheduled to the last minute. Jodie’s parents also put her to work, doing this extracurricular and that so that she can add it to her resume. Jodie moans under the pressure, but her parents don’t appear to care. The poor girl’s life has probably been scheduled down to retirement. Death will probably come as a relief for Jodie, unless they make you do paperwork in heaven, too.

Daria doesn’t have the respect that Jodie seems to have earned. But she has freedom, which is more important than institutional respect. It is part of the “be yourself” lesson of Daria, to make friendship and freedom of the mind the most important priorities of life.

We come to Mack Mackenzie. The joke is that in all of Daria fandom, Mack Mackenzie is the perfect male, more perfect than even Trent Lane. He’s the only male character with whom Daria has regular contact that is not portrayed as some sort of flawed example of a Y chromosome.

Mack’s primary attribute appears to be loyalty. The two most important people in Mack’s life – from what we see – are Kevin Thompson and Jodie Landon. In Kevin’s case, Kevin’s stupidity exasperates Mack to no end. In “The ‘F’ Word”, Mack takes on the impossible task of teaching Kevin the three branches of American government. (He chooses this task because he knows that Kevin is a dunce – the point of the assignment is to choose something that can’t be done.) Kevin frequently calls Mack “Mack Daddy” even though Mack tells him (to no avail) that he can’t stand being called that.

Does Mack drop Kevin? Does he beat the living tar out of him at any time? Not at all. Even when Kevin drops the ball (literally, it seems) in Mr. O’Neill’s failure assignment and gets kicked off the LHS football team, Mack is there to pick up the slack. He works with the coach and with the other players, and soon, Kevin is back on the team…thanking Mack by calling him “Mack Daddy”.

Why would Mack do this at all? Probably because Kevin is Mack’s friend, and Mack is loyal to his friends. He accepts Kevin, warts and all, when others would not. (Daria should have learned some loyalty lessons from Mack in that whole triangle thing.)

Mack patiently accepts the fact that his girlfriend, Jodie, is rarely available. She’s either working for the school or working on some extracurricular for her parents, shedding papers for lying and cheating congressmen. There are several attractive girls at Lawndale High School (even the “ugly” ones like Daria are only Hollywood ugly) who would/should be glad to have someone like Mack. But Mack sticks with Jodie, tried and true. (*) In the final episode of the series, Mack actually speaks with Andrew Landon about the fact that Jodie would rather go to Turner (a historical Black University and her father’s alma mater) than to the elite Crestmore. This sets off a chain that results in Jodie finally getting her wish, being allowed to go to Turner where she won’t be expected to be the perfect representative of African-Americana.

(* * *)

In the end, however, neither Jodie nor Mack get an episode centered around them. (Even Sandi got her own episode, “Fat Like Me”.) They’re consigned to making guest appearances in Daria’s personal universe. Next time I’ll talk about the final two minor characters – Stacy and Upchuck – before we examine Daria’s love life. (Sorry, no nudity.)




(*) – This might be a problem for Mack. I can’t imagine Mack ever breaking off a romantic relationship, even when it’s not working for him. Loyalty has its moments, but shouldn’t be treated as an absolute.

Storytelling Engine: Quinn Morgendorffer (and Sandi Griffin)

Because the cast of Daria is so large, characters only get one or two character traits. The defintion of a complex character is one with more than two traits, and if that is the case, my argument is that Quinn Morgendorffer serves as a character just as complex as Daria or Jane.

The real question among fans has been if there's any character who can command the same amount of attention as Daria or Jane: "who is this show about?" Some have claimed that Helen serves as a character who is just as rich as Daria and her best friend, but I find that hard to believe. Helen's purpose is to be unreasonable and to make Daria do things she doesn't like -- she's a plot contrivance, from where we get the tired Daria fandom trope, "Helen is a vicious bitch". Near the end of the series, she gives good advice to Daria and tries to help her, but Helen's role is primarily comic relief -- for jokes about Jake and Helen's passionate love life and for being a workaholic.

Quinn, however, gets more screen time. As Daria's sister, she's not only an important part of Daria's life but an important part of the social scene at LHS. Quinn's character traits force direct opposition with Daria's values and make for an interesting clash of personalities.

