Incidentally,,,,

...my Kindle arrived today. Had to charge it up, not much time to play.

My first Kindle e-book download - Histories, by Tacitus. Total cost of e-book: $0.00.

The Bigger World

I remember the first time I came into contact with the Bigger World.

I don't remember the specifics, but I must have been in my room with its tiny black and white television when I was in seventh or eighth grade or so. This much have been some time after January 1978, which was a red letter month in the CINCGREEN household because it was the month we got cable television. Undoubtedly, I was flipping through the channels (twisting the dial, not pushing the buttons) to see what was on television and the dial came to rest on a bunch of guys wearing robes. I knew they weren't Klansmen because they spoke with British accents.

The robes were not from some sort of backwoods social club, but were Roman garb. Our state's education television network was showing I, Claudius on Masterpiece Theatre. I have to say that State Educational Television was a godsend. I saw both The Prisoner and Monty Python back-to-back on Saturday nights, and as it turned out Monty Python ended exactly when Saturday Night Live began...but back to I, Claudius. I ended up starting with Episode Three or Four just when the really good stuff was happening and I made sure never to miss an episode after that. As far as I knew, I, Claudius was an independently-realized television drama springing from no source other than the mind of some British scriptwriter.

In junior high school, our math class took a field trip to the fine establishment of learning known as Eastern Kentucky University. (I suspect we were there to watch a basketball game, the particulars were extremely hazy.) Part of the field trip involved visiting the college bookstore. Most of the kids picked up a banner or a sports T-shirt or something, but I enjoyed looking at the books - even in Richmond (*), the selection at the college bookstore beat the sorry-ass offering of books in my hometown.

And then, I saw it. I, Claudius. It was a book! I didn't even know that! Having been given a few bucks to buy lunch or something, I spent all of my cash on buying that book, and I didn't even wait to get home to start reading it. I tore into Robert Graves's period piece like a starving man at a Chinese buffet. I was so eager to consume the book that I skimmed over a lot of it, the equivalent of gorging. As I got to the end of the book, I realized, "hey, the writer's never going to get to the stuff about Messalina by this point." I would learn sometime thereafter that the miniseries covered not just I, Claudius but its sequel Claudius the God. I only owned half the story.

For those readers who are unfamiliar with I, Claudius, let me explain it. It was written by Robert Graves, a British writer and poet well-versed in the classics. It purports to be the autobiography of Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus, the step-grandchild of the wife of the Emperor Augustus through a previous marriage. Unfortunately for young Claudius, he suffers two maladies from birth - a horrible stammer and a limp from a weakened leg. The result is that he's considered an idiot and a cripple by the rest of his family, and is either ignored, insulted or outright abused by most of them.

My understanding is that there were two overlapping entries into the Roman political world of the optimates era: one could be a patrician and pursue a career as an Equestrian and then a Senator, or one could serve in a level of political offices with progressively increasing responsibility supplemented by a successful career as a military officer. Due to his infirmities, both of these avenues were closed to Claudius. With scholarship as his only comfort, Claudius retreats into a world of books and resolves to be a historian.

This gives him a great advantage, for as a member of the Imperial family he has a front row seat to Roman power politics. Furthermore, his stammer and limp prove useful in a perverse sort of way. The rest of the family concludes that Claudius will never amount to anything and in their world of power plays and political murders Claudius is always overlooked for the simple reason that he's not worth killing. He survives the reign of his step-grandfather Augustus, his uncle Tiberius, and even his insane and murderous nephew Caligula. After Caligula is killed by his own bodyguards the Imperial genetic timber has been whittled down to firewood during the reigns of the previous three emperors with few surviving contenders for the throne. After Caligula's death the Imperial Guard run riotand decide that if there's going to be another emperor, they'd better be the ones choosing him. They find Claudius hiding in the palace to avoid the killing and looting, and decide that Claudius has the pedigree if nothing else. (**) Therefore, Claudius is implausibly installed as the next emperor. (That's Book One.)

