Old Man Yells At Cloud

Dear Whomever,

I wish to register a complaint. It appears that my television enjoyment was ruined on the night of Thursday, April 16, 2009 by the idiocy of the Gwinnett County Police Department and the fantastic Amber Alert System. I was asked to help out if I knew anything about the disappearance of two children, who, most likely, have been taken in a child custody battle and are in no danger whatsoever.

While watching The Office the dramatic moment of resolution of this particular episode was completely obliterated by an Amber Alert.

One: Why are these notices always five hours after the fact? Generally, if the child was actually in danger of being killed, the murder has happened in the first three hours after the abduction.

Two: How does the Gwinnett County Police expect me to find somebody from my house? In DeKalb County? What do you expect me to do? Do you think that I have a Rolodex that has the name of every pervert and fool in the Atlanta Metropolitan Area? Is there is a reason this useless information can't just scrawl across the bottom of the screen when I watch my show? Or have you concluded that the person who knows where these kids are cannot read? Is it really necessary to broadcast this information at 9:25 pm, when my favorite show is on the air knocking my cable out of commission? Do you really think that ruining my favorite programs are going to make me more sympathetic?

Three: Do you expect me to leave my basement and go searching for them?

Four: Do you think they are in my basement?

Five: Why does Comcast feel compelled to enable this idiocy? My only conclusion is that they only allow this to happen because they are compelled by law to do so.

Conclusion: You are idiots. I refer you to this article by Drake Bennett at the Boston Globe at:

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/07/20/abducted/?page=1

which states that Amber Alerts are more theater than anything else. Most of the "successes" were from the recovery of kids who were never in danger in the first place. If the Gwinnett County Police Department really wanted to be the most productive in saving the lives of children, it would enforce seat-belt laws and school bus inspections.

I have nothing against a system that locates missing children. If those brainiacs behind Amber Alert want to limit their theater to highway signs and the bottom of the screen crawl, I have nothing against that either. However, when your theater seriously inconveniences me after a long day of work, I take offense to that.

You should be glad I live in DeKalb County. If there was an election for Sheriff and I lived in Gwinnett County, I know who I wouldn't be voting for.

Yours,

CINCGREEN