1. Attractive. If you had to pick one word to describe Quinn, it would probably be "good looking", with all the baggage that looks carry both good and bad. Oddly enough, Daria and Jane are not characterized as good looking. Daria and Jane might be "Hollywood ugly" -- attractive girls whose beauty is downplayed to cast them in an unattractive way. (In "Too Cute", both Dr. Shar and one of her customers make disparaging remarks about Daria's appearance. In "I Don't", all a seamstress can do with Daria's figure is make an ill-fitting bridesmaid's dress. Daria shows us that she's really pretty in "Quinn The Brain", but no one ever points out that Daria or Jane is a beauty.)

Quinn on the other hand, is the uber-beauty. She's cute, and therefore held in high esteem by the kids at Lawndale High School. Every guy wants to be with Quinn, and Quinn is paid the kind of attention that Daria can never earn through all of her hard work. Someone famous said that a pretty girl's attractiveness excuses everything, and Quinn works as hard at being good looking. (In "Ill", we see that Quinn carries in her purse a bevy of appearance accessories, all testaments to Quinn's hard work.)

Daria resents Quinn's good looks. Since Daria is a natural cynic, and most likely rejects the value society places in beauty, Daria makes the decision not to be beautiful. It's a perverse act of egoism on Daria's part, one pointed out quite rightly by Jane in "Through a Lens Darkly" when Daria rejects contact lenses. Daria does not want to be the "attractive girl" that Quinn is.

2. Manipulative. Quinn is a manipulator. Whereas Daria rejects the system, and where Jane blows off the system, Quinn plays the system for what its worth. Not only that, she plays the other people around her for what they're worth.

Jake is always there to pay the bills for Quinn's shopping sprees, which run into the hundreds of dollars. Quinn is quite happy to have the boys at Lawndale at her beck and call. The Three Js fight over her, but note that Quinn never throws in her lot with any of the Js. Jeffy only manages to win a family dinner date with Quinn in "One J at a Time" through a sheer endurance contest as Quinn pushes all of the Js to their limits so that they can prove which one is more deserving of her.

One could claim that Quinn merely has a grand sense of entitlement, but Quinn is actively working the system. She even tries to play David Sorenson in "Is It Fall Yet?" until David makes it clear that he'll have none of it. She can talk people into buying phone cards, she manages to get herself elected "Keg Queen" of a college that she's only visited for a few hours -- is there anything this girl can't do?

Daria is, of course, manipulative, but only to the extent that it gets the system off her back or gives her some valuable breathing time. The impression is that Daria is essentially honest with people. I can just hear Quinn saying, "Gahd? What's that all about?"

3. Friendly. Despite all of Quinn's popularity and her good looks, we never see her become a "mean girl" like Sandi. (More on that later.) Quinn never goes out of her way to put people down, she doesn't say even the accidentally cruel things that a Brittany might say.

A real argument could be made that Quinn doesn't possess this trait at all. It's a trait that has to be inferred by what we see in the episodes. If Quinn were openly hostile to others or ignored them, people wouldn't want to be around her. Quinn however, has no enemies (save for perhaps Sandi at times, and more about Sandi later). No one ever says, "Gee, Quinn sure is friendly!" but I think it goes without saying.

Quinn always manages to put up with the failings of her Fashion Club friends. She never strikes out at Sandi despite Sandi's multiple attempts to remove her from the Fashion Club. When Stacy becomes a bit creepy in "Gifted", Quinn makes excuses and runs off rather than saying something unpleasant.

Quinn's nastiness -- such as it is -- is limited to her sister Daria (who does so much to cramp her style) and to kids at school who make fashion faux pas. This is a trait where Daria could learn some lessons from Quinn.

4. Shallow. By shallow, we mean "concerned only with what is obvious". Quinn has intellect, but unlike Daria, Quinn's intellect goes unused.

In "Quinn The Brain", Quinn gets some attention from an impassioned essay she writes. In "Fair Enough", Quinn is at least smart enough to memorize lines and we know that Quinn's PSATs make her the most intelligent member of the Fashion Club. Quinn's brainpower, however, goes unused. It gets its workout in popularity, gossip, Val magazine, boy bands and FashionVision.

Quinn appears to have no interest in history, literature, or anything beyond what makes her personally comfortable. She's the kind of person who would question whether history was even relevant to her life. Quinn is quite happy to be worshipped and to have others pay attention to her. She has the potential to be as smart as Daria...but we'll never know. Quinn's brain has atrophied, and Quinn has allowed it to happen.