In Claudius the God, Claudius attempts to be what he considers a "good emperor". Years of experiencing the a Rome where the Republic exists in name only convince Claudius that only the true restoration of the Roman Republic can save Rome - he shall turn over power to the Senate, and then retire. However, the problem of power-hungry senators and surviving relatives is a serious one - they believe that due to Claudius's reputation of being an utter imbecile that he can easily be removed in a coup. Claudus knows they'd never let him survive if he turned over power, as the potential would always exist that some faction could yank him out of retirement and force him to become their figurehead. Therefore, Claudius has to hang on to the throne to save his own life....and then, since he has to repair the damage of the previous emperors to strengthen Rome, the restoration of the Republic is moved further and further down on the agenda. Claudius always promises himself that he'll get around to it when the conditions are right.

But the greatest danger to Claudius is...at his side in the form of his teenage wife Messalina (whom he was forced to marry by his crazy nephew Caligula). Messalina is sweetness and charm, and Claudius is enthralled with her - but Messalina has designs on the throne herself. Eventually, Messalina's plot is discovered at the last second before the coup and Claudius is forced to have Messalina executed. A bitter Claudius concludes that people would never accept the Republic even if he did bring it back - things have to be very, very bad for a revolution, so Claudius will speed one along. He decides to marry his niece Agrippinilla who already has a child from a previous marriage - Nero. He knows that they should never be entrusted with power, but that's exactly who he intends to trust it to. Agrippinilla can never rule as a woman, and she'll have to run the Empire through Nero, and Nero will then rebel against Agrippinilla because he's a douchebag and will assume absolute power and then Nero will ruin the Empire, and after that, people will be clamoring for the Republic...won't they?

Luckily, Claudius has a Plan B that will ensure that the next form of government shall be a restoration of the Republic. Shame that Plan B falls apart, and Claudius knows in the end that he - and the Republic - are screwed. The End.

If any of the above sounds interesting, wait until you see the BBC version.

Derek Jacobi as Claudius.

Brian Blessed as Augustus.

Sian Phillips as Livia.

George Baker as Tiberius.

Patrick Stewart (yes, Captain Picard, when he still had hair, or at least a good toupee) as Sejanus.

Patricia Quinn (yes, Magenta) as Livilla.

John Hurt (yes, that John Hurt) as Caligula.


It's absoutely kick-ass. I'd recommend it to anyone.

So why do I call this post "The Bigger World"? I think that my introduction to I, Claudius was my first inkling that there was a bigger world out there beyond the television shows of the 1970s and the required reading from middle school. It was the first notion that serious books - and serious television - could and should be fun. For better or for worse, what I am today is because of I, Claudius - so if you ever get to Robert Graves's grave, you know where to spit.

"Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud - hatch out!"

_____

(*) - An amusing side-note is that as Kentucky became populated in the 19th century town founders looked to European cities as town names. Therefore, there is a London in Kentucky, as well as a Paris and a Richmond and a Madrid. However, just because you name a town something doesn't mean that the common people can pronounce the spelling. Therefore, you get Athens, whose "a" is pronounced just like in the word "day", and Versailles, which is pronounced to rhyme with the word "sails". This never fails to astonish both visitors and Kentuckians, amused that someone would ask where Ver-SIGH is.

(**) - It helped that Claudius's brother was Germanicus, a much-admired Roman general and potential ruler until he succumbed to not having his food tasted.

Fatigue

My apologies for not updating the blog yesterday. Yes, my string of one-post-a-days has come to an end. Two days ago - Saturday - we drove about 300 miles to my mother's house, and on the exact same day drove 300 miles back, so that the cats would not get lonely. (Or at least, wonder where the foodbringers went?) That's 10 hours in a car, ladies and gentlemen, and the next day neither of us were good for much of anything.

As my pillow hit the bed, I told myself "You know what? I owe a blog post." But I was just too damned tired. I cursed fatigue and went right on to sleep.

The fatigue is not merely a product of the long trip. In my present weight-loss regimen, I've been trying to work out about five days a week or so. One of the devices I use is a treadmill at work. This treadmill has an aerobic setting where the goal is to get one's heart rate up to 140 beats per minute. The first week I worked with the machine, it wasn't a problem - I did this for thirty minutes. The next week, I increased the time to 35 minutes, also with no problem.

