"Sew Me What You've Got (Project Runway)", 11-14-2007

In most reality shows, being an ass can keep you from getting to the top, particularly in the "social-networking" shows like "Survivor" or "The Amazing Race". You never know when your douchebaggery will end up with you getting stepped on by everyone who finally gets sick and tired of you.

However, "Project Runway" is not a competition that requires on social skills. It would better be described as a reality talent competition -- like it or not, whatever you sew together and put on the models is what gets you the contract and now hot nice you are to everyone. Santino Rice was a jerk in Season 2, but he's probably better known than ostensible winner Chloe Dao. Jeffery Sebelia, an ever bigger douchebag than Rice, actually won Season 3.

Furthermore, like any group of people with an obsession (in this case, fashion), the personalities involved are a little...twisted. You don't have to make an effort to add emotionally challenged people to the show in the hope that sparks will fly; sparks will fly nonetheless.

The show begins in the reassuring way that every version of "Project Runway" starts -- all of the designers show up and we get a handle on them for about thirty seconds. Carmen is the Ex-Model Turned Designer. Kevin is the Heterosexual Designer Around Homosexuals. Elisa is the Flighty Earth-Mother Type -- she comes to design through designing marionettes. Sweet P is the Ex-Biker Chick. All of the viewers choose favorites, and all of the players are on their best behavior.

The group of fifteen models shows up at Bryant Park in New York City to meet host Heidi Klum and host/advisor Tim Gunn. Gunn is now a creative consultant with Liz Claibourne, having left his post at the New School but his function at the show remains unchanged. Heidi informs the models that the challenge will be for the designers to create a design that shows who they are as a designer. At the other end of Bryant Park are three tents filled with expensive materials. As soon as the models are given the signal, they may race to the tents and pick whichever materials they fancy -- whatever they can carry.

As Fey Christian outraces everyone for a particular plaid bolt of cloth, Fat Guy Chris is bringing up the rear, finally slowing down to a walk. Chris is so overweight that his jawline disappears in adipose, and he resigns himself initially to making do with whatever is left over. However, none of the other designers take the bolt of cloth Chris fancies, and Chris lucks out.

Elisa uses her knees to grind a bolt of cloth into the turf at Bryant Park. Elisa wants to make use of the natural color of grass stains. Everyone realizes that they have a weirdo on their hands -- and if these people think that Elisa might be a little odd, then that's a spectacular distinction.

Everyone returns to the studio for the most boring part of the show, the part where my attention lags -- the part of the show where the ideas in the designers' heads become reality. This requires a lot of snipping, measuring, and fussing, and has the effect of watching all 11 hours of design in just five minutes, so dull it is. Tim Gunn shows up to cluck at a few designers regarding measuring and construction and color and other choices, but he can't make too many suggestions (lest he become the designer). He simply tells the gathered to "make it work", while Tim Gunn fans wait for "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style" -- we are informed many times that a new episode will be following "Project Runway".

Finally, the models get up on the catwalk. Elisa has some interesting ideas with a cascading effect of cloth as the trail of a gown, but the cloth only serves as an anchor and the model almost trips on it. We see design after design after design, and at home, we're left to be our own judges. I liked the colors Simone chose, but my wife rightly recognized the shoddy construction of the final product. I thought Christian's work was well-finished; my wife noted that it looked off the rack. If you're not a professional designer -- or if you don't buy these kind of clothes to wear -- it's very hard to tell what works and what doesn't.

Afterwards, the panel of judges gabs about what they liked and what they didn't, but we're only given tantalizing glimpses -- do the judges simply talk for only 15 seconds about particular designs, or is there a six-hour conversation that has been edited to death? The group is split into halvsies. The one half that is neither spectacular nor abysmal is told they've survived, leaving six contestants trying to figure out where they stand -- are they hot, or are they not?

Even though Christian's final work got commendations from the judges, Rami won the coveted immunity -- he doesn't have to worry about being eliminated next week. Oddly enough, my wife and I both agreed that his final work looked like something that could have been worn at the toga party in "Animal House", but then again, we haven't designed clothes for Jessica Alba, like Rami has. (I suspect Rami is a ringer, given his bio.)

This leaves One-Gay-Among-Many-Ricky, Simone, and Elise to battle it out for bottom feeder. Ricky and his gay conductor's hat are sent away. Who is the biggest loser, Simone's badly built gown or Elise's over-the-top anchored disaster? In the end, the judges decide they're most disappointed with Simone, who gets sent packing before she could even earn a thumbnail description.

And so, goodbyes are said, thimbles are packed and we head into the next week of "Project Runway" -- the group design part of the competition. As in all three seasons before, the scissors will come out and everyone will be at their bitchy best, as having four designers design a gown is like having four cooks stirring a pot. Simone was cast out of paradise this week, but the "Era of Good Feeling" will come to an end, sometime before Thanksgiving.