To Daria, this is the ultimate sin. Daria has no interest in stupid people, much less deliberately stupid people like her sister. Being shallow actually has its advantage: a shallow pool is not deep. It is safe for swimming. Quinn is living "safe", coasting on her popularity and her good looks. Daria has chosen a more difficult path, and can only have contempt for the choices that Quinn has made.

(* * *)

Quinn's personality traits make her a great foil for Daria. In a lot of ways, she's the anti-Daria. Quinn's friendliness also makes her an anti-Daria, as Daria rarely says an encouraging word or seeks the friendship of others. Quinn's words might be sickeningly sweet, but they're not sarcastic or hurtful. This is why people pay homage to Queen Quinn, and why Daria eats her lunch at the Loner's Table.

A few words need to be said about Sandi Griffin, Quinn's obstensible best friend and leader of the Fashion Club. Sandi, however, lacks the complexity of Jane Lane. Like the other members of the Fashion Club, she simply mirrors Quinn's characteristics in an inferior manner.

If one word can describe Sandi, that word would be "bitchy". Bitchy as in being a female who happens to be unpleasant, difficult, and spiteful. (Yes, it's a sexist term but the one word captures so many sub-attributes that there isn't another word that captures its power.)

Sandi sometimes attempts to engineer Quinn's dismissal from the Fashion Club on the most flimsy of pretexts. In general, she's portrayed as a horrible person, prone to jealousy from any positive attention paid to Quinn. (Another argument that Quinn must be friendly, or she would have dropped Sandi in Season One.)

On the other hand, it's this "bitchiness" that makes Sandi such a fascinating character, and one of my favorites. As Rebecca West said, "People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." Sandi is a "bitch" in the feminist sense: she's forthright, strong, and speaks her mind even when she's foolish and wrong, and she often is. She's not a doormat at all. Sandi would rather put it this way: "I might be a bitch, but at least I'm top dog", and I'm sure Sandi would have harsh words for Daria's wishy-washy behavior in Season Five. Vive la bitch!

Delay

Busy time at work, so the next writeup...which will probably be about Quinn...will come sometime either this evening or Saturday.

Storytelling: Three Kinds of Stupid

Except for a few other characters, most of the Daria cast can be summed up by one or two personality traits. Like it or not, you can't have sixteen main characters in a television show. (Only fanfiction can do that.)

Some of the very minor characters get exactly one character trait. That's it. Take the Three Js, who are characterized by "obsessed with Quinn and would do anything to please her". That's it. There is no other detail regarding the inner lives of the Js; the purpose of the Js in any Daria episode is to remind the audience that there are guys who really like Quinn. And to provide a few laughs while the audience watches them fight each other.

Jamie's sole purpose is to satisfy the "Rule of Three" in comedy, namely, "item, item, funny item". The joke is that Quinn (and maybe no one else, either) can remember Jamie's name and we get multiple variations on it. (When Jamie is actually identified properly, he is astounded.) The comedy writers were merciful beings however, and in exchange for this omnipresent humiliation Jamie was given a last name, "White", which the other two Js have not been able to earn.

There are three characters in Daria whose primary roles are to be idiotic foils. The best way to illustrate Daria's intelligence is to surround her with obviously stupid people. (See: Beavis, Butthead, and.) An even better way to support the storytelling engine is to give these three students positions of power in the Lawndale High School hierarchy, ensuring that Daria has no hope of avoiding any of them.

The first character is actually a minor character, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, one of the members of the Fashion Club. The Fashion Club are four girls who illustrate the perils of popularity; one of the main characters, Quinn, is included in their number. Not only is Tiffany Blum-Deckler the least interesting of our three dumb foils, she's also the least interesting member of the Fashion Club.

Tiffany's stupidity is the stupidity, of say, a potted plant. She's realllllly dumb, yet because she's good-looking and with the popular clique, she is carried along effortlessly on a floating cloud of popularity. She doesn't say anything that's very funny, and contributes almost nothing to any plot. Tiffany is just there, like Andrea, as background filler.

There's an insipid quality to Tiffany, one of the dullest characters on the show. Stupidity is not always pleasant, and the proof is Tiffany. Like Stacy, you'd probably want to put your head in a noose if you were stuck in an elevator with her. She gets a couple of quirks to flesh her out. One being...the wayyyy...she drawwwss...out....anyyyy...sentennnnce. The other being her perpetual inquiry as to whether or not she looks fat.