However, last week I set the machine at 40 minutes - and could not get my heart rate about 140. The two days I managed to contribute 40 minutes with a (mostly) 140 beat/minute heartbeat left me wiped out for the following days. I only worked out 20 minutes on Wednesday and Thursday, with nothing at all on Friday. I felt like a dead man walking during the latter half of the week.

As for mental fatigue, well, I have HHoF to provide some respite. But not recently. I'm about four or so installments ahead of my beta reader, and I've been working and revising various parts. I have a loose outline with which I work - keeping in mind certain things I'd like to see happen in each chapter. Generally, a chapter takes about 13-20 K as a text file.

The biggest a story has ever been is 39 K. The visit to the Fielding campus for unforced labor was that big. The trip to Atlanta was that big. And now, I have a story that is 74 K. And it is still not finished. What the hell? What am I thinking? The only person who writes stories that long is TAG, and I'm not as good as TAG is. Who is going to sit through 74 K of something?

Spanish women's basketball starts on October 10th. College ball starts in November. It's going to be a busy winter.

By the way, about "True Prep?" I read that - out loud - to Ruth to and from my mother's house. It's about 250 pages, and around 230 of them were read out loud. If you want to know my list of HHoF reference material, that list would include:

The Official Preppy Handbook by Lisa Birnbaum
True Prep by Lisa Birnbaum
The Debutante's Guide to Life by Cornelia Guest
Class by Paul Fussell
The Prep School Cafe at College Confidential

True Prep is scary, particularly given its list of prep school grads. Did you know Barack Obama and John McCain both went to prep school? You couldn't swing a stick in Washington without knocking someone's class tie off.

There! I think it would be easier to build a prep school from pine and twine and attend it for twelve years than to commit all that to memory. Although, reading me botch it up shall be hilarious to one and all.

Early Birthday Present

Heading up to see my mother (yes, I have one) tomorrow. Will be reading this to Ruth on the way up and back, and will be committing the contents to memory.

The Men in the Road

Finished Reading: AD2

Have returned home. Oddly enough, last night wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The fact that wine was served didn't hurt. It loosened everyone up, and even the teenage kids of the neighbors seemed to catch the infectious spirit.

So what kind of loot did I get? Aside from the usual Christmas brick-a-brack, I picked up what I really enjoy. Peanut butter fudge, for one thing. And....books. Such as:

The Marvel Encyclopedia. "The Definitive Guide to the Characters of the Marvel Universe". A picture book suitable for middle-aged twelve year olds, to provide many reminders as to how I used to spend the bulk of my time.
The Super Bowl of Advertising: How the Commercials Won the Game by Bernice Kanner. This book is a history of the "Super Bowl Commerical", and how commercials during the game -- starting with the MacIntosh "1984" commercial -- became more and more high concept.
The Bathroom Baseball Book. "Hardball Trivia for the Best Seat in the House". "Where was baseball's first night game played?" and other trivia questions for distraction during those necessary trips to the smallest room.

(* * *)

I've took a brief look at AD2. Even though Part 2 isn't a "Part 2" in the sense that a story by Richard Lobinske is a "Part 2" -- a Lobinske Part 2 would be a complete story; AD2 is just a scene from a larger narrative -- there are some elements that piqued my interest.

First, the fact that during the story Daria is blinded in the left eye. (I don't have the story in front of me; I refuse to look at it again.) It doesn't really matter which of the two eyes is wounded; the fact that one eye is wounded is remarkable. I always called this "Claremont's Rule" after Chris Claremont, the years-long X-Men writer, who claimed the key to good writing as "put the characters in the worst situation you can, and then make it worse". I'm glad that despite the fact that Daria and Jane are starting out with the clothes on their backs, the story won't be an upward climb.

Secondly, there is the matter of "the men at the road". Daria and Jane are almost stopped by a group of men in the road, but when they notice a body nearby, they decided to zoom right by and take their own chances. Who are "the men in the road"? Why have they tried to block the road? What was their purpose? We don't know, and hopefully, we won't know. Most people's lives are filled with unanswered questions: "what happened to that cute girl I sat behind in seventh grade class?" The fact that Doggieboy isn't going out of his way to provide answers to everything is a good sign.