She's inevitably seen appling mascara to keep that perfect look perfect, suggesting that Tiffany is not so much weight-obsessed as narcissistic, which strips away any sympathy for her. Another characteristic that limits any sympathy for Tiffany is the fact that she's two-faced, willing to tell Sandi and Quinn whatever they need to hear about the other. Tiffany's only concern seems to be Tiffany, which makes her a rather unsympathetic character. Thankfully, we don't get to see much of her.

We then come to Brittany Taylor. Unlike Tiffany, Brittany was seen as important enough to supply with an entire family. (You know a character is catching on when the writers begin adding background.) Brittany is the head cheerleader and lives in a world almost opposite to that of Daria. Since Brittany and Daria are in the same classes, there is lots of room to have them spend time with each other, and the resulting clash in values should provide some humor.

Brittany (like Kevin, the third character in our triumvirate) provides Mr. DeMartino no end of trouble, and proves a comic foil to any teacher: Brittany is the ultimate "dumb blonde" with a big rack, twirling her hair in her fingers and trying to figure out to which century the Vietnam War belongs.

Brittany, however, provides a "useful" function at the sports-obsessed Lawndale High School, and Daria doesn't. In a society where sports is valued over smarts, Brittany rises to the top, ready to cheer on Kevin Thompson, quarterback of the Lawndale Lions and (naturally) Brittany's boyfriend.

Unlike Tiffany, however, Brittany is not nearly as annoying. Brittany is actually friendly to Daria, and when she says something horrible to Daria -- like, say, inviting her to her party because Daria isn't good-looking enough to make anyone jealous -- she doesn't mean to hurt anyone; she's just dumb. She's the stupid girl that everyone likes, because she has a good heart. Daria puts Brittany down -- and of course, Brittany doesn't get it -- but one doesn't sense hostility as much as exasperation, as in "how could someone this dumb rise to the top?"

Brittany is given some extra characteristics to flesh out her character. She's rather jealous regarding Kevin, to the point of striking him when he pays attention to other girls, but other episodes have shown that Brittany is willing to cheat on Kevin as well. One characteristic -- seen only one time -- was Brittany's mastery of martial arts and military tactics in "The Daria Hunter". Most likely, this characteristic was meant only to make the joke about the "genius ditz", the sort of dumbass character who is oddly a prodigy in one thing and one thing only. Even though the joke was dropped, fan fiction writers have taken this scrap and run with it.

Then we have Kevin Thompson, quarterback of the Lawndale Lions. The best word to describe Kevin Thompson is "clueless". Kevin is always pictured with a smile on his face...and why shouldn't he have one on? He's the high school quarterback, he's got the head cheerleader as a girlfriend, what could possibly be wrong with his life?

Daria finds Kevin's cluelessness as annoying as hell. One gets the sense that Brittany is at least trying to budge that hamster inside her head to do something, but Kevin is quite happy to let the world come to him and let others clean up any messes he might happen to make. He calls attention to himself as "the QB" as if it's a title of honor. Mack always gets called "Mack Daddy" and even though Mack hates that nickname, Kevin never stops using it.

Kevin's character gets fleshed out a little bit. A family is added and he even gets an episode devoted to him ("A Tree Grows in Lawndale"). There's something unattractive about Kevin however. The impression is that Kevin simply doesn't try at all, letting the system work for him and not putting any work in. Kevin will always be a friendly character, and it's out of character to write him as mean or ill-natured, because he isn't. However, he's not an admirable person or a confidante. He cheats on Brittany and doesn't seem to worry much about being found out. Hey, he's the QB...why should he worry?

A running joke through the series is that Kevin is an awful student (DUH!) but is floated through high school by an administration that looks the other way so that they can have a great quarterback for the football team. In the very last episode -- "Is It College Yet?" -- a hint of realism is introduced into the Daria universe. Like many other sports stars, both in high school and in college, the minute his usefulness ends he is cast aside. Kevin has flunked his classes and now that he can no longer serve as QB, Ms. Li and the system stop helping him. Kevin doesn't graduate, Brittany promises to stay with him (but has her fingers crossed), and he's forced to attend graduation ludicrously incognito. Believe it or not, I actually found Kevin's fate unsettling, but there's no argument that he somehow didn't deserve it.

So why bunch up these three stupid characters? To show that one character trait - stupidity -- can be applied in several different ways. If there was one word you could use to describe any of the three characters above, it would be "stupid"...but with the right background and right touches, none of the characters have to be alike.

Storytelling: Jane Lane

We now take a look at Daria's friend, Jane Lane. We give a thumbnail sketch of what she's about and how she's generally written.

1. semi-cool.

You're smart and you're funny, you have a great attitude... you do everything on your own terms. You're, like, from a cooler world." -- Tom Sloane

Tom only got it half-right. Jane is not quite "cool". To be "cool" is to possess both composure and self-control, to be unflappable and to have the right response for every occasion. Both of these qualities command admiration.

Jane doesn't seem to command much admiration, but only because the rest of Lawndale High School seems to ignore her more admirable qualities. Somehow, Jane ended up in the outsider caste with Daria. For the most part, however, Jane is indeed composed and has a great deal of self-control. She's not as quick with a quip as Daria, but Jane doesn't have Daria's inner drive to puncture authority. (When Jane has a quip, it's usually devastating.)

In many ways, Jane is above authority of any type. Even though being banished to O'Neill's self-esteem class is a massive drop in status, Jane has had the power to graduate anytime she wants but takes the class because "it makes me feel special". Jane seems to "go along" with Daria -- most of the fanfiction written during Seasons One and Two have Jane as "Daria Junior", the Robin to Daria's Batman -- but Jane is no camp follower like Amelia.

Jane's first reaction to any bad situation is resilience. Bad things -- like having annoying family members around, or being hassled by Ms. Morris in gym class -- appear to roll off Jane like water rolls off a duck's back. However, when things get really bad, Jane lacks that inner core of self-certainty that most cool people have. When the chips are really down, Jane is more likely to fold than to go all-in. Daria's certainty that the world is a shallow and unforgiving place probably attracts Jane, who could use some certainty of any kind in her life.

2. Exuberance. Jane, however, has a flip side, one which has probably kept her from obtaining True Coolness like Andrea. Jane is the kind of person who can occasionally throw caution to the wind, working several hours on a Jackson Pollack theme to a school dance, or make out with Bobby Bighead in a laundry room -- or even consider becoming a cheerleader for Lawndale High School!

Jane is athletic, likes to run and oddly enough, likes to compete in the rare chance we saw her running with Evan and the LHS track team. This exuberance proves vital for the Daria storytelling engine. The problem with cynical, antisocial characters like Daria is that it's hard to get them to do anything. No matter what kind of situation you can think of them being in, the character will naturally resist and seek an escape.

Jane's exuberance, on the other hand, is contagious -- at least where Daria is concerned. If you have trouble putting Daria into a situation, Jane can always talk her into it, like say, Jane convincing Daria to go on a trip to Alternapalooza. "C'mon Daria. It'll be fun," is a line that many a fanfic has Jane saying...and for Jane, it will indeed by fun. And of course, it will be fun imagining Daria's discomfort.

3. Artistic. Normally, "artistic" isn't much of a character trait. It simply indicates that the character in question likes art. For Jane Lane, however, the artistic tag provides many functions.

The first is that being artistic gives Jane a field where she can excel without Daria overshadowing her. Daria's emotional guardedness and general mistrust has resulted in a stripped-down world for Daria. Daria wears generally plain clothes, has a flat monotone speech, and lives in a padded room with little ornamentation. Jane, however, is anything but "plain Jane". Her world is one full of life and color, right down to the character concepts. Daria is drawn as plain green and brown; Jane has jet-black helmet hair, blue eyes, and dark red lipstick. There will be no problem distinguishing between Daria and Jane.

Jane's artistic flair gives her a second purpose, namely one which provides a "nonlinear" logic to contrast with Daria's straight-ahead thinking. Unlike Daria, Jane doesn't need reasons to do what she does. She'll glue pieces of an exploded pot on the walls of her room. She'll gladly bring auto parts to an arts and crafts class for sick children. Whereas Daria provides order, Jane provides just a bit of chaos to make things interesting.

Daria and Jodie would never have worked as best friends. They are too much alike and their attitudes towards authority would have caused real problems. Jane, however, complements Daria perfectly and makes a great "wacky best friend" for a storytelling engine.

(* * *)

I suppose a good question would be, "is Jane so well fleshed out that they could have called the series 'Jane' instead of Daria?"

A show centered around Jane would have been difficult to write. Jane simply doesn't have the problems with authority that Daria has, and Jane's semi-coolness doesn't allow things to affect her very much. Jane's job is to influence Daria...and I suspect that the influence doesn't extend in the other direction. Jane would have no trouble finding friends on her own, if she needed to.

Storytelling: Daria Morgendorffer

I decided that I'd make a change of pace from writing about fan fiction for a while -- there's still that last episode of the "Last Summer" series which I'll get to on the Greek Kalends -- and instead examine the "storytelling engine" of Daria.

I'll borrow the definition of "storytelling engine" from John Seavey:

So what elements make up a storytelling engine? The basic concept of the series, for starters; Doctor Who, to use a series we won't be looking at later on, has as its concept "a mysterious stranger has a time and space machine." Then from there, you layer on the main character, with his motivations and backstory ("an endlessly curious not-quite-human trickster, on the run from his own people who see helping people as a crime"), the supporting cast ("a young woman with more curiousity and guts than common sense"), the setting ("the inside of the time machine", "modern-day London", "a variety of alien planets", "various Earth historical locales"), the antagonists ("a variety of evil aliens who seek to enslave or destroy people"), and the tone ("light-hearted adventure, with occasional forays into horror.") Each of these, ideally, does something to help the writer come up with a story or move it along, and each of them could be changed in ways that help or hinder the writer. (For example, if the Doctor was "a heavy reader with no interests beyond enlarging his vast library", the series would probably have to work much harder to get him involved in events.)

We'll start our examination with the main character, a young lady known as Daria Morgendorffer....

(* * *)

If you have no idea as to how to write Daria, you should at least keep the following in mind. Daria, of course, is the primary character and has a set of attributes which make it very easy to write stories about her. It's also a set of attributes which made Season Five sort of a wash.

1. Cynicism. Why not go directly to the definition? The definition according to Wikipedia is "the opinion of one who maintains that self-interest is the primary motive of human behavior, and are disinclined to rely upon sincerity, human virtue, or altruism as motivations."

The word "cynic" sums up Daria to a T. Daria is always looking the gift horse in the mouth. Her first reaction to a new situation is guarded suspicion, and given the machinations of both her mother and of her teachers, Daria is rarely proved wrong. There's always a hidden motive in the mix, and that motive is invariably self-serving or non-altruistic. Most of the Season One and Two episodes focus on the self-serving motives of either her mother or the school, and Daria's attempts to evade the heavy hand of authority.

Daria's primary weapon is sarcasm, which is used to belittle the stated aspirations of those in authority. Most of Daria's comments during an episode will be sarcastic to one degree or another, sometimes open and other times veiled. Usually when the sarcasm is open, her opponents are so slow-witted that they don't pick up on it; this keeps Daria from being beaten to a pulp by an enraged victim.

2. Distrust of authority. This follows logically from the above. Authority in Daria's world is proven to be an enemy. Sometimes, as in the case of Ms. Li, authority doesn't even bother to keep its word or be anything but heavy-handed and oppressive. (Ms. Li frequently blurts out her true motivations, which have little to do with education and more to do with self-aggrandisement.) Her parents, as an authority, either don't understand her or don't try to.

Many Daria stories are about the abuse of authority and evasion of it. Daria is forced to sell candy in "Cafe Disaffecto", forced to go on a paintballing trip in "The Daria Hunter", forced out into the woods in "The Teachings of Don Jake". You can always expect authority to drag Daria somewhere she doesn't want to go, and as a teenager, she has little recourse but to do what authority wants. However, Daria has no respect for authority, and will immediately try to turn the tables against her captors.

3. Intelligence. One can't wield sarcasm effectively without some brainpower, and Daria is not lacking in brainpower. One can't communicate one's low opinion of human nature unless one has some perspective. Daria is very smart. There was a tendency in early fan fiction to make her omnicompetent, but that weakened the stories instead of strengthened them. Either Daria would be so smart that the authorities couldn't lay a hand on her, or the authorities would have to reach Nazi-like levels of oppression to give her a fight.

You can always picture Daria reading a book, and not one by John Grisham. Daria's appetite has few limits, and Daria is not the standard "intellectual". Her tastes range from John Garnder to Sick Sad World (the later probably reinforcing her cynical views). Whatever Daria reads has to be challenging at some level, and Daria probably knows a great deal of "forbidden lore" -- in "Fair Enough", Daria relates some facts about King Edward II that few people knew until "Braveheart" came along.

4. Emotionally guarded. Daria has learned one thing in her fifteen years on earth -- people are untrustworthy bastards. Combined with Daria's reputation as a "brain", Daria has very few friends and doesn't seem to want any. Brittany, Jodie and Mack are friendly in their own ways, but Daria does not reach out to them on a deeper level. She has one until-death-separates-us friend, Jane, into whom Daria pours all of her energy.

Daria doesn't like hugs, or kisses. She doesn't trust guys enough to have any interest in romance, not one publically expressed anyway. She finds her crushes on Trent embarrassing, and doesn't have the "emotional language" to express deep emotions, which threaten her philosophy that people are not decent or honorable. Even her first romantic relationship -- one with Tom -- was one in which Daria seemed to keep Tom at arm's length.

(* * *)

If you can remember the above four aspects, you can pretty much write Daria. As long as authority is oppressive and people can't be trusted, there's always something for Daria to fight against.

One of the problems of Season Five was that Daria's relationship with Tom challenged many of the above aspects of Daria. She could no longer be cynical about Tom, or mistrust him, since he was her boyfriend. Since Tom's intelligence had to match Daria's -- how could intelligent Daria go out with a dumb guy -- the writers sometimes felt that the best way to make Tom smart was to make Daria stupid. Her inability to deal with her emotions led her to act in atypical ways, as in "Sappy Anniversary" where Daria is angry at Tom for forgetting their "six-month" anniversary (of all things) and won't tell him why. The only thing the writers got right was Tom slowly wearing down Daria's mistrust in Season Four. I suspect a real Daria romance will be one of those David and Maddie type of relationships, a long period of mutual mistrust culminating in an Jane-like closeless with her future partner.

Of course, when you are as suspicious as Daria is, it's hard to get Daria into a story that isn't "Helen/Ms. Li is acting like a bitch". Enter Jane Lane.

All One or the Other

Finished reading: Last Summer #6 - "It Was Your Idea"

I'm going to be taking a break from blogging for about a week so that my wife and I can travel a bit. Undoubtedly, you might have had your suspicions that the blog might be abandoned, to be left a shell of itself like Fortress CINCGREEN.

Part of that feeling is that I'm "written out". Right now, I have three writing projects going on. Two involve baseball message boards for which I write. The other involves this blog, and it seems I try to juggle these many balls but one always comes close to hitting the floor.

Furthermore, there's so much I want to do. My wife introduced me to Helium...I suspect that she'd like me to earn a little money from all this time spent in front of the keyboard. In addition, there are multi-player baseball leagues that sound interesting.

Oh Daria Fandom! You are such a fickle mistress and I am such a fickle suitor! Should we get married, or should I start seeing other people?

(* * *)

Anyway, back to "The Last Summer Series" and "It Was Your Idea", the most recent installment.

When we return to Daria and Jane, they are planning their summer "road trip" to the beach. Jane reminds Daria that one of the conditions in going is that Daria has to wear a bathing suit. The Morgendorffers say goodbye, Trent says goodbye, and Daria and Jane are on the road.

While driving, Jane asks Daria if she should take a job as an assistant to Ms. Defoe at Lawndale High, just for the fall semester. Jane's parents can help pay for college, but they didn't plan for it so money is tight all around. Daria concurs, and has a secret of her own to share wtih Jane -- she doesn't plan on returning to Lawndale during the summer, planning to spend every summer in Boston and working on a double major. Jane wonders if Daria is trying to cut her parents off, but Daria states that her parents are good people but she needs distance.

The two arrive on the beach and eat at a local pizza shop. Jane asks what Daria will do if they meet any "interesting" guys and Daria promises to remain civil "if they show signs of higher brain function".

Daria and Jane commit to wearing swimsuits (Daria says she feels half-naked and Jane says that she feels three-quarters-naked), and prepare to hit the beachfront. As Daria and Jane bring their beach belonging, two college-age students watch Daria and Jane unloading their car. The two begin to walk over and Jane thinks the guys should be encouraged -- and not frightened off by Daria. Daria promises to hold her tongue.

The two introduce themselves as Will and Greg. Greg pairs up with Jane and Will keeps Daria company. Daria at least admits that Will is interesting to talk to. As Daria and Jane go for a swim, Will and Greg decide to surprise them by setting up lunch for the four of them before they get back.

The four of them visit a cheap beach shop and Daria and will begin swapping one-liners regarding the kitchy items. Greg offers on behalf of both Will and himself to take everyone out to dinner.

While dressing for an informal dinner, Daria wonders if she and Jane know what they're doing. Jane figures that as none of the guys has hinted at playing grab-ass, they should be all right. Daria is forced to admit that she thinks Will is cute.

The four go off to eat seafood and exchange pleasant chat. At the end of the night, Jane gives Greg a light kiss, which Greg returns. Daria figures that Will will expect the same, but at the same time, concedes that he's been a nice guy. She gives Will a kiss, which actually surprises Will.

As Daria and Jane depart, we learn that Greg and Will are in the same situation that Jane and Daria are. Greg has been trying to convince Will to let himself have a good time, and Will admits that he's pleased with the results.

At the end of the night, Daria comes to the same conclusions. She learns that "not everyone's a bastard or a lecherous pervert". Furthermore, the night convinces Daria to have no further regrets about breaking up with Tom. She knows that Tom wasn't the right guy, and that there are a lot of fish in the sea (so to speak).

The two return home, and Daria tells her family about the trip and about Greg and Will as well. Daria admits to Quinn that the guys bought them dinner, and teases Quinn about helping her pick up guys. Quinn sasses back that Daria hasn't seen a pro do it, and Helen wonders that Daria and Quinn seem to be getting along a lot better...and wonders how powerful Daria and Quinn could be if they cooperated.

(* * *)

All and all, this was an interesting story. The main theme is an important one, namely that all men in the Daria universe aren't crazy (DeMartino, Jake), wimps (O'Neill), unreliable (Trent), lechers (Upchuck), spoken for (Mack), stupid (Kevin) or lying, cheating bastards (Tom). Mr. Lobinske decides to do this by comparing and contrasting Greg and Will with Jane and Daria. Will and Daria have a lot of similiarities -- down to even wearing glasses -- but Lobinske doesn't shove the similarities in our face. A younger (and less talented) author would have made Will a carbon copy of Daria ("Daria with a penis") and Greg would have probably been an art major or something. Luckily, Mr. Lobinske spared us that.

There are a couple of flaws in the story, but not major ones. There's a section where the writer devotes a paragraph to both Daria and Jane describing how each has changed during the run of the series. The problem is that the paragraphs are so close to each other -- and so alike in format -- that the paragraphs seem more exposition than explanation. This is a part of the story where "show, not tell" would have been a good idea.

The other flaw is a part of the story where it is implied -- I think -- that Daria might still like Trent. The problem is that the dialogue is so awkward that I don't know what the writer was intending. I think Mr. Lobinske tried to hint at a Daria/Trent attraction, but his attempt to foreshadow turned to pure obfuscation. I could be completely wrong about that, and after reading that paragraph, I wouldn't be surprised if I was.

There is one section of the story worth a more detailed discussion because it brings up an interesting point. Daria mentions that she plans on not returning to Lawndale during the summers, and Jane zeroes in to ask whether Daria is trying to keep her family at arm's length, to sort of cut them out of her life.

During the run of the show, Daria's personality vis-a-vis her family has been one of two sides of a coin. Either Daria is proudly obstinate, enjoying the chaos her attitude brings, or wounded and retreating in self-pity. The final regular episode of the series, "Boxing Daria", took this to its logical conclusion with Daria literally retreating to the psychological comfort of a large cardboard box. At the end of the episode, however, Daria is able to abandon the cardboard box, to actually hug Jane impulsively, and to admit to her parents that at times, she's been a pill:

Daria - It's not the fight. It's the sudden realization that all these years, when I thought they were torturing me, in reality I was the one torturing them.

Jane - First of all, I don't think it's either-or. From where I'm sitting, you and your folks have done a great job of torturing each other. And second of all, you mean to tell me you don't know when you're busting them?

Daria - Yes, I know when I'm busting them. What I didn't realize is what a pain I've been when I thought I was just being me.

Jane -- and Daria -- are right. The two sides have been tormenting each other over the years, with Helen trying to drag Daria into "proper" behavior and Daria trying to drag the family into chaos. At the end of the episode, both side seemed to come to grips with their dysfunctions and have decided to stop dragging, so to speak. I don't know if I'll ever read "Falling Into College" -- as someone said about something else, "the reason I don't read anyone else's work is that it gets in the way of the work I want to write" -- but I hope that Daria can be herself and still be aware of how she affects other people. Trust me, Daria fans, it doesn't have to be all one or all the other.